• Thu, Oct 11 2012

Nobody Cares About Your Big Gender Reveal — Except You

A couple of years ago, a good friend of mine was pregnant and having a hard time deciding whether to find out the gender of her child, or wait until he or she was born.  Her five-month check up arrived and she decided that she really couldn’t wait.

I’m finding out, she said.

I don’t blame you, I said.

When I talked to her after her appointment I asked, so? How did it go?  Boy or girl?  She responded, we found out but decided that we would keep it a secret. This confused me.  It also annoyed me a little.  She found out, so why wouldn’t she tell me?  It seemed a little like someone intricately planning her own birthday party – and surprising her guests.  It’s a bit backwards.

I understand why parents want to be surprised and wait until the baby is born to find out the gender.  Well, in theory I do.  I could never wait to find out my child’s sex – I can barely wait to find out what I’m having for lunch tomorrow.  When the option to be informed of the sex of our child came up, it was obvious which route we would go.

It was also obvious that since we knew, we would be sharing the information with everyone else who cared to know.  Why not?  Clearly, this information was most exciting and important to us, right?  Why would we keep it from our friends?  Isn’t that sort of assuming and implying that it’s their surprise, instead of ours?

Earlier this year, I started noticing stories about a trend that surfaced that is equally as puzzling; the Gender Reveal party.  This is separate from a baby shower.  Its sole purpose is to reveal the gender of the baby in some cute and original way.  Some people bake cakes with pink or blue dye.  The cake cutting happens and everyone delights when the color of the cake is revealed.  Or, they roll their eyes and think; I can’t believe there was a whole separate party for this.  Do these people actually think I have endless amounts of free time?

This may be a cute tactic if it was one used on your significant other – but a party for all of your friends?  Really?

Self-absorbed parents are fodder for social media shaming.  The popularity of sites like STFU Parents makes it increasingly apparent that some of us who have chosen to reproduce are annoying the shit out of everyone.  I personally love sites like STFU Parents because they remind me that I am actually a pretty well-adjusted mother.  It is abundantly clear that the actions of a few are sullying the reputation of the rest.

Yes, you are having a child.  Yes, it is important and life changing and fantastic.  But when you act like it is the most amazing event that has ever befallen your friends, don’t be surprised when people start distancing themselves and/or making fun of you.

It’s understandable.  You get pregnant.  You get excited that you  are making a whole human baby!   It is a very big deal – to you.  I’m not implying that your friends and family aren’t thrilled. I’m just suggesting that maybe you shouldn’t act like the sex of your baby is the biggest surprise since The Crying Game.  Nobody is losing sleep over this.  Nobody.  If you find out, what is the purpose of keeping it from everyone else?

Imagine buying the best present in the world for yourself, wrapping it up, and inviting all of your friends over to be surprised when you open it.  This makes no sense.  If you really want to be surprised by the gender of your baby – I am with you.  There are very few things in the world that are truly a mystery anymore.  I get it.  But if you decide to find out, don’t keep it a secret.  It’s just silly.

(photo: Angela Waye/ Shutterstock)

You can reach this post's author, Maria Guido, on twitter.
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  • Helen

    I’m pregnant with baby #2 right now. We found out on a Thursday it was a girl, so at my son’s birthday party that Saturday (he’s 2) we had great-gramma open up a gift of a pink “little sis” onesie. It was just our parents and a couple close friends so they were all happy to find out in that way. I would never have a huge party JUST for that reason though.

    • Lori B.

      I can get behind this! You were able to do something cute and incorporate it into something that was already happening. I am all about creative ways of telling your friends and family the news, but not holding an entire event just for that purpose. And congratulations on baby #2!!!

    • C.J.

      That’s sweet, great-gramma must have been thrilled to get to open that present! Congratulations!

    • WinWin

      That is a great idea! It lets you reveal the gender in a fun way, but at the same time the guests won’t feel obligated to get a gift to the ‘reveal’ party.

  • Lori B.

    Yeah, I am with you on this. I am pregnant with my second child and on a birth board there are regular postings about what the couple should do for their gender reveal party, as if it is expected. I am not a fan of the idea for me personally and it does seem a bit self absorbed. I have heard that some people bring a friend to the gender scan and actually don’t find out the gender of their child until the gender reveal party. This seems to make more sense, I guess. I just think it is another opportunity for people to give you baby gifts. I feel like it is equivalent to the trend of having both an engagment party and a bridal shower. Now your friends and family have to give you gifts at least 3 times: gender reveal party/engagment party, baby shower/bridal shower, baby is born/wedding day. It all just makes me feel weird:/

    • goofyjj

      don’t forget the “welcome home gift”

      self absorbed AND greedy

    • mreyes

      I see your point. I’m expecting and wouldn’t do the whole gender reveal party either. But from my understanding it’s not a gift giving party. I’ve had a couple of friends do that for close friends and family but neither expected or received gifts. And one said she had it only because everyone was so anxious and kept asking her the gender and thought it would be cute and a nice get together for the family and friends.

