• Wed, Oct 10 - 11:33 am ET

1 In 5 Americans Has No Religious Affiliation So Stop Asking Me When I’ll Baptize My Son

With new data from Pew Research Center showing one-fifth of Americans claim no religious affiliation whatsoever – I don’t feel so bad about not baptizing my son.  I just wonder if this new data indicates that people will stop asking me when I plan on doing it.

I wouldn’t call myself an atheist, but I wouldn’t call myself particularly religious either.  I don’t go to church, I don’t pray before meals, and I’ve never really spoken to any of my friends about organized religion.  Which is why I was pretty surprised when many if my friends started asking me if I would baptize my son after he was born.  I was even more surprised to find out that many of these friends had baptized their own children.

I don’t have a lot of religious friends.  I know almost no one who even attends the special occasion church services – like Easter and Christmas.  Still, many of these same people are baptizing their children. I’m not judging anyone for wanting to baptize a child. I just think it is a little odd to go through such an intricate, meaningful ceremony if you aren’t personally invested in the church and what it preaches.

To some extent, I get it.  I gave my son the Varicella vaccine even though I read that you often need boosters and it doesn’t totally guarantee that your child won’t get chicken pox.  I did it just in case.  Maybe that’s where all these questions are coming from.  Just in case there’s hell, are you baptizing your child? We did!

 A few months after he was born, my mother basically planned his baptism, down to choosing his godparents.  It was then that I realized I had a stance on the whole thing.  It was no.  No, I will not be baptizing my child just because it is the norm.  Maybe now that religious affiliation in this country is shifting, there will be a new norm; one that will stop assuming that everyone has to perform intricate religious ceremonies just in case.

(photo: Martin Kucera/ Shutterstock)

You can reach this post's author, Maria Guido, on twitter.
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  • TheLily

    Good for you! I’m quite religious, but of course my religion requires the child to be a certain age before they can be officially brought in. I like that. My mother was a Catholic, and never baptised me. I would have understood if she did, but I’m glad she didn’t. She told me that when I turned sixteen that I could choose my religion. That’s how I plan on teaching my kids. I’ll bring them to services of many different kinds because I don’t think it’s right to force a religion on a child who can’t understand and might not later be able to pull away from something they have been raised to believe is right.

    that’s not really the same topic… Oops. Either way, good for you for not falling into something you don’t believe in, per se.

    • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Guerrilla Mom

      Totally. I am not anti-religion at all, but since I am not rooted in one I would rather teach my son that there are many and let him choose for himself. Or choose not to choose.

    • Jenni

      I have to ask, how did choosing your own religion go down? Did your mother take you to different churches/temples/etc or did you decide to research stuff all on your own? I am interested because that is how I would want to raise my child, to pick her own religion instead of me pushing my beliefs on her.

    • TheLily

      My older brothers are of varying religions. They sort of found their footing because my step-dad is an atheist, but his wife was in AA and found religion that way. I explored for a number of years without my mom. She wanted me to be Catholic, but understood that it didn’t fit me. I lived in a primarily Christian city, so it was very hard to explore anything. There was a church on every corner, but nothing else.

      I ended up heading to the internet to find a place and researched what I liked about religions and took to some and cast off others. I probably started my search when I was 12. (My mom trusted me with the internet so I wasn’t monitored heavily.) All of this came into me finding myself and religion I felt comfortable with. I have never been able to accept there was nothing, so I just kept looking.

      I’m hoping that my children can benefit from my search and will appreciate my efforts to give them the choice. My husband and I are two different people. He’s agnostic where as I am quite heavily into my faith; even our views are different as far as religions go.

      I hope that my kids would be able to search it out on their own, but I want to be there to encourage them. Especially since we live in a city where there are so many different churches, Mosques, Synagogs and temples.

  • Bettie

    I don’t have enough faith to go to church but I will baptize my kid just in case there’s a hell because omniscient beings fall for that shit all the time.

  • http://fairlyodd.net Frances Bean

    I get this BS all the time and I AM an atheist (and everyone knows it). People act like it’s child abuse, or that I should just do it to please the grandparents. Sorry, I am not going to put my kids through an intricate religious ceremony that means a lot to many people just to make someone else happy. I think the idea of raised your children without these things (or without god at all) is a hot button issue. People will take what you won’t do as an indictment on their choices.

  • C.J.

    It really isn’t anyone else’s business wether you baptise yor child or not. Some religions don’t baptise as children, they only baptise at an age where you understand baptism. Some people choose to let their child choose when they are old enough to decide for themselves. We are Catholic and we didn’t baptise our children until thet were almost 2 and 4 years old (they were baptised at the same time) because of a death in the family when my oldest was born. Some people don’t believe in it. I can’t imagine asking someone a question like that unless I know for sure they are planning to baptise their child. Baptism is a very personal choice.

