• Thu, Oct 11 2012

Anonymous Mom: I Think My Teenage Son’s Friends Are Attractive

teenage sonsAnonymous Mom is a weekly column of motherhood confessions, indiscretions, and parental shortcomings selected by Mommyish editors. Under this unanimous byline, readers can share their own stories, secrets, and moments of weakness with complete anonymity.

I think my teenage son’s friends are attractive.  I have no desire to kiss them or touch them, but I do find myself acknowledging their attractiveness in my own mind, and for that I feel gross.

I don’t remember the boys I came in contact with as a teen being anything like the boys today. They are tall, and muscular, and have perfect complexions probably due to their moms buying them Proactiv. When I was a teenager, the boys were scrawny with greasy hair and even greasier skin. They didn’t have invisible braces or trendy clothing. They all looked like nerds.

I always feel guilty and a bit creepy when I view these young men as being handsome. I am, after all, old enough to be their mother. But they are hot.

I can’t be the only mom who feels this way. I’m sure a lot of Justin Bieber‘s popularity has to do with the fact that other moms find him “hot” so they happily purchase his CDs for their daughters. Moms aren’t flocking with their kids to see the Twilight movies because the story lines and acting is that spectacular, but probably to gaze at Taylor Lautner‘s abs. I could never see myself viewing a boy under the age of 18 as a sexual object, but I can look at teenage boys and find them attractive.

Men do this all the time. Grown men can find Courtney Stodden or Britney Spears, before she was even over 18, sexy. And it’s acceptable. But for a woman to admit she finds a teenage boy sexually attractive is disturbing and troubling.

I would hate to think my son’s friend’s moms were finding my own son hot. It would really bother me. But when I see my son’s friends when picking him up from soccer practice or when they come over to hang out, I can’t help but notice how good looking they are.

I don’t want to be a cougar. I don’t want to date an 18-year-old or heaven forbid anyone younger. I’m sure we would have very little to talk about and the relationship would grow old very quickly. But sometimes I wonder if it’s because having a son that age makes me wary of it or if it’s because I worry what my friends and family would think.

Men date younger women all the time. People may gossip about this or find it off-putting but it’s still much more socially acceptable for a man to date a young person than a woman. And forget even dating, our entire pop culture and advertising market is based upon young women and sexuality. Men are conditioned to believe it’s okay to lust after youth. If a woman does it, she is seen as predatory, a cougar.

I think my teenage son’s friends are attractive but if I were to admit this out loud, most mothers would probably forbid them from coming to my house. Even though I’m not doing anything other than admitting I can see them as men. And men who are hot and attractive.

I’m not sure my teenage son’s friends know that I think they are attractive. They are always polite when they speak to me and it’s not like I ogle them or make inappropriate comments. I may catch myself gazing at them a bit longer than I should, or I may find myself stupidly laughing a bit too long at their jokes, just like I would while watching the latest Twilight movie on cable. It’s embarrassing when you find yourself thinking someone half your age is hot. I would hate to think that along with their attractiveness came supernatural teen vampire mind-reading powers.

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(Photo: Rolling Stone)

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  • Me

    I’m sure a lot of women do the same.

    • StayAtHomeDad

      Wow. Watch Double standard there ladies. I wouldn’t go around saying “I think my teenage daughters friends are hot!” Nor “My wife made me mad, so I slept with one of my daughter’s friends.” “I’m sure a lot of men do the same.”

    • Anonymouse

      That is a bit harsh! Anonymous Mom stated that she has no desire at all to be physically involved with them, and wouldn’t even want to date a fellow younger than herself… as she said, she doesn’t at all see what she would have in common with them. She only sees them when she picks her own son up from sport etc, she isn’t stalking or ogling them. She has no desire to hunt them or take advantage. She just stated that she finds them handsome – you can’t tell me that you don’t think some young ladies in their teens are not lovely looking.
      My next door neighbours kid is a very handsome and well-mannered boy- he is an attractive young man. Do I think that when he is old enough to settle down he will make some young girl very happy? Sure! I can appreciate him as being good-looking and gentlemanly. But I definately do NOT feel any desire to have any relationship with him than him calling out to me “how are you today Mrs X!” when we see each other across the street.

    • teenageboy

      He’s saying if a father wrote this he would be labeled a pedo wife would dump him and would get sent to jail cuz nowadays people get overprotective when middle age guy is involved rathef than a pedowomen (not calling the writer a pedo)

  • Fabel

    I don’t think this is a big deal– laying it out like some huge confession actually makes it seem creepier than it is. I also don’t think an offhand “Joey is getting to be such a handsome guy!” would be such a terrible thing to say to a parent.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Shelly-Lloyd/826469442 Shelly Lloyd

    I don’t think there is anything to worry about admitting that a young man is attractive. As long as you are not taking advantage of a young man then I see nothing to worry about or be grossed out about. As women and mothers it seems as if we society wants us to turn off our sexuality to the point that we can not even acknowledge attractiveness in other person without feeling bad about it.

  • Megan Cutler

    You should sleep with them. My husband mad me mad so I slept with one of my son’s friends.

  • Peter Voth

    So? What’s the problem? Do you know how horny teenage boys are? And teenager girls are prudish, inexperienced, and unprepared for sex. I say, go for it. Everyone wins!

  • Ah wilderness

    Don’t beat yourself up. Being attracted to young beautiful people is kind of hard-wired into our beings regardless of gender or orientation. Your body is just telling you you’re alive. You know you’re not going to act on the impulse, so there’s no moral conundrum. Just enjoy the sensation of attraction, guilt free.

  • GreenRoom

    Ewww. Another reason why I despise parents. I’m sorry, but being attracted to younger people is fine. But your SON’S friends? What’s next? Being attracted to your son? People have lost their goddamn minds. I think you middle aged bags need a vibrator or more sex.

  • married27years

    this is a great site. real topics. this isnt about teens, but the idea of older women younger men.

    im a 48 straight male and have always appreciated (polite term) women, no matter the size, shape, color or age. women were designed so guys would chase them.

    anyway, a few years ago one of my 40ish , attractive, single female friends confided to me that she slept with a 19 year old.she was really broken up about it and regretted it (alcohol was involved) and didnt know how to deal with it both externally and internally.
    like i said, she is an attractive older lady; not a tramp. she had very few encounters over the years and was really the type of woman you courted and dated rather than expect a one night stand.

    so i gave her my male perspective. i told her

    when i see this young guy, im going to give him a high five. the women in our community didnt like this but the guys young and old viewed this young guy in a different more favorable light. i talked to his dad later and you could sense his pride but he had to keep it toned down because of the indignant female responses..

    when i was a teen, i tried chasing older women but they brushed me aside . for all i know, they were 50 years old. it didnt matter to me but back then the topic wasnt even a topic.

    i talked and read up on topics such as this to try figure out why guys are like this but the best answer came from a 70 plus year old guy who said “cause all guys are dogs and women know it; we cant help it”;

    haha, im gonna try get him on dr phil

  • Amjad

    The difference between you and the others that you admitted it, I believe this this normal but you zhouldnt do it because they are your son friends, maybe you will damage him,
    This is really sensitive case, because of your son you have to be away from this matter,