A week and a half after giving birth, Snooki and her baby Lorenzo Dominic are already on the cover of People, announcing their existence to the world. The pictures were taken when he was six days old. I could totally be wrong, but is this the fastest turn around time ever for birth to tabloid cover? I wonder who will be the first to just let the paparazzi into the delivery room? Maybe that’s the next step for Rosie Pope.
The interview with Snooks and her fiance Jioni LaValle said everything you would expect it to say. There’s a whole lot about love and becoming a new person. The hard-partying ways are gone, but that doesn’t mean they won’t still be up all night with loud noises. Of course, People promises that Snooki will talk about her weight loss plan, because who isn’t thinking about the baby weight six days after giving birth? Isn’t she back in her pre-preggo jeans yet?
Really, the only thing surprising about this cover story is the quickness with which People convinced the new couple to expose their child. Normally there’s at leas a month-long grace period. I think it’s customary to at least get the baby’s first doctor’s appointment under your belt before exposing him to all those flashing lights. (No wonder the tot’s eyes are closed.)
I guess if there was any question as to whether Snooki would become another low-level celebrity shilling her child for profit, we have that answer. We also found out that Lorenzo would be appearing on the next season of Snooki & JWoww, which was recently picked up for another season even though the original Jersey Shore was cancelled. You could also argue that this was never even remotely debatable. Of course Snooki’s child was going to be exploited.
Now that we’ve all seen little Enzo’s first pictures, I guess we can look forward to hearing about his first product endorsement, the first piece of branded merchandise that he inspired his mother to collaborate on and the first time he makes a paid appearance at a Toys R Us store opening. Wow, this little meatball better get used to squinting into that bright light.