I don’t think there’s a person at this website who wouldn’t agree that motherhood is a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. The responsibilities, the worries, the infamous mom guilt… It can all be a little overwhelming for even the most confident woman. But are modern women withering under the harsh demands of “perfect parenting” and the modern drive to balance work and family? Are we losing that all-important “mother’s instinct” that serves as a guiding force for our parenting techniques and approaches? There are certain clues that point to yes.
The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children in the United Kingdom recently released a rather disturbing study. As the Daily Mail reports:
Two in five new mothers have struggled to cope with the demands of parenting during the first few weeks after birth, with a similar amount admitting getting ‘angry’ with their baby, according to a poll.
A further one in five were frequently very upset at their child’s crying during the first eight weeks, a survey by the NSPCC has found.
Almost three-quarters (72 per cent) of new mothers wanted more professional advice before their baby was born, on subjects such as such as how to deal with anxiety, fear and depression, the effects of their own sleep deprivation and how to cope with their baby’s crying and sleeplessness.
The piece went on to address the “emotional turmoil” or parenting a young child.
We can all agree that the terrible twos kind of suck, but “turmoil”? That’s a really strong word to describe a process that may be difficult, but most of find rewarding and positive.
And almost 75% of us want more advice on how to parent? The number of parenting guides, internet resources and support groups for new moms is greater than ever before. If I want tips on how to cope with sleep deprivation, I can kind at least a dozen suggestions from just a couple minutes of Googling. From there, it’s just really just trial and error to find something that works fro me. Moms are discussing parenting techniques more than ever before, and still the majority of us are looking for additional outside advice.
This idea lends support to a theory I’ve been building for a while now, that parents are more afraid than ever before. We’re lacking confidence in our own abilities. And because of that, we’re searching for validation from any source available, be it pediatrician, child psychologist, or just a blogger on the internet. We want someone to tell us that we’re doing it right, that we’ll be okay.
I’m beginning to wonder if it isn’t advice that new mothers need, it’s support for their own ideas. Maybe we should be telling each other what to do less, and encouraging one another’s personal views more. The judgment swirling around modern moms can be pretty overwhelming, and it only serves to reinforce the idea that there are “right ways” and “wrong ways” to parent. If you don’t see the problem with this, consider that absolutely no one agrees on what the “right way” is. Not doctors, not psychologists and certainly not mothers. We all have our processes and our own beliefs.
Studies such as this one make me worried that the trend is only continuing. So I want to ask our readers, just how can we help moms to trust their instincts? How can we instill some confidence in our fellow parents and help them learn that there is no right or wrong way to parent, as long as you’re doing the best you can for yourself and your family?