If You’re Worried About Your Parenting Choices, You’re Probably A Pretty Good Mom

Mom awardThe internet just loves to label people as bad mothers. We do it all the time for parenting choices big and small. Your child watches television? Bad! You let your kid eat fast food? Worse! You let your young girl wear make-up? Absolutely the worst!

In the comments sections of our website and every other parenting site on the internet you’ll find moms arguing over co-sleeping, breastfeeding and screen time. We talk education, diet, and development delays. We evaluate what media is appropriate, what techniques are most effective, and what discipline structure is most fair.

Why do parents spend so much time debating and discussing every parenting choice we make? Well, it’s because we care about our children and we want to raise them to the best of our ability. We want them to be successful, happy, saint-like human beings for the rest of their lives. We’re willing to argue with total strangers to prove that our personal choices are the very best, because we want to do the very best for our kids.

The funny thing about all of this debate is that the very drive to do what’s best for our children that brings us to mommy forums in droves is the same one that makes us pretty good parents to start with. The very fact that we’re willing to put time and energy into discussing parenthood, thinking critically about the different approaches, and arguing in defense of our own beliefs indicates that we care a whole lot about raising good kids. And that care is the important part in this big parenting experiment, not the actual techniques or styles that we adopt.

Free-range and helicopter parents might not seem to have a whole lot in common, but I think you’ll find that both groups of people are actively engaged in doing the best for their kids. Lenore Skenazy is doing every in her power to raise a great son. Dr. Sears is committed to doing what he thinks is best for kids. They might have different approaches, but they’re both thoughtful when it comes to parenting. They’re both looking at the children around them and trying to assess their needs.

Recently, I interviewed Dr. George Drinka about media influence on children. We argued just a bit about Scooby Doo and other cartoons that might have a negative effect on children. When I explained why I thought that the cartoon had helped my daughter understand that people or situations that seem scary aren’t always as fear-inducing as they first appear, he said that because I approached the cartoon thoughtfully and spoke about it with my daughter, I might have turned a negative into a positive. He warned that most parents don’t put that much thought into their kids’ media consumption. I asked him, “Wouldn’t every parent who reads a book about media influence on children put that much thought into their kids’ media consumption?”

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    • http://twitter.com/FormulaFeeder FormulaFeeder

      Love this. Spot-on and such a positive spin on the mommy war bullshit.

      I once wrote a post about formula feeding guilt which touched on the same ideas. My point was that if you are feeling guilty, that means you care about the decisions you make. If you’re reading up on child health enough to know what the “right” and “wrong” things to do are, then chances are you are doing the “wrong” thing because it isn’t wrong for YOU. Obviously we all love our kids. We do the best we can. And frankly, I think the only people who should be worried are the ones who waste the time they could be spending on themselves and their families judging other people’s parenting. That sends a very specific message to our kids – that it’s okay to judge others, to bully people into acting and thinking the same way we do. I’d rather have kids who watch a bit more tv or occasionally much cheetos than little judgmental jerks, you know?

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