Mommyish Poll: Should A Surrogate Be Present At A Baby Shower?

e oscar party 2 080310Giuliana Rancic got a surprise baby shower from her co-workers over at E!, which resulted in sweet  thank yous and what looks like obligatory pastel cupcakes. Her surrogate baby news has overjoyed those who have tuned into her infertility struggles, brush with breast cancer, and career. But in our times of perhaps waning surrogacy stigma and increased tolerance for any woman’s path to motherhood, what exactly is the etiquette for baby showers when a surrogate is involved?

From the clip, it appears that the shower was just for Giuliana, but should it be? Who knows if the surrogate perhaps joined later when the cameras were off or if the couple plans to host their own separate celebration with the surrogate. But wouldn’t that keep with some of those lingering sentiments that surrogacy should remain hush hush?

Giuliana has already described the woman carrying her child as a “dream come true,” adding that being told of the pregnancy was “the best moment in my life.” And given how the TV host has been absolutely gushing about her surrogate experience everywhere from TODAY to her reality TV series, it would seem that some recognition for the woman bringing this child into the world is in order.

Nevertheless, baby showers traditionally are focused on the mother — as in the lady doing the parenting from here on out. So what’s the evolving etiquette on a surrogate being invited to sit around the dreaded and perpetual opening of tissue paper?

Sorry! This poll is now closed.

(photo: FayesVision/

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  • niki

    If Guiliana’s surrogate wasn’t present at the baby shower it is most likely because the shower was taped for her tv show, and the surrogate doesn’t want to be on tv. I think it is admirable that Guiliana talks so openly about her experiences but doesn’t exploit the woman who is carrying her baby by flashing her all over the television.

  • katia

    if both the mom and the surrogate are happy about it why not? for the surrogate, being at the shower is probably one of her easier tasks of the surrogacy job (unless she is socially anxious or something). but i can definitely see the mom not having her there or not having a shower if its just too much to deal with. actually with all the gifts it might be awkward as the one who is carrying the baby is not receiving gifts, only money… or do people buy, say, a belly bandit, for the surrogate even though she is already getting paid and she’s not in their circle of friends?

  • CW

    I think it depends on what makes the two women feel most comfortable. The only surrogate situation that I’m personally familiar with is a pair of sisters so of course the aunt/surrogate was present as she is an important part of the child’s life even after the pregnancy.

  • Melissa

    I think it depends on the situation. I’m getting the impression this was just an office shower. I’m guessing, since Bill and Giuliana have talked about how much they like their surrogate, that she’d be more likely to be present at a personal friends/family shower but that’s totally up to them. Also, their surrogate lives in a different state.

    Furthermore, their surrogate may wish to remain as anonymous as possible so she can go through the rest of her life in peace. But that’s between them. I’m sure they’ve discussed all of this.

  • suchende

    If I were a surrogate, I would not want to attend the shower. They’re not my friends and family, I don’t want to answer their questions about my pregnancy, and the baby gifts are not things I’ll be using.