• Tue, Sep 11 2012

My Fiancé Got His Vasectomy Reversed For Me — And Now I Want Him Resnipped

vasectomy“I’m scarred for life,” my fiancé told me after I asked him how long it took for him to get over his vasectomy. He had the procedure done almost 11 years ago after the birth of his second child. Of course, we recently had a baby, so he did have a reverse vasectomy so we could.

The difference between getting a vasectomy and a reverse vasectomy is a lot. To get a vasectomy, it only takes about 20 minutes. When I went with him to the hospital so he could get his reverse vasectomy, the entire procedure took about three and a half hours and he was put under. It also cost $5,000. And, now, here I am asking him to get ANOTHER vasectomy. Am I demanding or what?

We have been having birth control talks lately and it pretty much comes down to this: As of present – gasp – we are using the pull out method. Not great considering the dude really does have super sperm. I was pregnant two months after his reverse vasectomy, which was great considering the doctor told us it could take up to a year for his sperm to, I don’t know, get working again, along with my age. Because he got a reverse vasectomy for me, I played nurse for him for about a week. He couldn’t play his beloved soccer for two months, which I felt bad about. I don’t doubt he was in pain. But yet, even though we weren’t supposed to have sex for three weeks, we were back at it, after his reverse vasectomy, about three days later. So, really, how much pain was he in? Or was he only not in pain when we were having sex?

The truth is, I can’t tell you, because I don’t have a penis. Just like men can’t really comprehend, no matter how much we are screaming and yelling and grabbing their chest hair, how much contractions hurt, us women can’t fathom what it’s like to be kicked in the balls or what it’s like to have a doctor perform an operation on your dick.

The doctor who performed his reverse vasectomy is actually an acquaintance of mine from the gym. We’ve run on the treadmill beside each other a few times. (As a side note, the gym is a wonderful place to meet people who can get you quick appointments. If you say, “We go to the same gym,” it seems to work as well, if not better, than saying, “You are friends with my mother.”) The doctor fit my fiancé in quickly.

You can reach this post's author, Rebecca Eckler, on twitter.
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  • Justme

    Somehow I knew it was Eckler.

    You’re welcome for the page click but I’ll keep my satisfaction of knowing that I didn’t really read your worthless drivel and whining.

  • Rebecca

    I was with you until the last snippet there- the whole, who knows, maybe I’ll make him get it reversed again line. You should probably make damn sure you’re done making babies, because forcing a second reversal, which you’ll probably want redone afterwards, would pretty much make you a horrible person. I’m saying this in as kind a tone as possible.

  • Smalls

    You know, I get what a pain in the ass birth control options are. I really do. But to think that one partner has the right to “demand” that the other in the relationship do something as significant as a reverse vasectomy/re-vasectomy is really crappy to me. You won’t let him “demand” that you get an IUD. What gives you the right to demand that of him? Shouldn’t this kind of significant stuff be decided on together?

    But who knows. Maybe you did decide on it together and you’re just writing to get a rise out of people. It feels like a shtick, and it’s becoming tiring. I think this may be the last time I indulge my curiosity.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kalliedesruisseaux Kallie Desruisseaux

    An IUD really is a lot lower risk than it used to be, and from my understanding is a lot less final and a lot lower risk than a vasectomy. It seems pretty selfish to be hyper aware of the risks of IUDs while discounting the risks of multiple vasectomies! I have the myrena IUD and it works fantastic for me!

  • maureen

    Haha it reminds of this clip from the office: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmGgV-2JNnM

  • Micha

    There are plenty of other options out there for bc for you. This is ridiculously selfish, which I am sure you already know. Maybe you could, I don’t know, talk to your GYN? The doctor that knows all about BC? Just a thought….

  • Fabel

    Dude, it’s not his penis the doctors are fiddling with– it’s his balls, I’m sure (I hope) you know this & just thought “penis” sounded better, but that was the one detail that bothered me.

  • Lindsay

    I recommend LadyComp instead of any other birth control methods.

  • meteor_echo

    Just get your tubes tied and leave the poor guy alone. He had his own lifelong share of reproductive surgery.
    Also, if anyone tried to convince me to reverse my tubal, I’d tell them to go take a flying leap.

  • denise

    What a controlling and selfish person. Women like this give women a bad name. Take RESPONSIBILITY for yourself and exert some self control. Get your tubes tied or some other form of birth control. As for your fiance’, he should run fast and far away…

  • denise

    What a controlling and selfish person. Women like this give women a bad name. Take RESPONSIBILITY for yourself and exert some self control. Get your tubes tied or some other form of birth control. As for your fiance’, he should run fast and far away…

  • denise

    What a controlling and selfish person. Women like this give women a bad name. Take RESPONSIBILITY for yourself and exert some self control. Get your tubes tied or some other form of birth control. As for your fiance’, he should run fast and far away…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Shelly-Lloyd/826469442 Shelly Lloyd

    I thought this particular “writer” was married.

    • Andrea

      But, that’s “so 2006″. Unless you finally convince your boyfriend to propose to you. Then you are all over it like a fat kid in a Twinky.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Shelly-Lloyd/826469442 Shelly Lloyd

      It seems like I read where she mentioned her husband and her. Or where her and her husband went on a honeymoon or something. I don’t know. I don’t really care anymore.