  • Justme

    Hmm. Well. My husband and I did have a gender reveal party. It was for our family and close friends. Everybody made guesses, we ate delicious food and drank beer and wine. The grandmother’s cried when the cake was cut and everybody cheered and congratulated us. It wasn’t self-absorbed or decadent and I was certainly NOT the mother-to-be that craved tons of attention and believed I was the center of the universe because of my ability to procreate. It was fun. It was an opportunity to get together with people we love and who love us back, to celebrate something exciting in our lives. We celebrate their birthdays, their anniversaries and their children in the same manner.

    If we are to have another child we won’t find out the gender and instead it will be a surprise during the delivery. My MIL had the tendency with our first child to go overboard with pink everything so I figured maybe by not knowing then she won’t be clearing out the shelves at Babies R Us. Also, I’ll be having a scheduled C-section for this baby and since the birth most likely won’t be a surprise, I’d like the gender to be one.

    Upon hearing this, my MIL did say “You can’t do that! Well, I’ll just go and ask your OBGYN – they’ll tell me whether it’s a boy or a girl.”

    Ahem. Sigh. See what I mean?

    I think the greater message is this…….to each his own.

    You don’t have to pay for the party so why be judgmental of it? Why not just go for the free food and booze and have a good time while supporting your friends?

    • http://www.facebook.com/houde.veronique Véronique Houde

      Isn’t that the point? Some people might not want to partake in such activity ;). I think it’s great that, in your family circle, this was an exciting thing! However, some people might find it overkill… Remember that some people still dread going to baby showers – gender reveal parties is just a notch beyond that!

    • Justme

      It was an excuse to get together with our friends and have a good time. Trust me, I hate being the center of attention and I definitely WASN’T “that” bride or pregnant woman. BUT I love my friends and we love to get together and eat and drink. Who cares what’s the reason?! I didn’t ask for presents or gifts…I just wanted my home to be filled with our friends and family. Yeah, we cut a cake and said “hey, it’s a girl!” but the most important fact was that our group of friends were together having a good time.

      Secondly, for a website that prides itself on not judging, the writers sure do a whole lot of judging what other mothers and fathers do.

      Apparently I’m in the minority – I don’t care what kind of parties my friends throw. If they want to get together and have a good time, I will be there to support them. It’s not my place to judge the reason for the party or get-together, but instead to show support and affection for my friends.

    • LambdaDash

      Hey,
      I think what you did was just fine and I’m a bit surprised at the hate-on you’re getting. You wanted to share and celebrate an important moment with your friends and family and you did. You’re allowed to share joyous occasions with people, whether it be birthdays, graduations, a new home, student loan paid off, etc. It doesn’t make you a narcissist, especially if there was no expectation of gifts. I hope you had a great party and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it :)

    • Justme

      Thank you. I’m a bit surprised as well but I think things tend to get misinterpreted in the interwebs. :) We just like to throw parties and get our friends together, regardless of the reason.

    • http://fairlyodd.net Frances Bean

      I can understand what you’re saying, as long as you didn’t register for gifts for this party (yes, it happens) and you didn’t do some massive invite on Facebook for people you barely know. But yeah, it’s kind of narcissistic. It just is. So is Facebook (and Myspace was worse) and Twitter and plenty of other things people do. I think the gender reveal thing would be better suited to a baby shower or in lieu of a shower if it’s your second or third etc kids, but to each his own.
      Just a side note, I’m not judging you at all. I plan on throwing myself a 30th birthday party with all the bells and whistles because I never had a party as a kid or an adult and dammit I want some birthday cake and party hats. I think it’s okay to be self absorbed some times but I won’t delude myself that anyone else will care as much as I do.

    • Justme

      No registry or gifts expected at all! We have a great group of friends who all used to work together but in the past few years people have changed jobs or moved away. We just like any excuse to get together (without kids!) and have a party. One couple just remodeled their kitchen…so of course there was a “grand opening” since the husband is a great and passionate cook! I think intentions go a long way in things like this. I don’t expect the world to stop because of my life choices but I do want to share the joys (and unfortunate sorrows) with the people I love.

