I Want My Husband To Get A Vasectomy So That He Won’t Have Kids Without Me

surgeryI’ve been pregnant a handful of times. Once was a miscarriage. The others resulted in my family: four lovely healthy children for my husband and me. At my last check-up, my doctor asked me what my preferred method of birth control was. I told her my husband would be getting a vasectomy.

I’ve been saying that every year since our baby was born. And our baby is now four years old.  The facts are simple: my husband and I are in our mid-forties, and we feel our family is complete. I am not interested in complicating my hormones at this stage by going on the pill, nor do I feel it is necessary for me to undergo surgery in order to have my tubes tied. An IUD is not something I want to explore. I know everyone who has one loves it, but something about a piece of metal in my uterus creeps me out. Frankly, after giving birth four times, I think my body’s been through the ringer. I’ve done enough. It’s now up to my husband to be responsible for our birth control.

And so he withdraws. Yes, I am one of “those” moms. This method has worked for us for years now. My husband’s argument that he’ll eventually get snipped, but doesn’t feel it’s urgent, sort of makes sense. Every year I badger him about it, even threatening to withhold sex. But that doesn’t serve either of us very well. His younger brother’s gone through it, as have many of our friends, and still he resists. He even makes an annual New Year’s resolution – but fails to even call for an appointment, let alone show up.

He states we’ve been fine thus far. I know it hasn’t been a priority. He says he hasn’t had time. I say he’s petrified. He claims it’s me trying to control him. I claim it’s my way of keeping things under control. One thing I never say – ever – is the real reason I want him “fixed”: clearly I don’t want to have more children. But I don’t want him to have any. With me or anyone else.

We’re both healthy and fit, and hopefully will continue to stay that way long into our old age. Not to be too morbid, but bad things happen to good people, right? Also, it’s never a forgone conclusion that we’ll be together forever, though it is my fervent hope. And if something happens to us – or to me – I don’t want him biologically parenting any more children. I’ve seen it happen: man moves on, has more kids, originals are kicked to the curb. Sounds extreme, I know, but I don’t want my husband putting any other kids above – or even on par with – our own. I know he loves our children dearly, but I secretly wonder if his love is strong enough – or fierce enough – to put them first if I were out of the picture.

For now, I hope it is. And I’ll continue to push for that vasectomy, closing that chapter once and for all.

(Photo: Paul Tearle)

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  • Cee

    Wow, that sounds like you have some trust issues when it comes to your husband. If you do, i think you need to address that before forcing him to do something he doesn’t want to do.

    Which brings me to the other point. If you are not being responsible for birth control, why should it be left to him? Women always shove facts about vasectomies to justify the man getting one. But, I have read that some men experience differences in sexual activity after one. My uncle said “if I had to do it all over again, Id ask my wife to cut part of her nipple off, its not the same sensation.” Not nice, but just like a man thinks its all so gravy and that women don’t feel a thing when they are on (insert any form of birth control method here), it is not always so good when men go through a vasectomy. Withholding sex to get your way is also quite childish. Maybe that will be the reason he will cheat and procreate with someone else? Eek, didn’t want to feed the paranoia.

    • Andrea

      Cee, I don’t think so. My husband reports no changes at all and I know two other men (husbands of close friends) that say the same thing.

      It might be childish, but at the end of the day, WE are the ones that have to shoulder all the physical requirements of bearing a child. The least they could do is share a little.

      I went through pregnancy, delivery, nursing, wrecking my body, stretch marks, morning sickness, acid reflex, sore nipples, and episionomies. TWICE. Getting a little cut in a sensitive area isn’t that much to ask.

    • Todd

      It is childish. and yes it is to much to ask! Look you still decided to do some of those thing and the others happened to you! Your husband got whipped.

    • Cee

      So pregnancy and bearing children is now a bargaining chip now? Wow.

    • Todd

      Thank you!

    • Lindsey

      When did your uncle get his vasectomy? Maybe procedures have changed. But hormonal birth control isn’t very safe for older women. Condoms aren’t fun, which is obviously why these two kids aren’t wrapping up. They’re both at an age where further children aren’t a good idea. So why not sterilization? Obviously a little snip for men is a lot easier than the options for women.

