• Tue, Aug 21 - 11:30 am ET

I’m Leaving My 10-Week-Old To Go On Vacation

vacation without babyMy fiancé runs a charity golf tournament every summer in Mexico. I will be tagging along, not to golf, but to lie around, read, visit the spa, and eat a lot of guacamole. I’m super excited for this trip. To be blunt, it is a vacation for me. And to be blunt, I will be leaving my 10-week old baby behind.

Yes, I’m ditching my baby, which makes me a little anxious. But, mostly, I don’t have a problem leaving my baby behind since I have wonderful backup. My fiancé’s mother is moving into my house for the week and I have a wonderful nanny as well. It’s not that I’m not going to miss him, because I am dearly. But since I can’t read the mind of a two-month-old baby, I’m not sure he’s really going to miss me. All I know is when he wants to eat, needs to burp, needs a diaper change, or a cuddle and that’s only because he cries. Other than that, the baby is quite happy and quiet.

I know many parents, including my brothers and my sister-in-laws, who refused to leave their babies alone, even for a sleepover with my parents who raised four kids, until the kids reach a year old or longer. My best friend, who has four children, didn’t leave her first baby alone for a night until he was 14 months old. By the time she had her fourth, she went out without her youngest three days after his birth, leaving him behind with a nanny. The first time I left my daughter alone for a sleepover with my parents, she was three months old. I thought I’d really enjoy the night off, but how did I spend my night? I spent my night looking at photographs of her, calling my parents every 30 minutes to see if she was all right. But I was a first-time mother then.

I really don’t understand women who can’t or won’t leave their babies behind for a night, if they have trustworthy help. “Take the help,” I want to tell them. Go out and have a nice dinner with your spouse! Anyone who has babies or toddlers knows it’s a total crapshoot how your baby is going to be in a restaurant. We’ve taken our son out twice for meals and they were both miserable experiences. Of course, leaving your baby behind for a couple hours for dinner, or even a night at the grandparents, is a lot different from actually going on a six-day vacation and leaving your baby behind. I’m sure a lot of people will ask (and I’ve asked this myself) if I’m a coldhearted bitch for leaving a two-month-old behind for almost a week. I’m not. My fiancé and I really wanted a baby. We’re not cold-hearted. What we are is super laid back. In fact, I’d go as far to say we’re doing a good deed by leaving him behind with his grandmother, who adores him to the point that she actually calls him “our baby.”

Every time she babysits him, I’ll receive a call or an e-mail the next day telling me that she enjoyed her time “immensely” with our son. I know that my son is not going to remember me leaving him for this trip to Mexico when he’s older. He’s two months old, like I’ve said, and can’t do much. I’ve taken my daughter on trips with me, pretty much all the time. What she’s grown into is a very mature traveler for someone her age or any age. Someone who, if I fall asleep on a plane, actually knows how to order herself a Diet Coke and a meal, and even can hand over my credit card (she’s knows the pin) to order herself some food. Because she also travels a lot with her father, she’s completely comfortable in new places and never gets homesick.

Alhough leaving my baby behind this young is a bit premature compared to how my daughter was raised, I think that it will be good for him. I think that, even from his early age, I’m teaching him a sense of independence. I’m teaching him that he has a lot of people around him who love him and will take care of him. Is me going away and leaving him behind a little selfish at his age? Um, absolutely. I admit that fully. Am I lucky to have such wonderful help? Um, absolutely. Will I miss him? Um, absolutely. But will I enjoy my vacation? Um, absolutely.

(photo: Patryk Kosmider/ Shutterstock)

You can reach this post's author, Rebecca Eckler, on twitter.
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  • http://www.facebook.com/jessica.pittman.18 Jessica Pittman

    Seriously? People are NEGATIVE about this? NEW mothers leave their newborns in all sorts of places. Some leave them at the sitters or daycare. Some leave them with their family to go on vacation, I am really really happy they do this. Why? Because it is NORMAL! Yet people go bananas over this and have the audacity to call them bad mothers. Why? On the other hand we have NEW mothers/parents who leave their NEWBORNS with strangers, on doorsteps, in DUMPSTERS and then society has EMPATHY for them. Those babies are starving, cold, dirty, unloved, and UNCARED for human beings and we give their MOTHERS empathy we actually show them compassion because we feel they thought they had NO OTHER option than to literally throw their babies in the garbage. And here this woman ensures her sons care, knows damn well that she can go to sleep at night because he is in a safe and loving enviroment. And people want to crucify her over this? No offense, GROW UP PEOPLE! She is a GREAT mother as she took the measures to ensure her sons happiness and well being, we have bigger issues in the world than this as well. Again I am sick of the total 180 for some people! We have horrible moms in this world. They are mean, cruel, horrible, unloving women who receive chance after chance because of that ugly word empathy. Then we have good moms who just say HEY I NEED A MOMENT, and yet they are judged for being realistic and blunt. My son is six almost seven I have yet to take a vacation or have even so much as two whole days away from him, the only thing I can say again is GOOD FOR YOU AND DAMN AM I JEALOUS! =]

