havingababyIt almost feels like I’m hosting a party that I didn’t really invite anyone to, nor did I really want to have. I actually know that I’ll be the worst host in the history of hosts and though I didn’t invite anyone, they are all coming anyway. I’m talking about the day I give birth.

Because I’m having a c-section, I know the exact date I’ll be having my baby, which brings on a lot of benefits. I know exactly when I need to have the baby’s room done by, I know exactly when I have to have all his supplies bought, I know exactly the days I will be taking off work. The double edge sword is that because I know when I will be having this baby, everyone else knows as well. And everyone wants to come to this party taking place, well, in my hospital room.

Truthfully, I’m really hoping there’s a limit on how many people can visit at a time. I’ll have to check on that. So far, my daughter, my fiancé’s two daughters, my parents, my fiancé’s mom and her fiancé, his dad and his wife, are all planning to be there for the birth or immediately after the birth of this baby. That’s nine people. And then there will be my fiancé’s sister and maybe her three children, and my two brothers and their wives and children. Which brings the grand total of this “party” to 20 people.

Of course, I want everyone to see the baby (especially my daughter and my fiancé ’s daughters), but I don’t really want visitors – if that makes sense. I know it will be All About The Baby, but still, the thought of having to be on my best behavior, after having a c-section, dressed in a hospital gown, with a catheter attached to me, with a nurse asking me if I’ve “passed gas yet” isn’t exactly my idea of fun. But how can you say ‘no’ to people who want to visit, especially family members?

The other night, at a family dinner, my sister-in-law actually had the foresight to say to me, “You tell us if you want us to come to the hospital or wait until you get home.” I was just about to say, “It may be better to wait until I get home,” but then my mother jumped in and said how “nice” it would be for my nephews to see a newborn in a hospital and be there for the experience. I couldn’t say anything, because I just knew it would start a fight and it wasn’t worth it.

So for the past few days, I’ve been breathing in and out, like my yoga teachers taught me, and have been preparing myself. Not preparing myself for the birth, but preparing myself for visitors after the birth. And it’s not just my family. It’s my good friends, too. My best girlfriends are like sisters, which is also a double edged sword. I can be open with them and say, “I don’t want visitors,” to which they’ll respond, “I get it. But don’t kill me. I’m going to drop by anyway.” Sigh.

Now, if I was having a natural birth and didn’t know the day, I would go into labor and get to the hospital. I know myself. I know that I probably wouldn’t tell anyone until after I gave birth, and then I would give my fiancé the go-ahead to call our parents. I know, it’s kind of awful. But like I said, I’m having a baby, not hosting a party. And let’s all be honest: Babies when they first come out don’t really do much but cry and sleep and pee and eat. In fact, even a week after the birth, when I will be up for visitors, that’s all the baby will be doing to. So why don’t people want to wait, especially if they know that my new immediate family is so large, and I’ll just be finished having an OPERATION?

Granted, it’s so nice to have so many people care for me (or, really, not me, but the baby). But at the same time, I feel like I have no choice in who can come visit me or how many people I’ll be able to deal with. (I’m already practicing my fake sleep routine.) The other problem is once they are there, it will be hard to, well, for lack of better words, kick them the hell out (family or not. I love them, but still!). I’m really not good at saying things like, “Okay, I need to sleep. Adios! See ya later!”

I’m going to have to have a signal with my fiancé. Something like, “If you see me scratching my nose, that means get everyone the heck out!” Then again, I should be grateful that they only want to visit me in the hospital room and not be in the delivery room with me. For me, having a baby is definitely a celebration. But, again, I don’t want to be the host of this party.

(Photo: disfera/Shutterstock)