STFU Parents: 5 Fourth Of July Tips For Parents On Facebook

This Fourth of July, I hope everyone spends some quality time with friends and family. Whether you’re grilling in the backyard or hanging out at the lake, the Fourth is a great opportunity for communities to come together to help celebrate America’s Independence. That said, I’ve put together a few ground rules regarding what not to say on Facebook in relation to the holiday. Every year, like clockwork, parents post the same updates on social media around the Fourth of July, so this year I figured why not round up those predictable posts and explain why you should avoid them. Even if it’s hot out and you have a baby trying to sleep through loud fireworks, you’re better off keeping certain gripes offline.

Here are some examples of things you might want to keep to yourself this holiday:

1. Don’t Bring Your Kids Out If They’re Sick

Do us all a favor and don’t bring your kids and their puke bowls to the fireworks celebration, unless that celebration involves sitting on your own driveway. It’s one thing to be a “brave” mom who takes her kid to see the fireworks after he suffers a mild reaction to a bee sting, but taking puking children out in public is pretty uncool, not to mention un-neighborly, because you’re running the risk of getting other people sick and/or forcing them to watch your kid barf. If you’re already out and then your kids complain of feeling sick, okay, but if you’re home with “sick kiddies” and still decide to take them out with puke bowls in tow, you’re kind of a jerk. Announcing it on Facebook doesn’t make you any less jerky.

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  • Michelle

    I don’t get why telling her they only happen on the 4th of July wasn’t enough for little Allie. A smart child would have understood that response…

    • Elga

      I wish I could upvote this remark 1,000 times!

    • NotCinderell

      This year, we went all-out for Purim. We dressed up as characters for Peter Pan, and Shoshana, my 3-year-old was Wendy. She wore a Victorian-style white nightgown decorated with flower garland. We won second prize in the JCC community costume parade.

      Shoshana often wears her nightgown that I bought as a costume, but as a nightgown now. She has suggested several times that we go to a costume parade, as though these things happen every week and not just once or twice a year. I have told her that there isn’t one to go to, that that’s only for Purim, and maybe Halloween.

      She gets over it.

    • irritated

      what does that have to do with anything????Way to mommyjack the story about yourself. lol

    • aliceblue

      Agree. Fireworks are to celebrate the 4th of July and it only comes once a year – just like her birthday and assorted holidays. If that “doesn’t hold water” with Princess Sneauflakk don’t advertise her stupidity.

    • jennifer

      if allie “won’t take ‘no’ for an answer” buy her a book. read it to her or have her read it. if she still won’t listen too bad. that’s just the way it is. you don’t have to “come up with something”…..

      it’s not that difficult people

  • LiteBrite

    If you have bring puke bowls with you, STAY HOME. Seriously people. This should go without saying no matter what day of the year it is.

    As for fireworks, the 4th of July = fireworks. With all the doors and windows closed, they’ve never really bothered us, our kid, or our four pets. Then again, I LOVE fireworks, so I’m biased towards them.

    • Ladycrim

      Agreed! If your kids are too sick to go out without needing a puke bowl, they’re not going to enjoy the fireworks anyway – and anyone near you will be severely grossed out. Put the kids on the couch, make them some broth (if they can handle it) and watch one of the myriad fireworks displays on TV.

    • Laura

      Seriously. And if they’re that sick, they’re probably not going to want to be around loud noises, be out in the heat, and have to be staring up at the sky. Poor kids, I think I would say something to the first aid tent if I saw these kids out.

    • NotCinderell

      Exactly. The only places puking kids are allowed to go are the doctor and maybe the pharmacy.

    • NotCinderell

      Exactly. The only places puking kids are allowed to go are the doctor and maybe the pharmacy.

  • Rachael

    I have a huge phobia of fireworks, always have, always will. If it’s after dark on Canada Day, I’m probably hiding under the covers. But from the very beginning, my parents have always known it was THEIR responsibility (and then mine) to deal with it – not the entire city’s. People suck.


    Our cats & I are not a fan of the very close neighbors setting off fireworks at midnite on July 4th either & I don’t have any babies to worry about, but it’s one night (maybe 2) a year. It’s not like it’s an unexpected thing to happen on July 4th.

    I get over it & so do the cats.

    Also, I’m pretty sure those parents that complain about the locals setting off fireworks were doing the same thing in their youth once upon time.

  • Daisy

    Done by 10??? Haha up here in Canada, it doesn’t even start getting dark till at least 10 this time of year, and it’s definitely not dark enough for fireworks until 11. If people are complaining that 9:30 is interrupting little Snoflayk’s betime, I can only imagine the hissy fit they’d throw here!

    • Brittani

      Yep, Canada Day no one up here was fire-workinging til at least 10:30 ’round my parts. I was in bed as I had work early in the morning, but you know what? ONE DAY A YEAR, BITCHES. DEAL WITH IT.

  • KatieMB

    Puke bowls? Seriously? C’mon that is JUST not right. Your sick kids should not be out if they’re puking. PERIOD. END OF STORY.

    • NotCinderell

      Absolutely. It’s awful for the people who might catch what the kids have, and it’s awful for the kids who probably aren’t up to going out yet.

      When you have kids, it’s with the understanding that sometimes you have to cancel plans at the last minute. Even plans to do really fun stuff that you might not have an opportunity to do again for a while.