  • Jessica Pittman

    Seriously? People are NEGATIVE about this? NEW mothers leave their newborns in all sorts of places. Some leave them at the sitters or daycare. Some leave them with their family to go on vacation, I am really really happy they do this. Why? Because it is NORMAL! Yet people go bananas over this and have the audacity to call them bad mothers. Why? On the other hand we have NEW mothers/parents who leave their NEWBORNS with strangers, on doorsteps, in DUMPSTERS and then society has EMPATHY for them. Those babies are starving, cold, dirty, unloved, and UNCARED for human beings and we give their MOTHERS empathy we actually show them compassion because we feel they thought they had NO OTHER option than to literally throw their babies in the garbage. And here this woman ensures her sons care, knows damn well that she can go to sleep at night because he is in a safe and loving enviroment. And people want to crucify her over this? No offense, GROW UP PEOPLE! She is a GREAT mother as she took the measures to ensure her sons happiness and well being, we have bigger issues in the world than this as well. Again I am sick of the total 180 for some people! We have horrible moms in this world. They are mean, cruel, horrible, unloving women who receive chance after chance because of that ugly word empathy. Then we have good moms who just say HEY I NEED A MOMENT, and yet they are judged for being realistic and blunt. My son is six almost seven I have yet to take a vacation or have even so much as two whole days away

  • Jessica Pittman

    from him, the only thing I can say again is GOOD FOR YOU AND DAMN AM I JEALOUS! =]

  • BadMomJudge

    You are a bad mother and shouldn’t have gotten pregnant!

  • Supermom

    One night is a far cry from an entire week.

  • Unbelievable

    This is typical of parents of my generation (I’m 34). Have kids and
    then expect others (usually grandparents) to look after them. Having
    children is a commitment! We have a 5 year old, 3 year old and 2 month
    old. Sure my wife and I would get a babysitter and have a night out
    when our first two were a little bit older. Now that we have a newborn
    we know that, that will not happen as often for this first year.
    However, we are fine with that because we made the decision to have
    another child. We also didn’t rush into havings kids like some people I
    know and made sure we got a lot of our travelling plans (backpacking
    through Europe and Australia along with various other trips) done in our
    20′s with the expectation that once we started having kids around when
    we turned 30 that our time would be comitted to them and travelling
    would be centered around camping trips, Disneyland, and when we do beach
    vacations in Mexico it will be with WITH OUR KIDS no matter how old
    they are! You should enjoy travelling with your kids and not looking to
    pawn them off on a grandparent for a week. The grandmother may say she
    enjoys time spent with her kid and I’m sure she does for the one night
    sleep overs but when you start sticking the grandparents with their
    grandchildren for a week it no longer becomes grandparenting, it becomes
    parenting and will very quickly take the joy out of it for them.
    Parenting should be one of the most selfless things a person can do but
    parents of my generation tend to make it into a competition with other
    parents and when the child becomes “inconvenient” they selfishly dump them off on soemone else. My parents would have never done something like that!

  • Kate

    Leaving your baby for a few hours in the evening does not compare to leaving him/her for a whole week – out of the country no less. The child will ‘miss’ her – her sound, her scent, her very presence. And what if baby gets sick? Who do you think the baby would want most at that point?
    I think there may be another aspect to this scenario – the mommy doesn’t trust ‘fiance’ to be going down to sunny Mexico without her.

  • Jessica Pittman

    I have reread this and also see quite a bit of breastfeeding comments. To those people who feel this way I hope you do understand not all mothers can breastfeed. There are issues that happen and unfortunately it’s not something they experience. As well some mothers do not wish to breastfeed at all. Do they have BONDING issues with their children? Do their children feel distant towards their mothers? I would say NOT ALL, to the others I would believe it’s more underlying than just breastfeeding. Do I have all the answers for parenting, goodness no. I do think that society should stop JUDGING each other and just get on with life. To those who assume that 10 weeks isn’t convenient, but 3-7 years is GUESS AGAIN. My son would be shocked and hurt if I left him for a week at this age, children are for more easily confused and shocked over things in later years than in newborn/infancy. Mind you I am going by my own sons reactions to our lives. Honestly I wouldn’t think to leave my son at this age and havent at any other. I haven’t felt inclined to do so. To those that do, so what!

  • Gracie

    She just did this for the attention. She is a terrible parent not because she went on vacation but she uses her kids to advance her own career. And the for the record, neither Rebecca nor her fiance are wealthy, they are both supported by the father of her first child. That poor man is who we should all feel sorry for!!

