• Mon, Dec 5 2011

Girls Who Wear ‘Princess’ Shirts Aren’t ‘Sluts In The Making’

regina george mean girlsPerhaps one of the biggest misconceptions I encounter when reporting on the sexist sayings that pervade little girl’s clothing is that a glittery t-shirt that reads “princess” or “a little bit dramatic” or “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” or a thong that reads “I love rich boys” will set girls down a path of rampant “sluttiness.” That all it takes is a few rhinestones dotting a crown and your little girl will just start chasing after every boy who show her interest. While some of these garment no doubt sexualize girls, calling them “sluts in the making” when they choose these garments doesn’t exactly help matters.

I personally don’t use the “slut” for a multitude reasons. Even in the wake of powerful movements like SlutWalk, it’s still I word I don’t like to hear given how long the term has been steeping in vehement anti-woman sentiments and rhetoric. I commend the women and men who are looking to reclaim the word, especially younger women who are being playful with the double standard that the word imposes. And given how even young girls use the term casually in exchanges with friends, it’s obvious that the term is not always very potent given a certain context.

But at its historical core, “slut” is an ugly word specifically designed to denigrate women by reducing them to their sexuality — which happens even today. That’s why teenage girls like Emma Sullivan, who tweeted her distaste for Gov. Brownback, gets called a “whore” for expressing her opinion and Elizabeth Warren, one of the most respected women in US poltics, gets called a “socialist whore” by people who disagree with her. And yet, many feel compelled to use this derogatory term freely when it comes to really young girls, conveying to them at a young age that a “slut” is a real life to be avoided, a real persona that they can inhabit if they’re not careful. Girls who are merely looking to be cool, be accepted, and follow emerging yet sexist trends, are often quick to evoke the word in adults based merely on their wardrobe choices — which is even more disappointing.

Giving girls clothing that reinforces the 24/7 media message that their appearance is what matters most does discourage other pursuits, like shirts that claim that they can’t do math and can be pretty like their mother while their brother can be smart like daddy. Whether you do or do not believe that getting girls preoccupied with their sex appeal and beauty is conducive to a fulfilling life is up for personal debate. But telling them that they’re “little sluts” for picking out a shirt that proclaims their love of makeup is just as problematic. And villifying the girls who do make those wardrobe choices as “sluts” erects a clear stigma that ultimately hurts girls down the road by making that kind of sexually-charged hatred for other women not only acceptable, but all the more real for their own futures.

Our girls and daughters need more than scare tactics about how shirts will turn them into mythical “sluts” if they’re not careful. And while we should be discouraging the sexism that dominates most of their commercial wardrobe, we should also be mindful of how we communicate this distaste to the little ones watching.

(photo: episodesandreels.com)

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  • roxythekiller

    Well said! If only there were more articles such as this one on the web. It is troubling enough that young girls are sexualized by the media, without well-intentioned “mommy bloggers” perpetuating the notion of “sluttiness.” Imagine my surprise when I read an issue of Parents Magazine, and found an article in which a mother introduces her daughter to “appropriate dress” by encouraging her little girl to call “inappropriately dressed” women and girls “nasty.”

    This attitude relies on on vague, ever-changing notions of what “nasty” women look like— knee-length skirts, bare shoulders, and visible hair are still banned in some (non-voluntary) dress codes under the premise that women who wear them are immodest or “nasty.” Fashions change, but the attitude has not.

    And instead of attacking sources that sexualize and objectify women, critics of these sources often attack young women themselves for “being slutty.” This divides women from each other, but does not better anybody’s situation. Changing our fashions does not change sexism, and neither does calling each other “sluts.”

    Also, the attitude of “locking up our daughters” in response to this media, and censoring any female expression or discussion of sexuality, is more damaging than helpful. Young men are not treated this way, and their expressions of sexuality are often celebrated— not censored.

    Also, the mythical search for a slut has real-life consequences, whether or not women dress “provocatively.” I grew up in a conservative school environment. My mini-skirts were so “inappropriate” that I was routinely called out of class for them, put in detention repeatedly, and barred from attending one standardized test.

    Based on my outfit, many people (including adults) already thought they knew who I was: a “bad party girl” trying to attract boys. Interestingly, most people who thought this way never talked to me… they just talked ABOUT me. This includes school officials who never greeted me back, and only spoke to me to tell me how inappropriate my clothes were.

    If more people had gotten to know me, they would’ve at least known that I outright hated most of the boys at my school, and didn’t have sex with them. Many of them yelled out “slut!” whenever I passed, one constantly tried to look up my skirt (and videotape down my shirt.) When I complained to school authorities, they told me I brought this on myself— and advised wearing a longer skirt. I refused.

    Giving in would have changed nothing: the same boys who harassed me also harassed “appropriately dressed” girls without punishment. The boys who acted this way were opportunistic, and harassed any girl they felt they could get away with harassing. One girl they harassed was only 14, but more physically developped than I was. When she passed her yearbook around class, many boys anonymously wrote sexually inappropriate comments about her breasts and butt. In response, the office told her to wear baggier sweaters (that were baggy enough to go over her butt), and zip them up all the way.

    As a result of this inaction, most girls didn’t report incidents to the office. Fear of harassment undoubtedly impacted their education, and how they related to other women.

    As for me, I’ve always believed that the content of a woman’s character matters more than the content of her wardrobe. Although some people beg to differ, I think we can all agree that all people have human rights, and that no one deserves to be emotionally, verbally, and physically harassed. Just because “it happens” that *some* people forget that when a woman wears a skirt does not make it right.

    That’s why I’m leery of any “woman’s advocate” who takes to negatively referring to women as “sluts,” or normalizes and reinforces this concept.

    A while ago, I wrote an article on the history and impact of gender-based dress codes (not to be confused with safety-based, militaristic, or self-imposed dress codes.) My article: http://subterfugemag.org/blog/2010/07/27/do-i-look-like-a-slut/#axzz1frY4VCsS
    While I don’t write for this publication anymore, I hope the article is interesting to you :)

    Thanks for writing such a wonderful article on such a relevant subject.

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  • Sparkle

    When I was 8 or 9, I had a pair of tracksuit bottoms with “princess” written in sequins on the bottom. I’m definitely not a slut though! It’s not what you wear, it’s how you act.

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