      And even ignoring the whole ‘I had the babies and took care of the BC, you take responsibility’ argument, which is very valid, women go to the gyn once a year every time they need hormonal birth control. For me it’s incredibly stressful to go to the lady bit doctor. But I go every year, get the painful! pap smear, let my doc poke and prod me, and ask personal questions all because… I don’t want a baby right now.

      So a guy can’t go to the doctor once to take control of his reproductive destiny? Phooey. You can easily ask the doc to give you a dose of anti-anxiety medicine, or even put you under for the procedure.

      But I forgot that being sterile makes a guy less of a man, and ALL reproductive responsibility falls on a woman’s shoulders, as well as actually bearing the child. How silly of me.

    • Andrea

      Cee: you better believe it is a bargaining chip!! We both wanted children, but I had to put my body through the wringer to have our family. Now we both don’t want any more children, so he can put up with a little physical discomfort for a couple of days to NOT expand our family.

      I had my babies pretty young. I was 27 when my 2nd was born. I was looking at a minimum of 20 YEARS!! of birth control. Heck no.

    • Todd

      You make me sick.

    • Erin W

      @Cee: Why are you discussing sexual sensation with your uncle?

  • Frances

    I think this article was refreshing in its honesty and probably more than a bit tongue in cheek which Cee obviously didn’t understand.

    • NotThumper

      I don’t know about tongue in cheek but I do agree that the honesty was refreshing. I think a lot more women feel the way that the author does but just won’t admit it.

  • CW

    You do realize that unlike tubal ligation for women, vasectomies are reversible? I actually know several men who underwent reversals after they remarried so that they could father a baby with their new wives (to be fair, one was a widower).

    • Andrea

      That’s debatable. I had to attend the informational visit with my husband’s urologist and he made it pretty clear that a reversal was a incredibly expensive and not likely to success process. He stressed it over and over again, wanted to make sure that the odds of him ever fathering children were nil to none.

      There are a couple of types of vasectomies too. One just kinda clips the tubes, and that one might be more easily reversible. The most common one is where they actually take away part of the tubes and cauterize the ends. That one cannot be reversed easily, it is a MAJOR procedure with little chance of succeeding.

    • CW

      The statistics I found of successful pregnancy after vasectomy reversal were in the half to three-quarters range depending on how long it had been since the original surgery. http://www.vasectomy.com/ArticleDetail.asp?siteid=R&ArticleId=5

      This certainly gibes with the anecdotal evidence I have witnessed.

    • Andrea

      That article you linked posts a 76% chance of pregnancy within 3 years. After that, it keeps dropping and at 10 years is below 50%. At 15 years is 30%. To me, not great odds.

      However, I have heard of several pregnancies that happened after husband got a vasectomy (not intended). But I always though that what happened is they didn’t use a back-up method during the 1st 8 weeks after the procedure.

  • Jen

    The ONLY issue I had with this article (which I agree is definitely more than a little tongue-in-cheek) is the very last paragraph. Even if she’s joking, I would feel incredibly hurt by my spouse insinuating that I don’t/won’t love my kids enough to put them first if I wasn’t being forced to by someone else.

    I think the last paragraph also has a hint of the old “men are bad parents by nature and it’s only women who keep them in line” that is such a harmful stereotype for both men and women.

    Frankly, I think this could have been said in a way funnier and less emotionally damaging way.

    • NotThumper

      I agree with you about the last paragraph. I didn’t think too much of it in my first read through but now that you mention it I’d be insulted if I were her husband.

      Honestly if I didn’t think my husband would die for our children then I doubt I’d have had any with him.

      I still appreciate the honesty of the article though.

    • Andrea

      Jen, I understand what you are saying, but it happens SO often! It does! And it’s not really because the husband is a “bad father”, it’s just that when you are not involved on the day to day activities of your children, guys just..slip. They don’t MEAN to do it, but it happens! Add to that a new wife, maybe a new cute little baby whom he lives with…and I can really see it happening!

      And being extremely selfish and mean, I will confess to this to my fellow posters: I don’t want my husband to have children with anyone else also because of financial reasons. There I said it.

      PS: he had a vasectomy years ago after our 2nd child. I had to whine a lot and even withhold sex, but he did it. And we couldn’t be happier.

    • Jen

      Apologies if this posts twice, my first response got lost in the ether.

