Having Sex While Pregnant Is A Lot Like Learning To Drive

sex pregnancyHaving sex while pregnant is a lot like learning to drive. At least that’s what it would sound like to an outsider: “Okay, a little slower. That’s right! Good. Wait…okay…a little too the left…to the right…Slow! Slow!” I was thinking about this as I was in the middle of having sex last week, which I probably shouldn’t have been thinking about.

My sex life has not diminished at all since I’ve become pregnant (only five weeks left!), but it’s definitely gotten more difficult. My fiancé, out of concern, actually said to me recently, “We should have a ‘safe’ word, just in case you’re in pain or I’m hurting you.” I responded with the suggestion, “How about ‘Get the F*** off of me!’” Or, simply, “Stop!”

The problem, I’ve learned, is that my ‘normal’ grunting and groaning during sex actually sounds a lot like I’m in pain. Who knew? Too many times to count, my fiancé has asked, “Are you okay? Is everything okay?” while we’re doing it, and I’ll be like, “Um, yeah! Everything is fine! Continue!” And he’ll respond, “Oh, I thought I was hurting you,” and I’ll be like, “Nope, those are my usual sex sounds!”

But recently it’s been very difficult to have sex. It has nothing to do with our combined three other children being around or that I’m not feeling frisky. It really has just become, well, difficult. This big belly in front of me makes it hard to do anything, really, including walking. I feel a bit badly that my fiancé is, quite literally, doing all the work. Thus far, I’ve gained 42 pounds and that’s a lot of weight to move around. All I can basically do during sex time is lie on my back with a pillow propped behind my head. I could sit on top of him, but I’m a little embarrassed by how I look. (I’m sorry! I know. I know. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. I have to get over it!) And I worry that I’m hurting him.

Sometimes, he can roll one of my legs over, so I’m half on my side, which is a pretty good position, until I realize I’m having a hard time breathing. There’s no way I can lie on my stomach. And don’t let them fool you. No matter how much yoga you practiced before getting pregnant, once you have a huge belly in front of you, it really doesn’t matter how flexible you are. Your legs just don’t go that way any more.

You can reach this post's author, Rebecca Eckler, on twitter.
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    • Meghan Keane

      I don’t have any kids, but I am impressed by your dedication to regular sex. Most parents I know have gone way more than two months without (even when there wasn’t a c-section involved).

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    • Lulu

      I really wanted this to be a bitch and moan fest about how it’s hard to have sex while pregnant, which it was to some degree but now I just feel bad about my own sex life :)

      “I don’t think we’ve gone more than five days without having sex since we’ve met”

      Seriously? I’ve been married 9 years (and together 14 years) and our sex life is pretty good, but certainly have gone longer than 5 days. And now that I’m pregnant I have no interest, too uncomfortable.
      You are obviously a freak of nature (in a good way).

    • dina

      Ha – this was great, and so easy to relate to! You’re right: no amount of yoga (which I do every day) helps – it just is what it is in terms what your body will (or won’t) do.

    • Sinead

      You know I read this and smiled. I can so relate! I only have a week and 4 days left till my cesarean and its so hard! We try diff positions but its too hard to get in the mood or even stay in the mood for that matter with Kangaroo Jack beating my guts even harder then my husband. Even when I’m not in the mood I just let him have it. I figure just over another week and I’ll get a two month vacation.