Since giving birth to her son Lorenzo, Snooki has been busy on Twitter posting updates about breastfeeding, cuddling her baby, and about how happy and “blessed” she is to be a new mom. The Twitterverse is responding to these updates by suggesting that Snooki kill herself, or that she kill her baby.
I know who Snooki is. I’m vaguely aware of the gist of the Jersey Shore-A-Verse, I’ve caught the tail-end of an episode or two, and I assume it’s about a mess of not too terribly smart young adults who enjoy tanning, dancing in clubs, drinking a lot, screaming at each other, having sex with people, and crying. If I have missed something please feel free to point it out to me. Judging from the vitriol being anger-typed at Snooki on Twitter, I think I missed the episode where it’s revealed that Snooki is a descendent of Hitler, a serial-killer, one of the Manson girls (Is Snooki the other name for Squeaky?), a kitten puncher, best friends with Roman Polanski, and that she never returns her library books on time. She must be a very, very bad person.
Because she is a bad person (I believe this is due to the fact she drank a lot on her reality TV show and had sex with guys, two things that we can all agree with Twitter that are terrible and disgusting and should really be punishable by stoning) Snooki can now receive advice from all of the people who watched her TV show and got really angry at her having sex with guys and drinking. And having an orange complexion. And wearing a lot of eye makeup. And being short. And then having a baby. I’m not sure why people loathe Snooki so much, but I don’t think her baby, who has been breathing on this planet less than one month, really deserves the sort of fuckery being hurled at him in 140 character or less increments by a bunch of people he doesn’t know.