  • KH

    I read an article about this blog and here’s what I’m discovering (from the comments sections):
    - it’s everyone else’s business how a mother raises her child(ren);
    - everyone else not only gets an opinion, but invisible qualifications that make it ok for them to judge other people’s choices;
    - feeling bad about leaving your child overnight isn’t enough. You should be concerned that it will scar them for life (even if this is contrary to all evidence);
    - women who don’t spend every minute of every day dedicated to their children are just having children to be “trendy”;
    - parenthood means an instant and complete end to being a smart, interesting, open-minded, employed person.
    Rebecca, please do not feel you need to defend your decision to take time for yourself. In order to show your children what being a whole person means, you need to be that whole person, yourself. Have a wonderful time in Mexico and enjoy that moment when you hold your children again, after a much-deserved vacation.

  • Cmags

    It is all a matter of opinion. Some say they would never, some say they would. Some say its ok to leave a ten week old if you have to work, some say working moms are selfish. My OPINIONS ( based on the article and posts I have read ) are… this baby is loved by his mother and grandmother. The baby will be fine with the grandmother. Mothers who bottle feed by choice can and do love their children just as much as mothers who breastfeed. Judge how you want to be judged, I choose to judge people out of love and respect for their choices. I choose to help people and children truly in need and danger, not crucify Mother’s making CHOICES such going on vacation. Judgments to this mother solve/help nothing/no one. Volunteering at a shelter will, foster parenting will, donating money to a cause will, helping out a single parent will, supporting those around you will, complaining about other’s CHOICES will not. Saying this baby will be scarred is an opinion not a scientific fact. Babies who are neglected and abused are scarred, mothers who drink and do drugs harming their babies are scarred, those are facts. Could you imagine if everyone who has actually commented on this was to help someone in need?

  • http://twitter.com/MrsLoulou Loukia

    I personally would not leave my baby behind for a solo vacation, but that’s just me. I also still sleep with my four year. Again, that’s (I’m almost positive) JUST ME. Now that my boys are 7 and 4, I leave them more easily, (have gone to Miami and NYC and TO without them this year, three nights, two nights away, etc., and San Diego last year, etc. etc.) but three nights away is my max. Right now. It’s what I am comfortable with. I blogged about this, and the story, but have no disrespect for YOU. We as mothers all do things differently, and that’s okay. Others think the way I do things is crazy, but hey, whatever works, right?

  • http://twitter.com/MsWendyKH Wendy Kraus-Heitmann

    Weird. I’m on my fourth kid and I find this article appalling. There will be time for vacations and guacamole when my child has weaned and is old enough to understand “Mommy always comes back.” Oh wow I just noticed the author I’ve been hating on this cow since I was in uni ten years ago wishing we had women to laugh with and not at as role models for young female journalists.

  • Linn

    I just think it’s odd that you’d want to leave your baby at that age if you have a choice, whatever fun you get to have in exchange. I’m sure the baby will be fine. I would have been freaked out and devastated by a solid week without my infant, which is probably what nature intended. Am I a better mom because I felt that way? Yes, probably.

  • Just saying…

    It’s so hilarious that people keep justifying this and saying “are
    parents not allowed to take vacations”. They are, but when you choose to
    have a child, you have a duty to take care of that child. Just like you
    wouldn’t go on vacation if you were leading a really important project
    at work. However, if you have help, and are comfortable to be away from
    your child, then that’s a choice that you make. I just don’t
    particularly like the tone of this article.. it is screaming “Ya I’m
    going on vacation and leaving my 10-week-old.. so what??” I also don’t
    appreciate her saying that this will teach her son independence… a
    10-week old doesn’t need independence, he needs to know that he is
    protected, secure, and can DEPEND on his parents. Teaching kids to be
    independent is giving them confidence to do things on their own, giving
    them freedom to express their thoughts, etc.. not to leave them and go away for a week. If you want to go on vacation and leave your 10-week old, don’t justify it as being good for the child.. lol

  • Pingback: Her View: Vacations Away From the Kids ‹ Her View From Home

  • mother of 3

    The baby may be fine with grandma but the blogger is a piece of work. Being absent for work, perhaps, for an unavoidable commitment (funeral, sick child, etc.) sure, but to have a great pamper and a romp with the fiancee….um…yeah…you go do that. And the Fiancee that allows this is no better!

    Just put parenthood on the shelf when it is inconvenient because you sure deserve a break…and you sure come first. You chose to have the child…but you want to let someone else to be the responsible one. Grow up.

  • mother of 3

    If she was truly wealthy and privileged the nanny would be going with her. She is at best a poser.

  • pw

    Wealth can buy a person out of being a parent, being mature, and being responsible. Money can also buy you selfishness and a confused child who doesn’t know their parents. What price are you willing to pay???