      Andrea: I just totally disagree with you. There are plenty of men and women in the world who treat their children poorly for whatever reason and plenty that begin to treat them worse after they remarry/have another child. The fact is that I can’t imagine ever thinking that of my spouse and I would imagine it would be absolutely horrible and heartbreaking for him if I did. How can you have anything like a healthy relationship or family if you truly don’t believe that your husband loves his children as much as you do? How horrible must this doubt make him feel? Why would you marry someone who you didn’t think was capable of loving your children as intensely as you do?

      My husband works while I stay home; but I have no doubt that if he were to remarry (for whatever reason) and have more children he would still continue being the most amazing father to our daughter. If I did doubt that I would never have consented to marry him in the first place. I just don’t see how you can go through life carrying around the emotional weight of feeling that if you die your husband won’t love your children anymore and I don’t see how you can claim to love someone you think could be anything but a wonderful father to your children if you weren’t in the picture withholding sex and forcing him to behave.

  • bl

    I, too, appreciate honesty and would never deny someone their neuroses/insecurities given that I have plenty myself, but I draw the line at letting them affect other people. It’s one thing to wish out loud to friends/the internet that your spouse will get a vasectomy to spare your children half-siblings in the event of your untimely death. It’s another to pressure your husband into a procedure he cleary doesn’t want because of your fears, especially because your fears are (I hope) unfounded. It seems odd for a caring mother to have multiple children with a partner she thinks could dump them for new children. Plus, if he’s that type, he’ll probably already have dumped them for his new girlfriend or wife, whether or not they can have kids.

  • moonkitty

    If you really think your husband is so shallow that he would love children from a new marriage more than his biological children he has with you, then you married the wrong man.

    • vin

      So true! I still don’t get why people marry if they aren’t sure the person is right for them and that they can make it work for years to come. Why this negative attitude of relationships breaking and people falling “out” of love.

  • Kel

    The most important people in my life are my “half” siblings. Yikes.

  • Katia

    Interesting article! Touches a lot of emotionally intense issues

  • Beth

    Why’s everyone going after *her*? Her hopes for a nuclear-family future are her business. His delaying a vasectomy and holding an unwanted pregnancy over her head all the time is the most disrespectful, sexist behaviour I’ve heard of in a while.

    • Katie

      Excuse me?
      Making your own medical choices are sexist and disrespectful?
      Whats disrespectful is trying to talk someone into a voluntary medical procedure that they do not want. THAT is disrespectful.

    • vin

      If her hopes for a small family are her business, then shouldn’t appropriate birth control also be her business? Shouldn’t she be responsible and get an IUD or a procedure done instead of pushing others to do so?

    • Lindsey

      IUDs are temporary, and there are nightmare stories.

      What I think is disrespectful is that they’ve had a conversation that they don’t want kids and that a vasectomy is the best option. But the husband keeps putting it off, promising he’ll do it *later*.

      I think it’s so sad that so many people, including women, think that sexual health and family planning is a woman’s responsibility, and that men should be able to kick back and dick around because they’re a little scared of a tiny, tiny surgery.

    • Todd

      No he is concerned for his body! It’s his body there does not need to be a another reason! It’s not sexiet!

  • MH

    But by this same logic, isn’t he entitled to demand the same of the mother? More often than not, the man dies first. If this mother is within her rights to not want her husband to reproduce and “replace” her children in the event she dies and he remarries, then it would only be proper for her to have her tubes tied as well, in the event he dies first, so she will be forever prevented from giving birth to some other man’s children.

    • Lindsey

      They’re in their mid forties. If they split she’s never going to be at an ideal age to have another child. He might marry a younger woman and have babies with her. I mean, it’s a silly fear to have.

      But if he doesn’t love her enough to get a vasectomy (imagine the pit in her stomach every month she’s a little late!), so maybe he doesn’t love her enough for the ’til death’ part.

    • Todd

      What is wrong with you? Your logic is similar to young boys telling their girl friends that if they do not have sex with then they do not love them. It’s his body respect his choice.

    • Mel

      Lindsey, what if her husband had asked her to get her tubes tied? By your logic, if she loved him “til death,” she would do it if he asked her to. But then, that would go against the whole “I am woman, blah blah blah” mind set that so many women on here apparently have, and the author would probably be on her writing a whole article bitching about how her husband wants her to have the surgery, rather than him.