    • http://fairlyodd.net Frances Bean

      I don’t think the type of party you had is the same thing Maria is talking about. It sounds more like a fun get together where you happened to reveal your baby’s gender rather than a huge shindig where you demanded time and attention (and gifts) from your friends.

      I lost a friend last year because of a disagreement about a gender reveal party. She had already registered for the shower and I attended that and bought a nice gift, and I was shocked when the invitation for the gender reveal party (which they did in the 8th month and it was the worst kept secret ever) included a note about where to buy a gift! And she registered at Macy’s! I know Macy’s isn’t the most expensive place, but in this economy buying something from Macys after I already shelled out money at Babies-R-Us was more than I could afford. I told her I wasn’t going to be able to bring a gift, thinking she would be understanding and she called me a cheap bitch and stopped talking to me.

      This was a woman who was perfectly sane before having kids. She also made excuses about coming to my baby shower (and then called my family cheap for not having one for number 2 and 3). I know I’m rambling a bit but my point is that not every one is as normal and sane with their parties as you, lol. No one minds coming over to BBQ and find out your baby’s sex, but some people take it wayyyy too far!

    • Justme

      I think there are Bride-zillas and there are Mothers-to-be-zillas (surely there’s a better phrase for that) that go above and beyond what is considered appropriate and polite.

      I lost a friend over a wedding dispute – she was a Bridezilla and couldn’t understand why I (a single girl at the time) wasn’t willing to shell out money to fly halfway across the country and rent a house on the coast for her bachelorette weekend, which happened to be two weekends before her wedding…….for which I had already bought a several hundred dollar plane ticket (+ bridesmaid dress) to attend. Then she turned around and couldn’t understand why I wasn’t so demanding with people and events surrounding my wedding. I made sure to end the friendship before either of us became pregnant.

    • MommyK

      Wow, sorry to hear about that terrible frenemy you had! Definitely not a true friend; you’re better off without someone crazy like that in your life, yikes!

    • WinWin

      I think the scenario you explained would work since it would be only close friends.Honestly, it was a close friend and she said “Don’t get gifts! Just come and enjoy good food” – I would take her word for it. But if it is someone I am not very close to, I would still feel obligated to buy a gift because I would feel weird going to a baby related party empty handed. I guess it was because of the culture I was raised in..we never go to meet a baby/pregnant lady or to someone’s house for the first time empty handed.

    • Justme

      It was a small party – family plus my close girlfriends and a few of our “couple” friends with whom we celebrate birthdays and anniversaries as well as attend funerals of parents or bring dinner over after a surgery. Some people did choose to bring small gifts but I was surprised that they had done that for me because that was in no way my intentions or desires.

    • It’sGoodtobeSociallyAwareMom

      To me there is nothing different from your gender reveal party and any other gender reveal party. Sorry, but I don’t buy the “we just wanted an excuse to get together” reasoning. You’re talking about your friends and family, yes? Then you don’t need an excuse to get together. You get together simply because you are friends and family.

      I don’t think it’s just about supporting friends in a situation like this. It still seems like, “Hey! Another reason to have a party for ME!” A good friend provides support when support is needed – not when they had to make special arrangements to find out which bathroom their friend’s baby will use.

      I don’t typically cast judgment against people over stuff like this, but I really dislike this kind of justification. I’ve heard the same thing from people who are having showers for their 2nd, 3rd, and 4th children, brides who are having three, four, and five showers in addition to an engagement party and a morning after brunch, etc. If all you really want is to spend time with your friends, why not do what you would do any other day and just spend time with them without having a label and theme?

    • Justme

      Quite frankly, you don’t have to “buy” the reasoning….it’s the truth.

  • ipsedixit010

    I think “self-absorbed” is certainly an accurate description for these parties.

    It’s something that is important only to the parents and probably grandparents and siblings. I think anyone else could give a flying flip about the gender of your baby. Boy? GREAT! Girl? FABULOUS! Why create suspense where none is needed?

  • LiteBrite

    One of my co-workers did what I thought was a neat thing. At their 5-month checkup, her and her husband had the doctor write the sex of the baby on a little card and seal the envelope. That night, they had a really nice dinner at home where they opened the card, in other words, a gender-reveal party of two.

    i could get behind something like that.

    • itsdanilove

      That is really sweet.