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  • A. Diva Worth

    i’m quite late to this story but i had to stop by and leave a comment in support of eckler. as she has learned by now, mothers are the worst group of opinionated, judgmental, and just all around closed minded people out there. each mother has her own idea about what is right and if another mother deviates, then it’s war. and when there is a computer screen to hide behind, then it’s a vicious war because the mother who is so loving to her child(ren) becomes a hate spewing banshee who behaves online in direct contravention to what she is probably teaching her children. bottom line is that there is no one right way to parent and most of us do the best we can with what we have. i personally would not leave my ten-week-old home with the nanny and grandmother, but i genuinely see nothing wrong with eckler having chosen to do this. this is HER child. she’s the one who conceived the child, she’s the one who provides for and cares for the child, she’s the one who gets to make decisions for the child. there was no abuse or harm to the child in this case. in fact, eckler arranged loving and safe child care for her little one. i say to the vehement angry mob out there, he without sin cast the first stone. if you can’t cast it, then put the stone down and tend to your own damn family and leave eckler’s alone.

  • Niknak

    All I’m reading in the comments is jealousy, jealousy . . . j.e.a.l.o.u.s.y!! I have a 7 month old baby! He is the love of my life and the sunshine in every day!! However, I never had a chance to fully recover from childbirth. I think it is so important to take time for yourself and to relax and unwind. 10 weeks is the perfect time to take a break – baby is home and settled, pretty much out of the danger zone! The truth is she will probably come back from vacation feeling refreshed and renewed while the rest of us are so tired we hardly have the energy to play with our children! I know I am!

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  • C

    No doubt you love your children. But seriously at 10 weeks old do you really think you are teaching him a sense of independence. On another note, its great you can take vacation but in reality you have a nanny. I am sure you have it pretty easy then most mother’s who don’t have the luxury of having a nanny. I found your article a waste of my time. What was the point you are trying to get it???

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  • http://www.facebook.com/adurayobami Ayobami Adura

    i also have a baby and i leave him every time i go on vacation

  • http://www.facebook.com/adurayobami Ayobami Adura

    i spent my night looking at photographs of him, and calling my parents
    every 30 minutes to see if he is all right. because I am a first-time
    Father.

  • http://www.facebook.com/adurayobami Ayobami Adura

    should i get a nanny and let my 13months baby lives with me .. i just don’t know what to do .. his mom left him behind since he was 4 months old.

  • http://www.facebook.com/adurayobami Ayobami Adura

    I never said they were the same thing. And I still believe it’s the
    parent’s choice if they want to leave their child with someone else for
    any amount of time. Be it a day at work, a couple nights or a week long
    vacation. Life shouldn’t have to stop for an adult just because they
    had a child. It’s about being healthy in body and mind.

  • Really?

    I stopped reading at the point were you say something along the lines of ‘taking your baby to dinner is a total crapshoot(?)’ and that both times you done it, it was a miserable experience. To come out and say this stuff about you can’t understand why people don’t leave their NEWBORNS is just… Wow. You should respect the choices of other parents, not write something that tries to make them look like silly little worriers. I have a 6 month old, if I leave her with a family member than its never for more than an hour. My baby is confident an doesn’t act up because they know their needs are always met by me; and, get this, I take her to restaurants, and it’s now a nightmare! Wow! I know! …….. :-|

  • Really?

    How ignorant.

  • hotmama

    Badddddd parenringgggg alll theb wayyy … im sorry but a 10 week old baby needs you the most … who cares about vacations you could go w hen he gets a little bigger .. this are the kind of situations you should’ve though about before having ababy

  • http://www.facebook.com/shandi.bigger Shandel M Bigger

    Your a horrible selfish pos excuse for a mom. My baby is 8 months and I would never ditch her. Your baby is a new born! How dare you! Try adoption if you can’t accept the responsibilities of being a parent.

  • http://www.facebook.com/shandi.bigger Shandel M Bigger

    Amen I could not have said it better. I have tears in my eyes. I can’t believe someone could ditch their baby for even a day.

  • http://www.facebook.com/shandi.bigger Shandel M Bigger

    I really want to punch whoever compared a baby to a dog.

  • http://www.facebook.com/shandi.bigger Shandel M Bigger

    True that

  • H

    So, you finally admit you are selfish and that if you balance your own pleasure against your baby’s bond to you, you will choose yourself! um…that’s cruel for a baby! He doesn’t need you just to change his diaper, burp and cuddle him… You are more important for him than just these biological needs! You are very special to him and he has a strong bond to you. It doesn’t mean that if he can’t express what he feels, he doesn’t feel anything!
    You speak of teaching him independence!!! Are you kidding me? At the age of 2 months? How about teaching yourself some more love and self-sacrifice??? Sounds outfashioned? Maybe, but it is true and it has been verified through the centuries!!!

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