      The way I see it, it’s her uterus. She’s the one that has to go through the pregnancy and child birth. Don’t want a kid? Use birth control. Demanding that the husband gets a vasectomy just because she doesn’t feel like taking some responsibility is ridiculous.

    • Lindsey

      A vasectomy isn’t the same as a tubal ligation. Why don’t people see that? One is cost effective, the other is very expensive. One is a major surgery, one is literally done with a needle.

      Doesn’t feel like taking responsibility? She probably had to shoulder ALL the weight of the birth control earlier in their marriage.

      This is how the vasectomy question always goes: a woman suggests that maybe more men should give a half a fuck about the couple’s birth control and have a vasectomy. Then the internet gets nasty and says, “WHY DOESN’T THE WOMAN JUST TAKE CARE OF IT HERSELF? SELFISH BITCH RAH RAH RAH.”

      So basically the message is that men shouldn’t have to lift a finger about birth control. Maybe, if he’s generous, he’ll pay for half of the BC. The trial and error, yearly pap smears, and serious side effects are EXPECTED of woman. But let’s all be sensitive, a procedure that is less dangerous and physically taxing than getting your wisdom teeth out and only have to do once is really a lot to ask of your life partner.

    • Nicola

      A Vasectomy is not ‘literally done with a needle’. The ‘needle’ you speak of is used to administer anaesthetic and then the needle is done with. A scalpel is then used to make incisions in the scrotum to allow the doctor access to the tubes that carry the sperm. A section is then cut out of each tube and the ends are either tied or cauterised. The message is not that men don’t have to lift a finger, the point is that this woman wants him to have a vasectomy for ALL THE WRONG REASONS, if he doesn’t want a vasectomy but she still insists on something being done, then yes the next natural choice is that she should get her tubes tied. The message this disgraceful woman is giving off is exactly the opposite of what you said “I am not interested in going on the pill” “An IUD is not something I want to explore”. Why should she have to do nothing? What makes her so damn special? SHE clearly doesn’t give half a fuck about contraception because they’re using the pull-out method, which is notoriously unreliable! And by her own admission her reasons mainly focus on not wanting him to have more children with someone else, not her! So yes, she is a ‘selfish bitch’ as you so eloquently put. Luckily for her, her husband seems relatively compliant. You’re creating a feminist issue where there isn’t one, and it’s people like you that make other women look bad.

  • Smalls

    While very honest of you to share it, you may want to deal with that “secret wonder” you have about your husband loving your children as much as you do, and the fear that he will love your family less if he goes on to be with someone else. A little thought like that may seem benign to you, but I bet it will come back to bite the both of you somewhere down the line.

    Wanting your husband to get a vasectomy because you both are done adding to your family is one thing – wanting him to get a vasectomy because you are worried he is going to go have babies with someone else and leave you all high and dry is another all together.

  • Coral

    This sickens me. I’m sooo glad my abuse ex husband never decided he had so much ownership over me as to decide to harass me into sterilization. FTR, my Grandmother was given up for adoption to make her mother’s second marriage easier. That doesn’t mean I’m about to ditch my children, and if I decide to have other children with another man, it’s not going to change the ‘family’ status I have now with my two kids, it would just mean adding to the family.

    I think you’re either sick in the head, controlling and manipulative, or you threw in that little bit as a hook to snag readers. You probably get paid by the amount of traffic you pull in.

  • Mel

    I guarantee if Amy Green’s husband told her to get her tubes tied, she’d be pitching a huge bitch fit.

    • Jen

      Um…the difference is her husband didn’t pitch a fit. At least by her own reporting he agreed that the procedure is something that should be done and he agreed to have it done and is now simply putting it off in a stunning display of immaturity and passive-agression.

      If this was a situation where the author had asked her husband to undergo a surgical procedure and he had spent some time and effort researching and looking into it and sat down with her and had an adult discussion where he explained why he didn’t think it was a good idea/something he wanted to do then perhaps your point would stand.

      The fact is he agreed to it and it seems like that was a big ol’ lie. I might not think her *real* reason for wanting him to have the procedure done is a good one, but I think his handling of the situation is deplorable.

    • Todd

      It’s his body, he can put it off. He has reasons for being hesitant. He actually knows the real reason why. Yes some men do have intuition and use it. So it’s not his fault it’s hers.

