I’m Having A Baby, Not Hosting A Party – Stay Out Of My Hospital Room!

havingababyIt almost feels like I’m hosting a party that I didn’t really invite anyone to, nor did I really want to have. I actually know that I’ll be the worst host in the history of hosts and though I didn’t invite anyone, they are all coming anyway. I’m talking about the day I give birth.

Because I’m having a c-section, I know the exact date I’ll be having my baby, which brings on a lot of benefits. I know exactly when I need to have the baby’s room done by, I know exactly when I have to have all his supplies bought, I know exactly the days I will be taking off work. The double edge sword is that because I know when I will be having this baby, everyone else knows as well. And everyone wants to come to this party taking place, well, in my hospital room.

Truthfully, I’m really hoping there’s a limit on how many people can visit at a time. I’ll have to check on that. So far, my daughter, my fiancé’s two daughters, my parents, my fiancé’s mom and her fiancé, his dad and his wife, are all planning to be there for the birth or immediately after the birth of this baby. That’s nine people. And then there will be my fiancé’s sister and maybe her three children, and my two brothers and their wives and children. Which brings the grand total of this “party” to 20 people.

Of course, I want everyone to see the baby (especially my daughter and my fiancé ’s daughters), but I don’t really want visitors – if that makes sense. I know it will be All About The Baby, but still, the thought of having to be on my best behavior, after having a c-section, dressed in a hospital gown, with a catheter attached to me, with a nurse asking me if I’ve “passed gas yet” isn’t exactly my idea of fun. But how can you say ‘no’ to people who want to visit, especially family members?

The other night, at a family dinner, my sister-in-law actually had the foresight to say to me, “You tell us if you want us to come to the hospital or wait until you get home.” I was just about to say, “It may be better to wait until I get home,” but then my mother jumped in and said how “nice” it would be for my nephews to see a newborn in a hospital and be there for the experience. I couldn’t say anything, because I just knew it would start a fight and it wasn’t worth it.

So for the past few days, I’ve been breathing in and out, like my yoga teachers taught me, and have been preparing myself. Not preparing myself for the birth, but preparing myself for visitors after the birth. And it’s not just my family. It’s my good friends, too. My best girlfriends are like sisters, which is also a double edged sword. I can be open with them and say, “I don’t want visitors,” to which they’ll respond, “I get it. But don’t kill me. I’m going to drop by anyway.” Sigh.

Now, if I was having a natural birth and didn’t know the day, I would go into labor and get to the hospital. I know myself. I know that I probably wouldn’t tell anyone until after I gave birth, and then I would give my fiancé the go-ahead to call our parents. I know, it’s kind of awful. But like I said, I’m having a baby, not hosting a party. And let’s all be honest: Babies when they first come out don’t really do much but cry and sleep and pee and eat. In fact, even a week after the birth, when I will be up for visitors, that’s all the baby will be doing to. So why don’t people want to wait, especially if they know that my new immediate family is so large, and I’ll just be finished having an OPERATION?

Granted, it’s so nice to have so many people care for me (or, really, not me, but the baby). But at the same time, I feel like I have no choice in who can come visit me or how many people I’ll be able to deal with. (I’m already practicing my fake sleep routine.) The other problem is once they are there, it will be hard to, well, for lack of better words, kick them the hell out (family or not. I love them, but still!). I’m really not good at saying things like, “Okay, I need to sleep. Adios! See ya later!”

I’m going to have to have a signal with my fiancé. Something like, “If you see me scratching my nose, that means get everyone the heck out!” Then again, I should be grateful that they only want to visit me in the hospital room and not be in the delivery room with me. For me, having a baby is definitely a celebration. But, again, I don’t want to be the host of this party.

(Photo: disfera/Shutterstock)

You can reach this post's author, Rebecca Eckler, on twitter.
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    • guest

      This confuses me. Why wouldn’t a person set boundaries with people who they love, who love them? If they’re clueless, clue them in. During my first pregnancy, my daughter was very sick and I had no interest in socializing or reassuring anyone when I myself had no idea if she was going to be ok. Thankfully, no one knew she was born and I was able to keep my privacy for a couple weeks. Due to that experience, just in case somewthing were to go wrong again, I fiercely guarded my privacy with my last pregnancy and chose not to announce my daughter’s delivery date to the masses, keeping it on a strictly need to know basis. No one showed up until I invited them. Those quiet days were a wonderful bonding time for my baby, my spouse and I, and I had time to get some much needed rest without a constant parade of visitors. If people hadn’t respected that space and that need for me and my family, I would have told them to get the hell out.

    • No party here!

      Totally relate, husband and I have chosen not to tell anyone until after the birth. Probably more like after we get home. Yeah some will understand, some wont. We’re all adults here and if they can’t understand where we’re coming from, then thats their problem!

      • No party here!

        Plus those first 24 hours are so important for bonding, establishing breast feeding, adjusting, etc… Not understanding that is just ridiculous and disrespectful in my opinion..

    • AshleyBurt

      Well they are family. You have it really nice. I work at a hospital and literally 10 minutes after popping my son out I had 5 coworkers right there in the delivery room! My boss even came in and several more coworkers the next day. By the time the 10th non family visitor came needless to say I was ready to get this show on the road in a literal sense and go home to get startex on my 6 weeks of maternity leave. Nonetheless though I was caught a little off guard, in the end it was heartwarming to know everyone took a few minutes out of their day to come visit.

      Itll be ok, c sections are not as exhausting as having full blown labor. You should be fine and not so tired when you get these visitors. They know thT you have a lot going on and probably wont even stay long. You will be fine, I dont think you should stress over it as much as you are, its no big deal.