• Thu, Oct 18 2012

Unbearable: Finding The Humor In An Empty Uterus

laughing womanHaving a child is usually a happy time in a woman’s life. Unfortunately, as we wait longer to have children, infertility and trouble conceiving can become a part of the family making process. Unbearable addresses these difficulties.

Just like our amazing contributor Maria Guido, all of us at Mommyish really believe that it’s important to discuss miscarriages. We think it helps us to open up, share our stories, and support one another through difficult times. In fact, just last week some of my co-workers and I were discussing our different experiences and how we handled them. One woman’s response actually had me laughing to myself all week long.

It’s not a secret that I had a hard time after my ectopic pregnancy. While I was discussing it with the wonderful Miss Eve, she told me about her struggles with multiple miscarriages. Except while Eve was totally supportive of me and my grieving, she admitted that she approached the situation with a completely different attitude. In fact, she completely shocked me when she said, “Part of me , at least with mine, was thinking, ‘That one must have had three heads.’”

Three heads…

Honestly, I’m laughing now even as I type it. I laughed the minute I read it. I laughed when I told my husband and my mom about it.  For reasons I cannot quite explain, that simple comment was just so funny to me. It was coming from a woman who I knew had experienced a loss, much like mine. And yet she had this intensely logical and even a little sarcastic approach to dealing with miscarriage that almost made me jealous, but definitely made me smile.

In that moment, I realized how odd it way to laugh about a conversation concerning miscarriage. Because it came from someone who obviously understood how sensitive the topic can be, Eve’s comment was perfect. It was how she dealt with a difficult situation. And I don’t think it can be really surprising to any of us that this funny lady chose to look at it with a little levity.

It’s hard to make jokes about serious topics. I’ve had plenty of people think that they’re hilarious when they tell me that the good thing about infertility is all the excuses my husband and I have to “keep trying.” They always say it with this odd, winky, intimacy that’s super awkward, because it’s never said by someone who I want thinking about my sex life. Well, I don’t want anyone thinking about my sex life, but still.

Eve’s comment proved that even though it’s difficult and potentially dangerous, putting a little humor into a stressful situation can pay off. Honestly, I’ve never laughed about my miscarriage or my empty uterus until I spoke with Eve. And I’m thankful that she showed me the lighter side, the less serious side.

Last week I wrote about the ups and downs of infertility. I’m not saying that those low spots disappear with a well-placed joke. But the ability to see the humor makes the whole ride a little easier to handle. Being able to shake my head and mutter, “Three heads… really Eve…” makes the fear and trepidation take a back seat for a moment. I’m not funny enough to come up with any more jokes for you guys, but I will encourage everyone to be open to them. A little laugh goes a long way.

(Photo: Blend Images/Shutterstock)

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  • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

    Awww big hugs Linds, but now I’m * totally* thinking about your sex life :( :D

  • lyzl

    One of my dear friends has been struggling with infertility for 5 years. She goes to a support group that she calls the Barren Wives Club. I laughed. It makes it easier to talk about infertility if you can access it with humor.