  • Elyse

    I think a lot of people choose to do this ceremonies not so much for the religious aspect but because they are a way to acknowledge and celebrate the birth as well as introducing the baby to everyone at once in an organized setting instead getting a million house/hospital visits (less need to chitchat, clean up, etc.).

  • LiteBrite

    I wasn’t baptized, and I seemed to have survived to adulthood. (I was, however, baptized when I decided to become Catholic about 15 years ago. Don’t ask.)

    Now, I identify as Agnostic. I had no plans to baptize our son, and everyone seemed okay with that except for, of course, my MIL. She pushed and whined until my husband gave in and started pushing ME on it. I fought at first, and DH would’ve respected my position, but then I decided that I was okay with it for a few reasons. First, I’m comfortable with him being raised in my MIL’s faith. Their pastor is a true Christian, a good man who not only talks the talk but walks the walk. Second, just because he’s baptized doesn’t mean he can’t choose something else later on. Third, it’s not an issue I want to hang my hat on.

    Four+ years later, I’m still okay with the decision. My husband attends church more often, and my son actually wants to go. And….I’m a lot more okay with that then I ever thought I’d be. I’m not posting this to try and change your mind. I think you need to do what you feel is right. I’m just giving you my own perspective, from the point of view of someone who thought she wouldn’t get her kids baptized and then did.

  • marisa

    I had a stillborn and my in-laws wanted to have her baptized for the in case there’s hell reason. And then they were total dickheads to me when I said No. As the religious are when they don’t get their way.

    • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Guerrilla Mom

      Oh, I’m so sorry. That is awful.

    • Lori B.

      I am so sorry for your loss. That was not appropriate of your in-laws. I can understand asking if they thought you were going to baptise the child, but not respecting your personal decision and being mean to you during such a difficult time is beyond appauling. I can only hope it was how they were reacting to the grieving.

    • C.J.

      Very sorry for your loss. Your in-laws were completely out of line and not even correct in their thinking about babies needing to be baptised in case there is a hell. My sister had a baby die at two days old. Her child is the reason we decided to delay baptising our child, they were born the same day and we thought it best to wait for her sake. She was really bothered because he wasn’t baptised while he was alive and looked into it. Turns out most Christian religions believe children under a certain age go to heaven automatically because they are innocent and haven’t sinned yet. Not that they had a right to try to influence you anyway but there reasoning for trying to push their beliefs on you was flawed. They should have been supporting you not making it harder on you.

  • Lori B.

    My father is an outspoken Atheist, I have followed in his footsteps, at least halfway. My mother had me secretly baptised Catholic with her best friend when I was a baby. Truthfully, I am not even sure if my father is aware of this today, which could very well be part of the reason they divorced 15 years ago. Recently, my sister-in-law joined the Catholic church and renewed her vows with her husband. She had a small gathering which was attended by a few of her friends and my family. While chatting with one of her friends, I was asked what was my religion. (I truly believe that this is the only situation where this is an appropriate question.) I told I didn’t have one. Being in a church at the time this question was asked, I didn’t feel comfortable saying I was an Atheist. She then asked if I was baptised and I tolds her I was, which made her label me as Catholic. Apparently in her eyes because I was baptised, I was Catholic. My mother’s decision to have me baptised automatically makes me Catholic? Sorry, no. I probably should have been more outspoken and explained that while I may have been baptised Catholic, there was no special Atheist baptism reversal ceremony and the fact that I choose not to identify as Catholic, makes me NOT CATHOLIC.

    • A. Levy

      Maybe there should be a an unbaptism ceremony. Instead of dousing with water we could rub vigorously with towels to absorb any lingering holy water. Or rub down with oil, since oil and water don’t mix. Or drink some wine. No symbolism there; I just enjoy drinking. Of course, any deconversion ceremony should take place in a natural history exhibit.

    • Lori B.

      Haha! Great idea!! If I am ever in this situation, I’ll just say, “No, really, I dried that holy water off my body years ago!”

  • just me

    I can’t believe that someone would suggest there is any chance of a stillborn baby going to hell. That’s nuts and I’m glad you stood your ground. I think many ‘religious’ people try to control others through fear.

  • CW

    As a Catholic, I actually wish MORE people would not baptize their children. Baptism is a promise that you will raise the child in that particular church. If you have no intention on doing so, then you are LYING in a very public fashion. Don’t do it unless you actually mean it.