• Tue, Nov 29 2011

According To Gawker, ‘Mommy Bloggers’ Shouldn’t Have Any Opinions

angry housewifeIf you want to split hairs, I happen to be a “mommy blogger.” One without kids of my own, mind you. I cringe at the word because all of us internet scribes are first and foremost writers in some capacity. Yet “mommy blogger” seeks to separate mothers from that arena and in a way, belittle their work, simply by being mothers. I also don’t like the taste of “mompreneur” and other terms made to distinguish women’s professional titles based on whether they have kids at home or not.

But even if you happen to like the terms and want to be up front and center about your role as a mother in your professional sphere, don’t get too disappointed when others roll their eyes at the term “mommy blogger.” Or in the case of Gawker, tell you to shut up.

When commenting on one mother’s disapproval of a gay hookup ad that is positioned close to her son’s school, Gakwer writer Brian Moylan leads in with:

Is there anything worse than mommy bloggers? That is a rhetorical question because if you have two firing synapses, you know the answer to that question.

The writer goes on to point out that even though the “mommy blogger” in question asserts herself as feminist and sex-positive, her discomfort with the relatively tame ad (by my estimation) suggests a lingering discomfort with homosexuality. That very wellmay be true and point taken, but he goes on to describe these “poor mommy bloggers” and this woman’s opinion as “‘mommy blogging’ at its worst.” Swings can of course be taken at a woman’s opinion without denigrating her profession, but don’t tell that to Gawker who esteems mommy blogging as the lowest of the low.

Perhaps mommy bloggers are so culturally disdainful because a mother with opinions is still so remarkable in our society. After all, shouldn’t a woman who has had children just give up thinking entirely and go back to the kitchen where she belongs? What’s with all these women having the nerve to run their mouths after giving birth anyway? Shouldn’t they just — you know — be mothers without  participating in online discussions?

I’d surely quit my station and go back to minding my own brood if I had one, leaving the interwebs to the truly capable like the very wise men of Gawker. Although a mommy blogger who is not a mommy is probably just as unfathomable in this narrow-minded circle.

(photo: Shutterstock)

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  • Jessica Gottlieb

    I’m a mom, I’m a blogger, and I live a stone’s throw from that billboard.

    The mom who thought that her kids even cared about it is nuts… Ventura Blvd is lined with billboards of women with their tits hanging out and I promise you no children are being nursed.

    That being said, Gawker guy is a genius. He got all the moms to pay attention… it’s not like anyone smart would be reading his stuff if they weren’t bugged with him.

    • Lyz

      @Jessica You are onto something. Barring saying something of worth, picking a fight with moms is the best way to get traffic.

  • Kasandria Reasoner

    While I’ve never seen the billboard I agree with the mom who has something wrong with it to be nuts too. My kids have seen good billboards and billboards for sex stores, or strip clubs depending on what part of town we are driving by. Get a grip. Or as they say complain to your congressmen lol, but to say that there’s nothing worse than a mommy blogger is petty and asshole-ish. Pot meet kettle maybe?
    Kas at southernbellaswaystosave

  • Cee

    The billboard was offensive, but honestly, this is the first mommy blog I like, and even then I say it with a grain of salt. I don’t like mommy blogs because they find something wrong with everything…shweddy balls, rufflle pink shirts for girls and geek shirts for boys, breast feeding, bottle feeding, cosleeping, working mom, stay at home mom, day care, no day care, natural births, c sections..

    Moms, particularly those on mommy blogs make all women look bad because it reflects how non supportive and downright nasty they are about differences. The little issues that become outcries make them look like exaggerated crazies.

    Lastly…mommy blogs seem to not put an importance into growing as a person..intellectually. Everyone’s stuck talking about how much a bad person you are if you didn’t birth your baby in a pool in the presence of a hippie that mothers seem to be..irrational.

    • Lorie Shewbridge

      Well now you are generalizing… not ALL mommy bloggers are the way you describe them. I am a mom and I have a blog and a business. I agree with some of the things you listed and disagree with others but I would NEVER insult those who prefer the things I don’t. The way a parent choses to raise their child, as long as they are not physically assaulting them, is their own business and I have no reason to tell them any different. I can state my OPINION on my own blog, but I will never get into a fight or degrade or belittle someone who feels differently than I do.
      As for Gawker… he’s just an asshole!

  • Eileen

    As a mom and a blogger – but not a ‘mommy blogger’ – all I can say is Gawker guy is right. There is something petty and belittling about mommy bloggers, always fighting over breastfeeding or what kind of car seat is best. These are women at their absolute worst.

    Mommy bloggers are disdainful because they don’t show support for one another or display any kind of intelligent rapport. Instead they come across as hordes of clique-ish bitches who lack any real talent.

  • Steph

    Did you even read the article, or are you deliberately misinterpreting it?

  • Jen

    Wow. Some of the women responding to this sound like that group of teenage girls who like to impress boys by talking about what “bitches” all the other girls are and how awesome they are because they are totally not like that and they think girls are bitches too. Or those women who are all about how they hate feminists because they think women and men are different and doesn’t that make them so cool and edgy.