    • theotherRJH

      POTD! Well a year ago but exactly.

  • Jen

    I just wanted to make one point. I think it is very wrong for the author of this post to assume her husband doesn’t love or care about his kids as much as she does or that with her out of the picture he wouldn’t be a good father and if I were married to someone who felt that way about me I’d be looking into divorce lawyers.

    That being said: I think the people who are claiming that simply wanting or asking your partner to take responsibility for the fact that you as a couple do not want children any longer is in itself abusive or manipulative are simply wrong. Men are equally responsible for a pregnancy occurring and if they don’t want any more children with their significant other they should take some of the burden of birth control onto themselves.

    As several others have pointed out the birth control options available for women can be far more damaging to their bodies than a vasectomy and what’s more placing all the physical and emotional responsibility for family planning onto females seems to be a relic of a significantly worse time for females. Additionally, there are many women who have even more limited birth control choices because of health issues (often related to past pregnancies).

    The fact is that while I think this author’s feelings about her husband’s dedication to their children are troubling; her husband’s inability to take his wife’s health and mental well being into account and his lies about his intentions are equally problematic.

  • MKB

    While I think that it ultimately is one’s own choice to undergo sterilization, I don’t know why so many commenters are getting angry at the author. I think that giving birth four times, and being the one responsible for contraceptives until 44 years of age is huge, and her husband should respect that and start to take responsibility for the birth control. Obviously she can’t force him, but he seems like he agrees it’s right for their family, and if he wants to be fair to his wife and his family, he would do something now to take control of the situation. If he can’t/won’t do a vasectomy, to think of something else. It really isn’t fair for the author to shoulder that huge responsibility alone for the rest of time. Time to man up!

    • Sad sister

      It messes with your immune system and your hormones to have a vasectomy. If she truly loved him unselfishly , she should never ask him to self-mutilate!!!

    • Todd

      It’s when both parties want something mutual then it’s fair. was she coerced into having children? No, then why are you telling us to man up. The reason there is such much resentment husbands to have it is because of the notion that your husband is the one that owes you something.

  • Mama to 4

    First off, everything that Lindsey said. You got it, it’s completely selfish when men expect their wives to continue shouldering the lifelong burden of family planning at expense to their own health when they could easily take care of it with an outpatient procedure.
    Second, I can see why the author would suspect her husband in this case and with good reason. Men have second families all the time. At some point it would be reasonable to wonder if he’s leaving the proverbial door open for a reason. Unless he secretly wants to reproduce with his current wife there is no reason for refusing the surgery that is not completely and utterly selfish on his part.

  • Kasey

    I agree with those who said the husband is selfish. Maybe if you sit down and really talk to him you could find out the real reason behind him putting off the vasectomy? Maybe he’ll feel like he’s “less of a man” after getting one, a lot of insecure guys do. My husband used to be like that but after 3 miscarriages and 3 live births he doesn’t want me to go through the unnecessary surgery of getting my tubes tied when he can get a simple vasectomy.

    • Todd

      It’s his body people he doesn’t need any other reason then that!

  • Rachael

    I completely understand her feeling that she has been pregnant enough. I feel the same way after one. However, I think it’s selfish to not want him to have any more children ever if they break up and he moves on…her concerns regarding that are just not reasonable enough. If he is the kind of man that would forget his “original” children (odd phrasing) then he has always been that kind of man, and will always be one, vasectomy/new children or not.

    That said, am I the only one who’s significant other is all for getting a vasectomy?

    • Jen

      Nope. My husband is getting one too! No more kids for us.

  • JJ

    Two thoughts –
    First – seriously, man up and get the snip. True of pretty much all guys who agree they’re done with the babies. I know my DH doesn’t want to go under the knife due to a visceral reaction against sharp things interacting with his junk, no matter how good the anesthesia. Even so. He also knows that, out of the two genders, it’s medically easier for the guy than the girl to get sterilized. Plus cheaper. So we’re starting the process.

    I do think it’s cowardly to expect the woman to take ALL the risks with reproduction. And I’m dearly looking fowards to the day when male BC is approved.

    Two – If you’re not sure your husband would love the children without you … perhaps that should have been thought about before, say, having kids at all? There aren’t that many widows raising kids but it does happen and needs to be thought about. But I feel the same way about friends who laughingly say they’re husband is utterly hopeless with the children. Or those who stay with an abuser and put themselves in as a buffer. If you can’t trust the guy to raise them alone then don’t have them at all.