  • Guest

    What a controlling and selfish person. Women like this give women a bad name. Take RESPONSIBILITY for yourself and exert some self control. Get your tubes tied or some other form of birth control. As for your fiance’, he should run fast and far away…

  • Katharine

    Rebecca Eckler is consistently the most pretentious, deluded writer on this site. I would list all the reasons this article is (yet again) poorly written and reeking of entitlement but then I’d just be quoting the whole article.

  • Julie

    Seriously people, don’t even comment. She writes drivel like this to get a rise out of people. It’s comical.

  • http://www.facebook.com/courtney.wooten Courtney Lynn

    What? You can’t get your tubes tied? Yes, you are demanding. Consider yourself blessed that this man puts up with your shit.

  • no name

    The writer of this article is an asshole. Get over yourself lady. Get your damn tubes tied, and do something for HIM for once. He gave up his vasectomy in order for you to have another child, and you’re being selfish. Or get him to wear a condom and stop being such a baby about it. Ugh.

  • quinn

    I’ve honestly never had a problem with Eckler’s articles, they don’t offend me. What I am seeing is that she is getting a lot of exposure for writing articles that are laden with pretentiousness and brattiness, and she is alienating many of the readers. I’m not sure why everyone is so outraged, she has found a formula that works for her, and it is very obvious that she herself is buying into this schtick. I’m bored with the whole thing.

  • Kelly

    He’s done enough. You should take this one for the team this time. But if you’re worried about something invasive, check out Essure. It’s not the same as an IUD, and does the same job as a tubal without the surgery. It was so easy!

  • Rachael

    Umm, if you’re worried about the finality of a tubal ligation, then why are you having him consider another vasectomy, which is also intended to be final? (I highly doubt a second reversal would be at all guaranteed.) There are so many options out there that are effective but not permanent, you really should consider them all before either one of you undergoes surgery.

  • http://www.suburbansweetheart.com/ Suburban Sweetheart

    You have to recognize what a horrible person you sound like, in general, throughout this piece, right?

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/B4HVLD6UZOAC65L2QZ7LEFIRJE Neil

    I got snipped because I don’t want kids. If I were your fiance, I would have told you to go to the beach with a sledgehammer and pound sand up your ass.

  • NotThatRebecca

    Rebecca, do you ever consider the people in your life with whom you populate your columns? I was grazed by one, once upon a time, but tangentially enough that it didn’t bother me. But you write about astonishingly intimate and personal things, and while you may violate your own boundaries as much as you please, it’s hard to believe your baby-daddy, ex, mother, siblings, in-laws and most of all your boyfriends’ exes (and their kids! and yours!) are really ok with being featured like this. Are the men in your life exhibitionists? Because I feel like a voyeur, sometimes, reading your columns, and that doesn’t make for fun fluffy reading.
    If they’re ok with it, more power to you all. But it gets increasingly hard to believe that’s the case, and that becomes an ethical issue, for your employers at least, if not for you.

  • MGee

    Guess I can now say I’ve been at Mommyish long enough now that I, too, can play Spot the Eckler Article game! Woohoo. BTW, yes, it makes you selfish or what. Especially the end part where you say you aren’t sure and may want him to reverse his reversal he hasn’t gotten yet. Don’t ask for a vasectomy until you know you are done with kids 100 percent. Otherwise, you ARE the awful person everyone says you are. Knowingly.

  • DMH

    Personally, I think Eckler should be the one to get “snipped.” The world doesn’t need any more like her running around.

  • Locke

    what an incredibly horrible person you are. my favorite is where you needed sperm so bad you banged him three days after surgery.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1620535967 Elaine Walkden

    I kind of have trouble believing this isn’t a joke. If it isn’t, forget about getting the re-do reversed. I can’t believe you’d consider making him go through a fourth surgery and all the pain that goes with it. Especially considering you two have already created a ridiculous number of siblings and half siblings. Go have Essure done – it’s less invasive than getting your tubes tied. Please do so soon.

  • Lily

    You are the absolute definition of what selfish is. You’re also very lucky to keep getting your way. I assume you’ve lived a very privileged life. Some women walk thru life just praying for that baby, some pray that he’ll be willing to get the vasectomy or reversal. You demand your way and get it. Good for you I guess… This little article was merely written to flaunt your wealth to the world because you already know what a spoiled brat you are.

  • Cocomaan

    The flippant attitude of this author is disturbing.

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  • troyresident

    That’s awesome. Pop out some more kids without being married. And why don’t you go get fixed? Demanding bitch.

  • Alysia

    You are a bloody idiot and fake! You wish you had this control over a human being, looser

  • Doug Shartzer

    Getting the vasectomy is not big deal. I have one, I’ve often thought of having it reversed to try again. But as age creeps up the idea is more and more far fetched. As far as pain, only if you have sex too early (I know) can produce lots of pain and bruising. I can’t speak for the reversal. But if a man loves you he will do what ever makes you happy and healthy. Just be worth it for him.

  • Alex Fyne

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