    • Guest

      I’ve heard of people giving the envelope to a friend or a baker, and having them bake a gender reveal cake for the couple and their parents/close family, so then they all find out together. I don’t think I would do something that elaborate, but it’s at least better than a big formal to-do.

    • SRBBecker

      My husband and I are doing this on Wednesday (3/27). We thought it would be more romantic to find out alone and at a nice romantic dinner. Can’t wait! Then we have some other ideas for family and friends (they are all on the east coast) so they will also know the gender of the baby.

  • It’sGoodToBeSociallyAwareMom

    I completely agree with this article. I would not go to a gender reveal party much less have one of my own. Finding out what you’re having? Great! Let me know. Call me. Tell me the next time we see each other. Post it on facebook. Do not make me stand around at a party with twenty other people gathered for an announcement that will take approximately two seconds.

  • A. Levy

    My OB said that once people know the child’s sex, they overwhelmingly give clothes, often impractical clothes, as shower gifts. Maybe that plays a role.

    • Rebecca

      This is completely true! Especially if it’s a girl. My daughter was given 4 expensive fussy dresses in the 3-6 month size. Since she was born in February they were to big for easter and there were no occasions after that for her to wear them for. It was such a waste. She still gets lots of puffy dresses from my sister and aunt, but I let her wear then whenever she wants:)

  • http://fairlyodd.net Frances Bean

    I think it’s a cute idea to do a big reveal at the baby shower but throwing a whole new party is so narcissistic. I actually stopped talking to a friend last year who did this. She went as far as to register at Macy’s for the gender reveal; after registering at Babies-R-Us for the shower and got pissed at me for telling her I couldn’t afford a second present!

  • Ellie

    We have some friends who combined this with their shower. Her best friend wanted to throw them a shower, so they chose to bring her to the ultrasound, and the Dr gave the *friend* the information. She then sent the invites to the shower, with the sex of the baby information, and everyone kept it a secret. Then at the shower, before the gifts, they cut the cake to reveal the pink or blue. So the parents were the last to know – by their choice. It was actually a lot of fun. I wouldn’t choose that myself, but if this is what they wanted, I’m good with it.

    • Andrea

      Well that’s kinda cool. Not what I would do, but I can dig it. Since it was combined with baby shower, it’s just another cool part of it.

    • MommyK

      That’s a neat idea to have the parents be the last to know! I’ve never actually heard of that before :)

  • Anna

    My thoughts are that some people who choose not to reveal don’t want gift-givers to go nuts with pink everything for girls and blue everything for boys. I can’t stand this trend myself and I probably won’t reveal the sex of my kid until they’re born.

    • http://twitter.com/randomanalysis Darby

      Hi-five! Glad someone else feels the same way.

    • lea

      Good point! Although if I went down that road (of finding out but not wanting to tell people) I wouldn’t tell people I know, I’d say we were waiting too.

    • sparklesmcgee

      After telling everyone I’m going to find out with this pregnancy, I’m now frantically trying to backtrack and tell people we’ve decided to wait and see, for the reasons above. I’m a really hopeless lier though so not sure I can pull it off.

    • sparklesmcgee

      Yes! Just going through this myself with number two. Both grandmothers are dying to know the sex so they can “start shopping”. But we already have TONS of gender neutral clothes from our (didn’t find out till birth) son and I really really don’t want a ton of pink stuff to add to that if its a girl. I get that a girl would be really exciting for them as the clothes ARE super cute, but we have very limited storage space and I don’t like the inevitable guilt involved in having lots of clothes that barely get worn (even if they get donated to those in need eventually). Anyway long winded way of saying yes, I definitely think not telling is a way to avoid unnecessary gifts, and especially tons of pink if that’s not your bag. Most def isn’t mine!

  • http://www.facebook.com/courtney.wooten Courtney Lynn

    I do not understand gender reveal parties and honestly, I think they’re stupid.

  • Andrea

    I loled at the phrase “creating a whole human being”. When I was pregnant my husband would asked me all time how come I was so tired all the time. I would say: “I provided a entire life support system for a human being, WTF did YOU do today??” He would, wisely, go laugh out of hearing.

    And on topic: I think the whole gender reveal party is a whole lotta crap. Most of my friends are done having kids, so this isn’t likely to come up in my circle. But if it does, I ain’t going. Either tell me or don’t, but I am not dedicated a whole evening/afternoon to something so trivial.