    And vasectomy reversal is possible. As is sperm harvesting for IVF. Neither guarantee success, but if he and new wife want a baby, there’s a good chance they’ll have one. So get it for your own sake, not for a rare possibility that’s unlikely to come true and, if it did … well, he shouldn’t have had those kids in the first place.

    • JJ

      er “widows” should be “widowers.” Mixed up the genders.

    • Todd

      My body, my rules, no other reason than that!

  • M. V.

    Hahah, you’re in your mid 40s. Just wait until you go through menopause. No more kids!

  • M. V.

    Also, it sounds like you have some trust issues if you don’t believe he’ll take care of the kids if you were out of the picture. Should have been something to think about before having the kids.

  • Joey

    My body my choice… unless you’re a man!

  • fred

    this is so sick…culture of death…sterilizing eachother…your husband has some balls left…not wanting to turn himself into a eunich…though he’s already acting like one, wasting his seed

    • Sad sister

      Fred, you are soooo right. My brother just had a vasectomy and “culture of death” was all I could think of. He just got engaged and she was for it. How sick is this world???

  • Todd

    Are condoms out of the questions, jeez. And don’t give me the whole they aren’t real forms of prevention.

  • http://www.facebook.com/melie.mohr Melie Mohr

    You are a disgusting woman!

  • John

    1. It’s easy to agree that something is a good idea, but when it comes down to altering your body, especially in a permanent manner, it’s easy to be hesitant or have second thoughts. I’m sure when you became pregnant for the first time, it wasn’t something you were ready for, and probably also had moments of hesitation, because no one is ready for that, and everyone has worries. Oral contraceptives are temporary. So is pregnancy. If any of your body changes permanently in the process, they are part of the ambiguity you decide to enter into. Choosing to move forward and have a child / accepting such changes to your body is ultimately the woman’s choice unless there are extenuating circumstances and/or religious implications. Vasectomies can alter a person too – both physically and mentally. It’s not a question of which option is cheaper, if it’s an outpatient procedure or not, or whether or not you are doing something for the other person or in the interest of your family. How do you – YOU – imagine yourself feeling (emotionally) after having something as permanent as a tubectomy? Is it something you would shrug off easily knowing that part of you will never magically repair itself like so many other things do?

    2. If you met, fell in love with, and married a man who was a widower with 3 kids, but longed your whole life of having a child yourself, would you appreciate it if his deceased wife pushed him into a vasectomy, essentially leaving you with the option of either leaving him for someone else or never being able to birth a child? Would it sting deeper if you knew that the deceased wife pushed him specifically because she didn’t want anyone else to have kids with him? Imagine for a second that there might be someone else out there that is as nice or a person, and has the same capacity to love the way that you yourself do. Those people do exist. And assuming that you are the only one is nonsense.
    3. Apparently condoms are out of the question / don’t constitute enough as an option for him to responsibly bare the weight of contraception? if anything, at least they are intrusive to both of you equally, rather than debating on who should go under the knife or otherwise – at least until he feels comfortable with a vasectomy or other option.
    4. Your last paragraph is disturbing. Either you already see something in him that is unfortunate, or you are blindly casting stereotypes onto millions of men that don’t deserve it. I love my son. No one comes above him. Not even his mother. And while we love each other dearly, she feels the same way about me. And this is while we are both still living – let alone one of use being deceased! The thought of any of our children being tossed to the curb is both a ridiculous and irrelevent notion. And if we ever parented others, together or apart, we both know, that we would feel the same about those children too.
    5. Your comments come across as very self-serving. Badgering, and using peer pressure is child’s play. If you really want to resolve things, try speaking WITH your husband, rather than speaking TO him, and with less conviction, and a little more understanding. Unless you really don’t care about him, pushing him into something against his will and risking it harming your relationship is not going to help anything.

  • Get a clue.

    I guess your divorce is just a matter of time… (when he replaces you for a younger model).

    Get over yourself. Your job is to breed, or go on the pill, instead you want to castrate someone?

    You’ll be barren soon anyhow.

    And to correct some of the previous whacko posters, “If he loves her, he’ll get a vasectomy.. ” I can respond to that with if she loves him, she’ll keep pumping his kids out, or use an IUD.

