I’m A Failure As A Soccer Mom

little league soccer“Why are there so many soccer games?” I moaned to my fiancé. I moan this about every two weeks, because every two weeks his answer is, “It’s almost over.” But let me tell you this: If you have two bonus children and a fiancé who all play soccer, soccer is never over. Ever. My fiancé is gone at least three nights a week for his daughter’s soccer game nights. And on the nights they don’t play an actual game, they still have soccer practice. After he announced he, too, was joining a soccer team (ages 35 and up), I told him, “Okay, I’ll see you never!”

I’m pissed at soccer. Here in Canada, where our national sport is supposed to be hockey, I’ve read statistics that the number of parents signing their children up for soccer is overtaking the number of kids now playing hockey. So what’s it like to be a soccer widow? Frankly, it sucks.

It can also be hilarious. Last season, my fiancé’s daughter’s team lost all 24 games. So my fiancé took over the role of coach. In my house, I hear the word “soccer” every single fucking day at least eight times. In fact, I hear the word “soccer” more than I hear the words “I love you.” Do I sound bitter? Well, I am. That’s because last year I actually attended my fiancé’s soccer daughter’s soccer game because I wanted to know what it was all about. Plus, I wanted to show my support. What I didn’t know is that I’d get into a fight.

Because my fiancé told me I could sit with the players, that’s where I sat. Most of the kids were actually taller than me, so I thought I fit in pretty well. That is until the team’s female manager told me I couldn’t sit there because, well, she didn’t say why. She just said that I couldn’t. “You can go sit with the other parents across the field,” she said in a not-so-friendly tone. My fiancé was on the field warming up the kids so I had no back-up. Glares and words were exchanged. But I have backbone. So I finally just sat there, pretending I didn’t hear her telling me, repeatedly, that I couldn’t sit there.

Across the field, where the other parents were watching, it was pouring rain and they were all squished together under an umbrella. I didn’t have an umbrella, plus I knew no one. So I decided my residency for this game is under the teams’ umbrella on a plastic chair. This woman, however, would not get off my ass. In fact, next thing I knew the referee of the game came up to me – yes, I’m sure the team manager had told on me – and said I could only be under the team tent if I had a game card.

What I wanted to say was, “Are you drunk?” Not to make a joke, but from the smell of his breath and his ridiculous referee outfit over his beer gut I kind of put two and two together and all I could think was that he was drunk! And that’s exactly how I wanted to be, too. It’s no fun sitting out in the middle of nowhere in the pouring rain. (Did I also mention I had to drive more than an hour to get to this soccer game? Apparently, as I’ve learned, the teams travel to small towns everywhere to play each other.)

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You can reach this post's author, Rebecca Eckler, on twitter.
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  • Michelle

    I’ve played soccer all my life and still play a few tournaments a year with the girls I’ve been with since I was 13. It’s a lifestyle that’s for sure.
    Parents were never allowed to sit on the teams side. You are not special, you get to sit with the parents. If it’s raining that bad go sit in the car. I don’t think I’d talk to you either if your daughters were on my kids team…you come off as a mean girl.

  • Allison

    All this woman does is complain

    • NotThumper

      Yup! I’m not sure why Mommyish thinks we want to read about her bitching all the time. Candor is one thing but she never has anything nice to say.

    • Another Steph

      It’s because we’re all silly enough to flood her articles with comments. To quote The Simpsons, if we ignore her she’ll go away… but then what we will do for entertainment?

    • NotThumper

      When you’re right, you’re right

  • L

    im sure someone is gonna call you a bad mother in a hot second, but i appreciate your candor!

  • Guest

    Well said Michelle. The writer comes off a thoroughly precious about herself, the kind of woman who thinks herself above following the rules, who behaves aggressively and unpleasantly and thinks she’s somehow amusing for it, whines about no one speaking to her when she’s refused to be on the same side of the pitch and then wonders why she doesn’t know anyone there. As for moaning that her partner actually bothers about his daughters interest… honestly, get over yourself.

  • Justme

    First of all – I am the wife of a school basketball coach who also runs select teams and tournaments. The only preferential treatment I receive is free admission to the tournament. I sit in the stands with the rest of the parents and cheer on the team just like everyone else. If any parent, wife or other spectator acted like a diva like you, my husband would ask them kindly to leave and not return to the premises. Secondly – I’ll admit that basketball gets old, boring and tiresome. There are certainly weekends where I’d like to spend time together as a family at the park instead of in a gym. BUT there’s this thing in marriages and families called compromise and selflessness. My husband loves coaching – it is his passion. And most likely my daughter will love the game as well and will play on the teams that he coaches. I love both my husband and my daughter and I want to support them in the paths that they choose. So if that means some Saturday mornings are spent in a muggy gym watching my husband do what he loves……that’s fine by me.

