The 10 Worst Mommies You’ll Meet On The Internet

moms on the internetMommies on the internet. We’re a funny bunch. We are admired for our ability to organize and come together when someone angers us. Goodbye sexist JCPenney shirts! We’re prized by marketers and advertisers who see moms and their checkbooks as the most important demographic out there. Hello Power Moms! And of course, we attract ire for our truly vitriolic debate and almost blood-thirsty lust to rip each other to pieces. Raise your hand if you’ve ever been told that people feel sorry for your children. (More than once.)

What complex creatures we Mommies are.

But there’s one thing that moms on the internet aren’t very well known for: a sense of humor. For whatever reason, moms seem to have a really hard time poking fun at ourselves. And let’s be serious ladies, we can be pretty funny! In fact, with all the hormones and emotions of motherhood, we can be downright hysterical.

So let’s all take a minute to appreciate and even laugh about the mommies you meet on the internet. We’ve all been these moms at varying levels every once in a while, don’t bother pointing direct fingers. I myself have had my moments when the Sanctimommy rears her well-coiffed head and I’ve  grossed out everyone around me with cervix talk.

What Mommies did I miss? In this high school cafeteria we call the internet, what Mommy lunch table did I leave off the list?

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  • CW

    You forgot the hipster mom. You know, the one who acts like she’s still a 22 year old college kid instead of a 30- or 40-something suburban mom of 2. She’s the one yakking away about her tattoo and going to “Baby Loves Disco” and so on. Lady, you may THINK that you’re oh-so-much-cooler than the rest of us middle-aged suburban moms but you just wind up looking ridiculous…

    • Lindsay Cross

      Hehehe. Baby Loves Disco. I don’t want to attend Baby Loves Disco, I just want to marvel at it from afar.

    • B

      CW, does this count as the Mom who is out to prove that she is still “hot” and and still looks put together, while everyone else just neglects her appearance? This is usually the Mom who blogs about other mothers and complains about how neurotic they are.

    • CW

      @B: there’s “put together” in an age- and parental status-appropriate way, and then there’s someone who is desperately trying to be something she no longer is.

  • kate

    Im pretty sure im at least two of these. oops. ;)

    • Lindsay Cross

      Hehe! I’ve been at least half of them!

    • kate

      oh well good, im glad it wasnt just me. lol

  • Eileen

    I don’t even have any kids yet, but I’m pretty sure I’m already the “my kids turned out just fine” mommy.

  • Frances

    I think most of us have a little bit of each of these inside us lol! I really try not to judge any other parent because I hate the idea of being judged myself. In my opinion there are many ways to raise a happy healthy child and to each their own.

    CW, baby loves disco sounds awesome, but I am way too lame for that stuff, lol. I’ll leave that to my younger counterparts.

  • Wendy

    At first I wondered why everyone seemed to be kind of a wino once they had a baby. Now, with a 3 month old, I have to limit myself to a glass or two of wine on the weekends!

  • Another Steph

    In defence of ‘My kids turned out fine’ mothers – the whole time I was pregnant I was convinced I was going to do the informed parenting thing forever. Or at least until the kid was eighteen or something.

    It last about a month. You read one study and go, “So we’re introducing peanuts early now. Okay. Good to know.” The next week it’s another study by an equally reputable researcher saying, “INTRODUCING PEANUTS EARLY CAUSES SERIOUS ALLERGIES!!!”

    Then on top of that, you’ve got some other mother telling you that the statistics prove how dangerous swaddling is, but just yesterday you read the studies that said that swaddling makes your baby feel more secure.

    I became a much happier mother the day I let common sense, and not an endless stream of contradictory papers, become my guide.

    • Wils

      common sense is the best. studies are mostly wrong. granma’s advice was : everything in moderation. I like to add in “and with common sense.”

  • sassandahalf

    How about the, “I’ve never had a weight problem, but…” or, “I lost all my baby weight in 2 weeks,” and “I’m going to comment on and judge everyone who is overweight like I know all the circumstances of your life” mommies.

    • Rachael

      Or, conversely, the mommies who are shocked and appalled if you are able to do your hair and put on make up, because that must mean you’re neglecting your baby.

  • Rachael

    What about the “natural everything” mommies, who have the nerve to tell you that you aren’t a real mom if you can’t predict your labor through natural rhythms, if you don’t give birth naturally, if you don’t breast feed, etc.?