  • JLS

    Great article, but please note that the use of ‘gender’ is false. Gender is a social construct and parents will not know a child’s gender until well after birth when the child identifies as being a ‘girl’ or a ‘boy.’ The term sex, which you do use when referring to your own baby, is the only correct term when referring to a fetus/infant. The phrase ‘gender reveal party’ drives me nuts because it is not at all accurate and perpetuates the misuse of the word gender… but I guess ‘sex reveal party’ is a bit more of an ambiguous title…

    • mm

      You’re totally right but people use it as a euphemism because “sex” is a big scary bad word to the majority of this backwards country.

  • http://twitter.com/randomanalysis Darby

    My family who will insist on giving me pink frilly clothing or blue car toys are what is keeping me from revealing the sex of my baby. I know they will roll their eyes and give me these things anyway despite my insistence that I don’t want gender-specific toys or clothes.

    And no, I’m not having a “gender reveal” party. They’ll find out when the baby is born along with everyone else.

  • Persistent Cat

    I used to work in children’s wear in a department store. If people don’t know the sex, you’re going to get mint and yellow. I think that’s worse than pink or blue.

    And the sex of the child is a surprise whether or not you learn when you’re still pregnant or just given birth.

    I would be pissed if I were invited to a gender reveal party. If I’m invited over for a party (no theme), great. But I put that kind of party up there with a candle or fantasia party. Stuff is expected of me.

  • justhypatia

    I’ve never seen a sex reveal that didn’t take place at the baby shower. So no separate party. Also the reveal tricks I’ve seen, such as the cake, the parents didn’t know either. They took a sealed envelope from the ultrasound technician to the bakery, so you get the whole excitement of the parents learning for the first time as well.

  • MommyK

    Even though it’s obviously not my business, I definitely get annoyed when friends, etc tell me they found out the sex of their baby, but they’re not telling. I wish the parents would just tell me they don’t know the sex either, then I won’t bug them to tell me. But when people say, “We know but we’re not telling” it always seems like, “I know something you don’t know…” Obviously, people can do whatever they want, as they are the parents of the baby. I’m just too impatient to know (can you tell I found out the sex of my baby as soon as possible?).

    • AmyRenee

      I think this song sums up my feelings on what you said pretty well: http://www.garfunkelandoates.com/2011/12/16/pregnant-women-are-smug-by-garfunkel-and-oates/
      We WANTED to find out whether our second was going to be a boy or girl and he wasn’t cooperative at the ultrasound. But whenever I told people that they accused me of trying to keep it secret. No! I really wanted to know because I’m an impatient person, but the baby had other ideas

    • MommyK

      Hahaha, thanks for sharing that video! So funny :)

  • K.

    I had a gender-reveal shower, which seems to be more the norm in my experience than a separate shower AND gender-reveal party. We had the doc write the sex of the baby on a card and sealed it in an envelope, then gave it to my sister to bake a cake that was dyed blue or pink, then cut it at the shower. The shower was otherwise a typical shower except for this one “event.” I’ve been to other showers that were similar; some included a raffle drawing based on who guessed the sex correctly and other silly games.

    I guess I’m on board with the writer in that having TWO separate events is a bit much, but while I’m sure the sex of my child wasn’t a big deal to my guests, I doubt that they had much of a problem watching us cut the cake at the shower.

    And yes, the advantage to doing this is if you’re like me and would much prefer hand-me-downs and consignment shop reuse for clothes and toys and stuff, and much NOT prefer to over-genderize a baby, it does discourage some people (of course, not ALL!) from purchasing a million blue baseball caps or pink tutus.

    • K.

      Oh, and PS–unlike the couple in the writer’s story, we also didn’t know the sex until the shower. Incidentally, I think that IS a bit odd that the couple knew and was “revealing” to everyone else!

  • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter

    I’m not implying that your friends and family aren’t thrilled. I’m just suggesting that maybe you shouldn’t act like the sex of your baby is the biggest surprise since The Crying Game. Nobody is losing sleep over this. Nobody.

    Hahaha! SO great!

  • Jo

    Coming from the UK, where baby showers are generally seen as a little self indulgent at best and tempting fate at worst, the idea of throwing yet another party to celebrate getting knocked up seems downright ridiculous. I had a brief flirtation about not telling people that we had found out we were having a son, simply because I didn’t want to hear any cliched predictions about what boys are like, but had I chosen to actually go through with keeping the secret I can’t imagine telling people that I knew but wasn’t telling them – that imbues people, who are generally asking out of politeness alone, with an unrealistic level of interest in something which will really only have a minuscule effect on anyone other than us.

