While we were all cozy in bed Lindsay Lohan was running over a pedestrian in downtown Manhattan because it is now Lindsay Lohan’s official job to make me shake my head sadly at her.
Lindsay obviously missed Anderson Live yesterday where our lovely Koa Beck was tweeting the episode and Anderson Cooper nicely asked for Lindsay to “go away” for a while. Lindsay did not go away, and instead ran over some guy. According to TMZ.com:
Lindsay was pulling in to park her Porsche Cayenne near the Dream Hotel in downtown NYC when — at a very low speed — she allegedly hit the knee of a 30-something year old guy. That was around shortly after midnight.
We’re told one of Lindsay’s passengers in the SUV got out and checked the vehicle for damage, and then LiLo and co. went inside the hotel.
We’re told someone called police while Lindsay was inside … and when she walked out of the hotel — around 2:30AM ET — officers arrested her.
This happened after Lindsay Lohan called out Amanda Bynes for not being arrested. Lohan tweeted Sunday:
“Why did I get put in jail and a nickelodeon star has had NO punishment(s) so far?”
But then Lindsay realized she was calling attention to someone other than herself so she decided to pull this stunt in Manhattan.
Lindsay and mother-of-the-year Dina Lohan celebrated Dina’s fiftieth birthday on Saturday after Dina spent time with Dr. Phil, flipping him off and talking about his little shoes. Dina has yet to make a comment on her daughter’s new arrest but I’m sure it’s just because she is busy feeding homeless people or getting botox or whatever it is she does.
I want Lindsay Lohan to come live with me now. I will look to Anderson Cooper to help me fix her. I know celebrity moms like Courtney Love have offered to take Lindsay under their wing but I’m about 37 percent positive I’m a better mother than Courtney Love. I will fix Lindsay chicken and dumplings and take her on long walks and we can watch Downton Abbey together and deep condition our hair and make her behave like a normal human being again. It’s getting to be difficult to hope Lindsay gets her shit together and stops getting arrested and makes a comeback and stops using black eyeliner on her waterline but I have total faith that I can help her. At the very least, I will drive her everywhere so she stops hitting people with her car.