    Let’s admit that anyone who has ever read something like STFUParents can attest to the fact that some moms (and dads!) are completely insane and suffer from debilitating tunnel vision. But, parents are NOT the only group that has some fringe obsessives. In fact, I think you’d have trouble finding a group that DIDN’T have some members that made mountains out of mole hills and reacted inappropriately (hello JoPa supporters!) The fact is that mommy bloggers–those who blog mostly or solely about parenting issues–can and do have interesting things to say. Some of the stuff–like debates over car seats or tips for baby proofing–might only be important to those who are already parents; but there is plenty of stuff–like sexism and sexualization directed towards the toddler set that mommy bloggers have been at the forefront of discussing that should be important to anyone with “two firing synapses”.

  • Fabel

    I think it’s clear that the Gawker writer isn’t referring to any blogger who is a mother– it’s those particular kinds of bloggers (some on Cafemom jump to mind) who link every issue they write about back to their own motherhood, their own children, etc. It’s a cloying type of writing that tends to minimize large issues by being self-focused. The blog about the billboard exemplifies that specific type of “mommy” writing as well as a prevailing “think about the children!” attitude that most people find annoying and narrow-minded.

  • Nancy

    I agree with most of the comments.

    Maybe we should start a new term that umbrellas ALL of the overly critical, too-sensitive, crazy dramatic people who take offensive with absolutley everything. People try to generalize one type of person for this, whether it’s ‘mommy bloggers’ or whoever, but maybe instead of doing that we should just generalize them all as crazy/stupid people.

    How about Nitpick bloggers? What do you think?

    • Nancy

      I just reread my comment, and just to clarify: I’m in no one saying mommy bloggers are all crazy people. I’m saying SOME are, as well as SOME single people, or SOME people in every profession or, so on. Hope you get my point here!

  • Lainey

    I think the point Koa is trying to make is not about whether the billboard was appropriate or not, but that she is frustrated by the generalizations and negative connotations of moms that blog. Yes there are plenty of “people” who unfortunately have a platform from which to spew their unnecessary and narcissistic opinions, but isn’t that the case with extremists in general. The writer is unfairly generalizing a group of into a specific category when really he should be commenting on the extremists in this group or more importantly that specific woman. It’s an unfair stereotype and although it isn’t terribly damaging on the surface, does it not on a deeper level contain a hint of sexism that unfortunately still exists in our society?

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  • Laura

    I’m confused. If you don’t have children, how can you be a mommy blogger?

  • I

    “seperate” is not a word.

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  • B girl

    @Jessica– you are correct– Gawker tries hard to be obnoxious just to get people to read their crap writing. imo they are not worth anyone’s time and certainly not worth getting worked up over.

  • motherwarsaren’tover

    The sort of mommyblogger that I think Gawker is targeting is the kind that troubles me…it’s a weird way of defining feminism that I’ve seen a lot lately — mostly among women with a post-secondary education, for some reason. They have gotten degrees, used to be professionals, now have children, and are trying to figure out who they are now that their environment has been restricted. Unfortunately, with quite a few notable exceptions, their blogs don’t help them present themselves as women with interests outside their children and how they have enriched their own lives, outlooks on life, etc. It gives those of us who have children but who do not choose to define ourselves solely BY those children a very uncomfortable feeling a lot of the time. And we avoid them.

    It’s like an internet version of the neighbor who can only talk about her family and never seems to have opinions on anything else. A lot of mommyblogging topics involve child products, the awesomeness of their children…not to mention pinterest (recipes, diets, home furnishings). There seems to be an almost frantic need to identify motherhood as something empowering and sacred, to the point that mothers often present themselves as having special insights into culture and life itself. This redefinition of feminists as women who have chosen to dedicate themselves to their families seems at odds with the ideals of the feminist movement. Do have children and a career. Stay home with the children if you like — I did, until the youngest was 2 1/2. But if you limit your blogging to pictures of your children and crafts with your children and recipes for your children and products for your children, you shouldn’t be surprised if you get pigeonholed.

    I spent a great deal of my time telling my relatives and close friends about how amazing my children were when they were young. I also spent a great deal of time with other mothers, since we had a lot in common and very similar interests. Those people understood my obsessions and tolerated them, and eventually I moved beyond them. I wonder if the lack of such options and/or the availability of an internet platform have combined to produce the generic mommyblogger.

    I am uncomfortable, by the way, with the fact that I am writing a comment that seems to be denigrating something that is almost entirely female-dominated. As a feminist, I try to avoid gender stereotypes — in this case, though, there is a demographic of women who embrace the stereotype and want to recast it as empowering. As a result, we are encouraging a school of thought that sees women as perfectly happy at home with children and homemaking chores. Some women are, but a lot of us aren’t. And the reinforcing of that school of thought on the internet is making it harder on the rest of us — and it makes the likes of James Dobson, Rush Limbaugh, Rick Santorum, and Rick Perry feel that they were right after all.