  • Lulu

    Who cares? It’s their kid. I don’t understand why the writer is so upset by it. Get over yourself.

  • FluffyRhino

    I wouldn’t say “Nobody cares”; rather, “People don’t care as much as you think they do.”
    Personally, I found out the genders of both my children, and hesitated to share the gender both times, though I ultimately did. My reason for hesitation was a concern that the ultrasound could be wrong; also, I really prefer gender neutral clothes, and have an extreme distaste for sexist children’s clothing. I thought that perhaps not making a big deal about the gender would help me avoid little baby clothes with slogans along the lines of “I’m a spoiled, entitled princess/diva.” or, “I’m a boy, and therefore have to be obsessed with sports, cars, and tools.”

    • FluffyRhino

      Also, to inform people of my son’s gender, my then-5-year-old daughter, my husband, and I got some blue cupcakes and took them to the grandparent-to-be’s homes, where my daughter was able to do a dramatic reveal. It was great fun for her, and a way to help build her excitement about the baby, so she’d view him as a blessing and not an intruder. Also, everyone got cupcakes, and that’s always a good thing.

  • http://twitter.com/babyfetti baby gender reveal

    Oh my goodness! We are so biased! LOL! We actually have a website that specializes in providing information to mothers who want to throw a gender reveal party. The vast majority of women that we speak to are throwing intimate gatherings for family or friends, who probably do not consider them to be narcissistic. My personal view is – who cares? If someone thinks you’re narcissistic, it’s more of a reflection on them than on you, and they are well within their rights not to attend the party. More cake for everyone else! Congrats to all the pregos here!

  • Mkieper

    I don’t agree with this article. My husband And I are throwing a gender reveal party because of everything we have been thru to get to this point. I am not having a shower as this is my third child. We have had over ten losses in the last four years and we thought this would be a great way to celebrate the miracle we have growing inside of me. I think it is so sad that people would think that it is out of being absorbed.

  • Miraclebaby

    I actually had family and friends ask if I had ever heard of anything like this and if I would want to do it. Me and my husband have had a really hard time getting pregnant and have had a major streak of bad luck in that area. Our friends and family know this and they want to celebrate with us for everything because they were there with us through the bad. I do not feel I am in any way, shape, or form self absorbed. We also told everyone that this is going to double as our shower and we do not want gifts at the baby shower and if they really feel they have to bring something then just bring a gift card to babies r us so we can pick what we want later. (Some of the family won’t let us not have a present) we are keeping it a very small event with around 12 people simply because we don’t want it to be a big production. So not all of us are self absorbed. You should think about the people who have gone through some really terrible things with having a baby (and yes I do mean worse than a miscarriage) and their family and friends who have been there for them.

  • moxielady3

    I feel like almost everyone else is more excited than us to know what we are having. Personally, I thought it would very intimate and special to find out at the same time all of our close, loved ones do- and coming from a family that doesn’t hold back- I think most of them agree and love the idea. I also did not want anyone to get me anything gender specific for my shower (we won’t go into that- it comes along with the OCD). Although, I can see how it could be annoying or over the top or done for selfish reasons, I think it is awfully prejudice to categorize all gender reveals parties into silly, selfish and unwanted. Just like most everything in life, there is good way for them to be done. We ended up “opting out” of the gender reveal party anyway… but I would be happy for my close friends and family if I was honored to share such a special moment with them.

  • Marissa

    I don’t know, my best friend owns a bakery, and I would totally ask her to be the one to know and make a pink or blue cupcake so my husband and I could cut it and find out… Maybe that’s strange or self-centered, but she’d be happy to do it and I think that’d be cute.

    • http://www.facebook.com/stina.kolling Stina Wargo Kolling

      assuming that in this hypothetical case you’re the pregnant one, this is an entirely different situation.

  • sam

    You are so full of yourself. You are calling yourself a well rounded parent because you revealed your babies gender from the beginning? That has nothing to do with what kind of parent you are. And some people choose to share their excitement in different ways..just because its not how you would do it does not make it wrong or make them self absorbed. And your title itself is a load of bs. If you didn’t care about the gender reveal then you wouldn’t have written a whole article bitching about it.

  • http://twitter.com/Classy_Woman Karla M. Davis

    As someone who is thinking of hosting one, I really don’t see how this type of celebration is any different than attending another special event, like a surprise birthday party. Yes, in that case the surprise if for the birthday gal/guy and in this case it’s for the guests. We don’t entertain much at all and recognize that we’ll likely have more people over after the baby is born so it’s an attempt on our side to do something fun, entertain and host others as they have hosted us in the past.

