I had a total Mommy Wars/feeling judged moment at school the other day that I’m still trying to figure out what exactly went wrong. Here’s what happened, in a nutshell:
Mother: “Let’s get boys together on Friday since there’s no school that day.”
Me: “Sounds great. Can J. come to us?”
Mother: “Sure thing.”
Me: “Okay. I’ll be working but our nanny will be at home and she’s wonderful. B. will be so excited!”
Mother then proceeds to give me look of horror. Pure shock and horror!
“What’s up?” I asked.
“Why doesn’t B. just come to us?” she answered.
I explained that since I’ll be at work, I wouldn’t be able to drop my son off at her house unless it was super early, nor would I be able to pick him up. Keep in mind that this woman lives 25 minutes away from me – not exactly around the corner. Nonetheless, she offered to drive him both ways – all seemingly to avoid having her child play at my house with a – gasp! – nanny.
Am I being hyper-sensitive here? It was her look of horror that threw me for a loop. It was as if I had told her that my floors are covered in poison. Or that no adult would be home to watch the kids (who are 6 years old, by the way). The truth is, if I’m willing to leave my own two children in the care of our wonderful nanny, then she should trust that her son will be safe, too. And, if not, she should at least fake it (i.e., make something up) rather than staring at me like I had just killed her puppy.
Or, better yet, she could have simply said, “I’m not working so why doesn’t B. come to us? I’d be more comfortable with that.”
Instead, her response made me feel like the worst mom in the world, which I know is really just my own guilt surfacing because of the fact that I choose to work.
I know this isn’t the biggest deal in the world – far from it – and I know that this mother is probably a very sweet woman who had no intention of offending me. But it has stuck with me, and I’m wondering if it’s just me.
Readers, what do you think? Have you ever been in a similar situation? Have you ever been caught off guard and felt judged like this over silly playdate politics? Please share!