Anonymous Mom is a weekly column of motherhood confessions, indiscretions, and parental shortcomings selected by Mommyish editors. Under this unanimous byline, readers can share their own stories, secrets, and moments of weakness with complete anonymity.
I have one son who is almost nine months and another daughter from a previous marriage who is almost 11. My daughter’s father is a very wealthy man. I do not mention this to be crass but because I worry about how differently my two children will be raised.
My daughter has been to Disneyland twice, Italy, California, Hawaii, Aspen to ski in winters, Arizona for spring break, and stays only at the best hotels. She has known how to call room service since she was two years old. When her father takes her on vacations, they always fly business class and she always comes back with a second suitcase full of new clothes (Dolce and Gabbana outfits, buttery-leather jackets, designer jeans.) Recently, her father took her to Los Angeles and she came back with five – yes five – pairs of new shoes, three new dresses, and a fur vest that I wished was a few sizes bigger so I could enjoy it too.
My daughter, thanks to her father, has more purses than I do.
He belongs to a private golf/tennis club and my daughter, too, is a member. She loves signing her name when she buys herself a hamburger or ice cream cone. Thanks to her father, she attends private school and will never have to worry about saving for college. I asked him once if I should start saving for her college education, and he said, “Don’t worry about it.” And so I don’t.
I also don’t worry about her getting a car when she is of driving age, because her father has already told her he would get her a car. Birthday parties for her (which he pays for) include fabulous costume dance parties, with almost 50 children, and $20 loot bags a child. His gifts to her for her birthday (which he generously includes me on the card) include iPads, cell phones, computers, and video cameras. He, too, because he can, pays for her overnight camp (for a month, it’s more than $5000) and all her extra-curricular activities.
He is a very loving father. They are very close.
When I got remarried two years ago and had a second child, I hadn’t really thought of the differences in how they would be raised. My husband and I already joke that our son better be good at some sort of sport to get a scholarship to college. I think about where we live and how there’s a great public school around the corner. My son will be going there.
I also think how lucky I am to have a son as opposed to another girl. He won’t be jealous of her walk in closet full of the best of clothes.
And, yes, we do go away on vacations as a family, but we sit in economy class, and stay at family-friendly cheap hotels. My daughter doesn’t realize just yet that she too will be very rich someday (she is her father’s only child and her father and I have discussed her trust fund, which she will inherit when she is 30.) My son, however, has no trust fund, and probably will never know what those words mean.
I find myself in a very perplexing position. I want, of course, what’s best for my daughter and she has the best. But I also want what’s best for my son, which will not come in monetary value, but with the same amount of love I have for my daughter. What my son does have, which my daughter doesn’t, is two parents who are happily married. So both have something the other doesn’t.
But I do wonder if one day, when my son is a little bit older, if he will wonder why his sister gets to fly all over the world and gets the latest in technology as gifts. Will he one day ask, “But SHE got a car! Why can’t I?” Luckily, my daughter doesn’t brag about what she has or gets because it’s her understanding of normal. My son’s normal will be a different kind of normal – the normal that is 99 percent of the world normal – but I do hope that love does conquer all. When it comes to love, at least that part is equal.
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