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  • Kimberly

    Sorry I agree with the people that want private fireworks banned. My rule would be if your fire works are going to drop on someone else’s property you shouldn’t be allowed to set them off – and if you do all the adults will be jailed and all the kids in emergency care. I would love if my neighbors stopped at midnight. A couple of years ago it was 1 am and I’m putting out fires on my lawn due to drought conditions.

    This is what they left by my driveway

    on the sidewalk in front of my house.

    • ReadyBadge

      Yeah, I was the jackass who called the cops on New Years this year. Neighbours were out in the middle of the street setting them off SIDEWAYS down the street and they kept hitting or exploding under my parked car. I was furious. Never mind that it had only been a week before that we’d had a wild fire that caused a good chunk of the city to be evacuated.

      Private fire works are in fact illegal where I live.

    • LiteBrite

      I’m not opposed to a private fireworks ban either; however, in my experience it doesn’t stop many people.

      We currently have a burn ban in our area due to excessive heat and no rain for over a month, and it has been STRICTLY enforced. So, no private fireworks going on by us this year.

    • lawcat

      Banning private fireworks doesn’t stop them.

      Our state will sell them, but it’s illegal to set them off in the state. That doesn’t stop people from shooting them off, and unless you light something on fire, it is not enforced. We’ve been in a drought for a month or so and people were still setting them off last night.

      I don’t care if they are waking sleeping children or pets, I do care if they light my house on fire.

    • Kris

      Building up the street in W. Philly had to be evacuated b/c of a fireworks related fire. I, also, am not opposed to a ban on them.

    • Leigha7

      Yeah, I agree with the people who said banning them doesn’t make any difference. I grew up in a state with strict fireworks laws, near the border of a state that didn’t. Everyone just went to the next state to buy them.

  • RubyTea

    Announcement: It might rain tonight, so the fireworks might be cancelled. They will make the final call at 8:00, and we will post it right away!

    Thanks! Hope they’re cancelled, because babies like to sleep! When will we know?

    The final call will be made at 8:00.

    Hi, anyone know if the fireworks will still be on for tonight? I need to know how many puke bowls to pack.

    We will know at 8:00. And post it then.

    Any word on the fireworks yet?

    Final word will be at 8:00. We’ll let everyone know as soon as we know.

    Good to see some news coverage of the fireworks! Do we know if they’re going to happen tonight?


    Anybody know when we’ll find out about the fireworks?


    • denny

      Hahaha, I was thinking the same exact thing!

    • Jennifer

      “Empire Records – open till midnight”




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  • Missy

    I live in S. Ontario and in all the cities I’ve been in, the fireworks have started at 10pm. I guess I’m lucky because none of my friends with kids on facebook have complained about noise from fireworks, and to me, it’s one of the most ridiculous complaints ever.

    It’s once a year and moaning about it won’t change your country from celebrating it’s birthday. This is definitely one of those “if you can’t beat them, join them,” kind of situations. Wish people had more sense.

  • denny

    Is it really a rite of passage for kids to play with fireworks on the fourth of July? My siblings, friends and I were sure as hell NOT allowed to go anywhere NEAR fireworks, EVER, nor did my parents ever set them off (or any other adult that I celebrated the 4th with growing up). They were just considered too dangerous — and this is in the early 80s in NYC, not exactly the most sanitary/safe place to raise a kid. And it’s still my understanding, now that I’m an adult, that kids+fireworks=a pretty good chance there will be an ER visit somewhere in the near future. Unless there’s been some technological development and there is now a firework that cannot blow someone’s arm off?

    My neighbors were setting off fireworks until THREE O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING last night. I’m sure it was mostly kids, and aside from being kept up all night because of the noise, I was terrified that there was going to be some accident.

    • LiteBrite

      No, it isn’t a “rite of passage”, and no one here is saying it should be. However, it isn’t a stretch to say that on the Fourth of July there will be fireworks, whether they are set off in the community park or someone’s backyard.

      I agree setting off private fireworks at 3 a.m. is unreasonable, and if it was that bothersome I’m sure you called the police. However, complaining about your local community’s annual fireworks display in the park at 9 p.m. IS unreasonable.

    • denny

      @LiteBrite: This is what made me ask if playing with fireworks is a rite of passage:

      “But in the days leading up to the Big Day, there will be fireworks, and they will be shot off by kids in the neighborhood who were once babies themselves. Don’t deprive them of their chance to be young and reckless. Your kid will get his chance one day, too.”

      Of course, it’s ridiculous to complain about fireworks at 9pm on July 4. However, I certainly hope that my kid will NOT “get his chance one day.”

    • Melissa Limasse


      I think “kids” here encompasses everyone from late teens to ‘kids’ in their twenties.

    • denny

      That makes sense, Melissa. I guess since this is a parenting blog, I read “kids” and automatically thought of children, not young adults, and I was legitimately wondering if that was a thing now! Although, I still don’t think teens should be playing with fireworks any more than they should be playing with guns (but maybe this is ignorant of me, since I’ve never set one off).

  • Brandi

    My town, and surrounding towns, fireworks don’t start until a little past 10pm because that is when it’s actually dark enough to bother setting them off.
    Either way, one night isn’t going to kill anyone. As a kid I was terrified of fireworks and they still went on. I survived.

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