    After all, why would he want to lose his potency just to appease someone who will be naturally barren in like 5 years (on average)…?

    • Todd

      Dude your a jerk.

  • http://twitter.com/RachMace Rachel Boots Cats

    I got myself fixed, BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO CARRY ANY MORE BABIES. I have nothing against someone who gets a vasectomy, but you want your husband to get one for the wrong reasons. That’s just as bad as a man expecting you to get fixed because he doesn’t like condoms.
    My husband loves me, I don’t have to neuter him to know I am the only woman he wanted to procreate with.
    Get counseling.

  • Geff

    My wife was trying to manipulate me with sex, begging to get me to get a vasectomy – TWO DAYS BEFORE FILING DIVORCE!

    You Miss Amy Green, and all the women (and men) like you and my ex are SICK.

    If a man wants to be sterile, that’s his choice. it’s his body. You have no right to manipulate your husbands love for you, by pressuring him to make such a decision, just so you can clam your own personal fears and emotional problems, or in case of my ex, advantage your ambitions.


  • Anna R

    It’s ridiculous to me that he would not just get it done. Woman HAVE to carry our children for nine months, go through so much pain and agony to bring our children to earth. The only thing the man does is get the pleasure of one night and we go through the rest for 9 months. How is that fair? If you’ve read anything about a woman getting fixed vs a man u would understand. Personally for a woman it sucks to be on the birth control, dealing with crazy hormones and so on. A man has to deal with nothing but a condom, can take it off and in the trash it goes. How fun for the man when us woman already go through so much. A man can go in on a Friday get the vasectomy done, go home with an ice pack and return to work on Monday. A woman is at risk undergoing the surgery and so much can go wrong, and takes 6 weeks to heal. I don’t think she’s a bad woman for asking her husband, I just think you should do your research before you talk shit! Just saying

  • theotherRJH

    Amy…sorry to say but you kinda sound self centered. What if something happens and you die and he remarries? He might want to have kids what that person. I know its woulda, coulda, shoulda, but the problem isn’t him…it’s you.

  • Stef

    I agree with Rachel. This isn’t about his issues, it’s about yours. If you can’t trust your husband, what is your marriage based on at this point? The kids? Without trust you have no foundation and making him alter his body so you trust him to stick around is sick. I’ve had friends who have made the decision to have a vasectomy and it was always the husband who ultimately decided that this was the best choice for himself and the family, whatever the reasons. Pushing him to do something he dont want to do will guarantee you a compromised marriage at the very least.

  • Stef

    I agree with Rachel. This isn’t about his issues, it’s about yours. If you can’t trust your husband, what is your marriage based on at this point? The kids? Without trust you have no foundation and making him alter his body so you trust him to stick around is sick. I’ve had friends who have made the decision to have a vasectomy and it was always the husband who ultimately decided that this was the best choice for himself and the family, whatever the reasons. Pushing him to do something he dont want to do will guarantee you a compromised marriage at the very least.

  • Todd

    I have never and never will try to tell my wife what to do with her body no matter the implications on me. Why does a man not have the same right? Why do men have to face pressure from women to do something with their bodies that is obviously a personal choice?

  • Marcel

    Hey Amy,
    My wife wanted the same as you and solved her problem real easy.
    She made an appointment for me with a young female urologist who is a friend of her and went with me to the appointment.
    The doctor discussed and scheduled the operation with my wife.
    Two weeks later, she sterilized me and that was that.
    We’re some years later now and I don’t complain.
    My wife is happy and that’s what matters.

  • sam fisher

    wow, insecure women,red flag.
    If I were the husband , I would get a DNA test on all 4 kinds, probably none of them where fathered by him.I would also get a dame good divorce lawyer, all indicators point to to a cheating gold digger

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  • The Misanthrope

    If a man doesn’t want kids he should get a vasectomy. If a woman doesn’t want kids she should get her tubes tied. However NO ONE should should be forced to get sterilized for their significant other. Your attitude is disgusting.

  • sorrynotsorry

    My husband had a vasectomy after having three kids with his ex wife. He got it reversed after we had been dating for 10 months. We’ve been married for 2.5 years and already have two kids of our own, we’re planning four. This woman sounds like a controlling idiot.