    We had many family members really wanting to know and if they truly want to be the first to know and care to come over and enjoy free food, drinks, cake, win a prize and be in the company of us, other family and friends they know also (we’re keeping it at around 15-20 of our closest family & friends that actually care about the sex of our child) then they will be there, if not then they won’t. We’re attending a BBQ the weekend before the date hubby and I have talked about doing our party to get together with friends,eat, laugh, have fun. Why is everyone so down on the gender reveal concept? I am clearly stating on the invite ‘no gifts’ so this is also not an attempt to seek out presents.

    We waited 6.5 years to start a family so in our case this has been long awaited by several friends and family who truly celebrate with us and are not selfish people who only think of themselves and have an attitude of ‘the only one that cares about your party is you’. I like to enjoy life and celebrate with others. My motto is: Until further notice, celebrate EVERYTHING! Life is short! Until we as people learn to celebrate with others successes and exciting milestones in life we can’t expect to have others celebrate in our own. I’ve been to many celebrations, weddings, showers, b-day parties, the list goes on. Most people are happy to look for an excuse to pop over for 1.5-2 hours and do something different than they normally would on a Saturday or Sunday while someone else picks up the tab and mess after they leave.

  • Jas

    I actually never really heard about this trend until I got pregnant (5months now). I’m actually going to have a gender reveal party and I think it’s a cute idea. However, it wasn’t even my idea to have one all my friends pushed me to have it because they all want to be there and know a the same time. My husband and I are def excited but we didn’t expect everyone to be just as excited as we were. So our friends will be throwing us the party! I guess we just have good friends.

  • http://www.facebook.com/EmilyChun.Hei Chun Hei

    hmm. Seems the writer is a bit bitter.

  • Michaela Roberts

    I disagree with this post. This is our third child. The idea of a gender reveal didn’t even occur to us with our previous pregnancies. After seeing other people do them, I realized that I don’t like the pressure of phone calls from overstepping family members demanding to know the gender of the baby. Most of this pressure comes from family for us, and it’s family that the gender matters to in terms of us being barraged with baby name suggestions, gifts, and comments about what the baby will be like, what life is going to be like, and what sibling relationships will be like. The other thing is that many people have gone to the mindset that 3 and more children are just “extras” and they don’t really care about them. Gender reveals are a way for the parents who feel excited about the pregnancy but maybe aren’t receiving the same amount of excitement from family and friends to do something extra for the baby to say, “Hey, we haven’t forgotten about you!” With a third, you usually don’t have a shower. We’ll be throwing our own dinner celebration hopefully after baby is born to celebrate her! Children grow up and see pictures of these kinds of events and they get a feeling for whether or not they are cherished. So, don’t make everything about you, Pal. Not all parents are self-absorbed. Many are excited, yes. And some of us are trying to solidify a commitment to our children with the same excitement we had for our other babies. And some of us are trying not to need to be put on bed rest because of overbearing family members.

  • sarie06

    wow I guess they don’t invite you anymore! to ANYTHING! I wouldn’t! I uess it is the same as sharing the excitment – Do you feel this way when the parents don’t find out untill the party too – or only when they know first – I actually give a shit about how my friends feel and get excited for them when I see they are excited – That is what REAL friends do – I am glad I don’t have you in my circle, Phewww~!

  • sarie06

    I’m also pretty sure no one is asking for a gift – that is not what this is about – and if you think this is seflish and narcissitic then what the hell do you think registering is – “Hey come celebrate me having a baby – and BRING A GIFT – in fact I’ll just tell you what to buy – please avoid putting any thought into it or getting me a gift only because you want to” – That is way further beyond my comprehension then sharing a big surprise with friends

  • BB

    WOW- I am assuming with your personality you wouldn’t have anyone who would make an effort to come to yours if you had one…

  • airay

    I’ll admit that I was considering doing a gender reveal party mainly because my husband and my families are from three separate states (Utah, Kansas, and Georgia) and they’re all fighting who we go to for the baby shower and Thanksgiving (since I can’t travel for Christmas and this is our first kid). I figured if we were to do a gender reveal in one place, baby shower in another, and Thanksgiving at the last then everyone would be happy. Then I changed my mind because that’s just too much traveling for me right now. So for the gender reveal, I’m sending boxes to the soon-to-be grandparents for them to open and find out the gender…then I’m posting it on Facebook once they all know. Simple as that. But with that being said, I don’t think that EVERYONE doing a gender reveal is egotistical. Get to know WHY they’re doing it first before you label them as such.

