Jessica Simpson has officially kicked off her Weight Watchers spokesperson role with a fluffy piece in USA TODAY — and goodness, is she worth every single penny. Katie Couric should be jealous because the interview I envisioned for the new mother has already taken place, complete with “I’m just a regular mom like you” scripted lines, plugs about particular diets, and trainer name dropping.
USA TODAY reports that Maxwell Johnson‘s mother will not share her starting weight, how much weight she ultimately gained, or how much weight she has lost. All she’s willing to confirm is that she weighed in at 170 pounds at five foot four inches during her nude Elle shoot and that she has consistently lost weight each week. Despite her contract, Simpson assures us that she doesn’t have a goal weight with the company because they just want her to be “healthy.” For Weight Watchers, this means Jessica eventually settling somewhere between the 117 and 146 pound range. But let’s be real. She’s a five foot four inch celebrity mother in the public eye — she’ll be tipping closer to that 117 marker than 146.
The rest of the profile reads like a straight Weight Watchers advertisement, with a new mother tossed in for color and artificial relatability. In addition to Simpson dropping her macaroni and cheese cravings and having a bag of M&M’s from time to time (because she doesn’t believe in depriving herself), she fills us in on the wonderful diet plan that she has chosen — down to every Weight Watchers-endorsed detail:
She’s following the PointsPlus program, which assigns points to foods based on the amount of protein, fiber, carbohydrates and fat in them. Fresh fruits and most vegetables are zero points, so members can eat as much of those foods as they want. At first, she was eating about 34 points a day on the program, but after she weaned her daughter off breast-feeding, her points dropped to 28.
She has Weight Watchers meetings in her home with her mom, Tina, and several good friends â€” 14 people in all. By late August, they had collectively lost 160 pounds, she says. “It’s nice to do it together and motivate each other.”
And don’t forget the trainer plug either, Jessica:
Simpson also is working with personal trainer Harley Pasternak about four to five times a week. She’s doing short, simple body-toning workouts.
To top off the entire profile, Jessica delivers a tag line so transparent of Weight Watcher’s multi-million dollar intentions, it’s frankly an insult to mothers looking to shed a few baby weight pounds. They’re not even trying to talk to mothers like they are smart, fairly perceptive customers with this one. In fact, they might as well be shooing them away. To drive that manipulative “I’m a regular mom” sentiment home, Jessica assures readers of how unsupermodel-like her post-baby body is. Relate to me, please. I’m average — just like you:
“I’m not a supermodel. My body is not bouncing back like a supermodel. I’m just your everyday woman who is trying to feel good and be healthy for her daughter, her fiancÃ© and herself.”
“Everyday woman.” The true speech marker of someone hawking a “lifestyle brand.” Can you see the cue card she’s reading from? Because I certainly can.