    In short, try thinking outside of yourself and recognize the fact that the man you love loves to play and be involved in soccer. I wouldn’t say that you’re failing as a soccer mom, you’re failing as a stepmother and wife because you’re not being supportive of something that is obviously important to your fiance and his children.

  • NotaDiva

    Ever since she announced she was getting married, I’ve been wondering how long we need to countdown to the divorce posts. With her level of dramatics and princess-entitlement, I’ll be surprised if her fiancee sticks it out until the wedding.

    • Molly

      Lol… so true.

    • Andrea

      I just can’t believe she’s getting married at all, considering she did nothing but bash marriage and married people for months (“so 2006″). Turns out she jumped on the old fashioned wagon mighty quick when she finally got someone to propose to her.

  • ;)

    You pretty much fail all around.

    • Melinda

      Lol! Perfectly said.

  • Mrs. Lynn

    Sleeping with the coach? Classy! Not engaged to, not about to marry, not in a relationship. Sleeping with. Nice. Way to downplay your relationship.

    • Andrea

      That pretty much embodies her attitude.

    • Mrs. Lynn

      Oh, I know. I read her shit.

    • Andrea

      I’m so sorry. I just jump to the comments. Way more entertaining than her drek,

    • Mrs. Lynn

      LOL…it sucks me in like a car crash! What can I say?

    • NotThumper

      I do the same thing! But after reading Mrs. Lynn’s comment I HAD to see what it was all about. ;)

  • Katie

    Next time I’m trudging through my husband’s workplace and I’m slightly uncomfortable, I’m going to have a little ‘moment’ and wail in my most precious voice, “BUT I’M SLEEPING WITH THE FARMHAND, DON’T I GET ANY SPECIAL TREATMENT?” just to experience the life of Ms Eckler for a moment.

  • LiteBrite

    Here’s one thing I’ve learned since being married (and being a mom): Sometimes you gotta suck it up and just go.

    It’s not that I don’t get where you’re coming from. Years ago my husband
    played on a softball league. Not only was the park a good 45-minute
    drive from our house, but his team sucked. If they at least played well I could’ve dealt with it, but it was painful to watch these 35+ years olds struggle against guys 10-15 years younger than them. (The fact that they would’ve been better off playing in a league with guys closer to their age apparently occurred to no one but me.) After the slaughter I’d have to sit in baseball park
    bar, chugging down Miller Lite (because that’s all the bar had), and
    listen to the guys talk about sports (my favorite topic!) while I scratched the 50 million mosquito bites I acquired while watching
    his team get their collective asses kicked.

    No I didn’t
    enjoy it, and yes I did a little happy dance when he finally announced his “retirement”; however, I made an effort to go to at least a few of the games, sitting in the hot sun and getting
    eaten by mosquitoes, because it was important to my husband. I’m sure one day I’ll have to do the same for my child.

    (By the way, I expect no less from him either. There have been many times he’s had to suck it up and do something he does not like simply because it’s important for me to have him there.)

    Oh, and I never got preferential treatment EVER even though I was clearly sleeping with one of the players.The bar did finally break down and get something other than Miller Lite though.

    • LiteBrite

      Yikes. Not sure why my post got all screwed up paragraph-wise. Sorry it’s so hard to read.

    • NotThumper

      it isn’t too hard to read. :) I think we’re all getting used to the way the new comments work.

  • Aussie Chick

    hahahahaha come to Australia, get them to play Aussie Rules football… Our clubrooms have bars, this is where most of the women ” sleeping with the coach/players” spend their time,

  • Sara

    So when I was reading this article, I kept thinking, “I wonder if this is the same woman who was bitching about her daughter having a friend whose parents have high expectations and demand excellence, therefore making her own daughter wonder about her own parents’ celebrating mediocrity instead?” So I scrolled down to the bottom, and sure enough–it’s the same person! Why am I not surprised that this one is full of equally ridiculous and selfish complaints?

  • Bianca

    Congratulations. You sound like the biggest douche ever.

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  • Kelly

    No you’re a failure as a mom in general.

  • Hillarious

    Its not that you fail as a soccer mom. the correct term is you just fail.I read a few articles just to see if there was any commen sense, curtesy, or actual parenting. What I found was a woman not a mother who is more of a freak show at a carnival… not even a circuss. I dont even see the reason why you wanted kids. other than a fad that you use when it suits you and garbage when it doesnt. I hope your kids are as smart as they say they are because they will need all the help they can get to survive your parenting. Maybe they should have an episode with Bear Grylls hes got nothing on your kids.