  • Moony

    I would want to find out the gender ASAP. However, I wouldn’t do a “gender” reveal (it’s a SEX reveal – gender is personality-based!) and I most certainly wouldn’t tell anyone. In fact, I’d probably just pretend I didn’t know myself because I hate the whole stereotypical pink and blue crap! Especially since blue was originally for girls and pink was for boys, but that’s a different story entirely.

    I don’t think that these little celebrations are necessarily narcissistic but I just wish people would stop putting so much emphasis on gender, that’s all…

  • Bunch of rejects!

    Man, you people sound like pathetic losers. What do you have going on in your pointless lives that would restrain you from a freakin party with a friend or loved one? dont be mad that your endless nights of binging on the couch has made you too fat to wear anything nice to a party. And just cus someone registers somewhere doesnt mean you HAVE to get a present there. You guys are probably just a bunch of fat disgusting 35 year old slobs who are mad at the world cus no one wants to reproduce with your insignificant ass.

  • Beth

    After two heart breaking miscarriages we have our first healthy baby on the way and we and our families out reveling in every little bit of joy from this sweet baby. How dare you tell me I am self absorbed to want to share that joy with ther people who also shared in our pain with our losses! We appreciate the people who stood by us in our time of loss. Why should we keep the joy of this life just to ourselves?

  • Jen

    I think having a gender revealing party either way is ridiculous, I refuse to attend them. It’s all ME ME ME part of it that I cannot stand.

  • Annoyed

    This person is very unhappy with life. Be happy for everyone else and stop being a biter. The end!

  • Had a good chuckle

    I think it funny that you wrote an entire article about how it means absolutely nothing to you.

  • Choppy

    Wow…did someone forget to eat their fiber ???
    Honestly, what’s so wrong with celebrating the good times?

  • Blakelee

    I’m having my gender reveal on Saturday, I don’t expect people to bring presents I just want a celebration that honors both me and husband. I feel like the baby shower leaves him out, and this is a celebration he can invite his friends to as well and show how proud he is to be a dad. I didn’t decide to throw one because I’m self centered, I just think it’s a cute trend.

  • Mufasa McFurry

    Soon-to-be-Moms, the writer is correct- NOBODY CARES about the gender of your kid. It makes you people look narcissistic and self-centered to others. Have a baby shower, but that’s it! I hope any person that decides on this tacky party winds up with a hermaphrodite, LOL!

  • Julie A

    Some people may enjoy going to a reveal party for a good friend. If it wasn’t a party where I was expected to bring a gift or block of an entire Saturday afternoon or travel an hour+ and I was good friends or family, why not? I can understand that some (if not most) are overboard and overly done, but what’s wrong with a fun get-together with family and close friends so everyone that has been asking every other day what you are going to have can have a fun way to find and all find out at once?? I say, it can be fun and cute and what’s wrong with that. Don’t be so bothered- just don’t go.

  • KiR13

    Many people learn the gender right along with their guests. I personally don’t have the time, energy, or money to spend on am actual party but for those who do… great! I think some people just want to be a little more creative when finding out/revealing the baby’s gender. What I don’t understand is the blatant disdain for those who choose to do so. If people truly did not care, they wouldn’t be writing blogs complaining that they didn’t find out the sex of their friend’s child exactly when and how they wanted to.

  • Ken

    I disagree we just had a gender reveal as it was a huge success. Friends and family were excited to share the news and catch up. This post makes you seem jaded and annoying.

  • Laura Hattaway

    I found this article because I Googled “gender reveal parties what is wrong with people.” :D I am 41 years old and – surprise! – pregnant, and I can’t imagine being in a place where I felt comfortable making my people come over to my house just to open a box of balloons. In fact, I find that I’m very grumpy about the way others are handling their pregnancies in general (having just gotten an invitation to a baby shower for a young lady who used to go to my church, but with whom I did not have a special relationship and have neither seen nor spoken to nor even exchanged Facebook greetings in over a year). They are all good reminders to enjoy this process between my husband, daughter, and myself, and if anyone else wants to be happy for us, that’ll be great. And if they don’t, that’ll be great, too. I’m not even going to have a baby shower, because I’m a grown-ass woman and I can buy the stuff I need. But I do want a cake. I’m going to special-order a “baby-no-shower cake” because I really like cake. :D And if anyone wants to share it with me, they’re welcome to… but they can’t bring presents.

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