• Wed, Nov 9 2011

From Meh To MILF: How To Get Your Body Back For the Holidays

One of my Facebook friends, a new-ish mom, wrote the following status update earlier today:

My exercise class made me contemplate if my personality is good enough not to lose the baby weight.

I died! She’s being tongue-in-cheek, of course, but this pretty much sums up how all moms feel at one point or another. We want to shed the baby weight but suddenly hitting the gym five times per week (post-work, pre-cocktails) is virtually impossible. Even eating healthily can be a challenge with little ones running around and endless birthday cakes calling out your name. (I’m the queen of ordering a salad with dressing on the side, then devouring my child’s entire plate of french fries.)

So what’s a mom to do? For busy moms – and show me a mom who isn’t swamped with responsibility – the key is finding something that’s going to kick-start a healthy new lifestyle and then taking it from there. Easier said than done, I know. But given that the number one complaint I hear from my mom friends 17 times a week is “I just want my old body back,” I’ve decided to do some research into how to accomplish just that.

So, without further ado, here are some tried, tested and true ways to go from ‘meh‘ to MILF:

Detox Your Bod  I always just assumed that juice cleanses were, well, gimmicky – ’til I witnessed a close friend try one. Turns out it’s actually the perfect solution for time-starved moms because you don’t need to shop/prepare/think. Lots of companies out there will deliver the week’s worth of juices to your front door, so all you need to do is chug away and pray that the caffeine withdrawal doesn’t turn you into Mommie Dearest. On day three of her cleanse, our Mommyish guinea pig felt lighter and more clear-headed than she had in ages, her skin was glowing, and – here’s the best part – she’s been craving healthy foods ever since.[tagbox tag="MILF"]

Bend It Like Bikram  I searched far and wide for the hottest fitness craze that’s fun and easy and that burns calories like there’s no tomorrow. But I had little luck. So instead I’m recommending Bikram Yoga – a series of two sets of 26 postures and two breathing exercises that take place in an 105-degree room. Celeb moms ranging from Gwen Stefani to Jessica Alba swear by this grueling, 90-minute workout – and so do I. Trust me: as someone who has endured my fair share of spin/boxing/boot-camp/gravity-training classes, I can tell you first-hand that Bikram will give you your old body back (only better). To be sure, you’ll sweat your ass off in a way you never thought possible. But it works! Mental clarity. Hot bod. Happy mom.

Freeze Away Fat  I’ll admit it: I have an umbilical hernia that’s kind of gross – it came after the birth of my first child – and so I keep thinking that when the time comes to have it fixed I’ll add in a tummy tuck for good measure. Then reality hits and I think, Oh, wait, I don’t want major surgery – I don’t like the risks involved and I certainly don’t want to be knocked out for weeks at a time. But that doesn’t mean I’m not open to noninvasive procedures that would help to reduce fat in those problem areas (moms, you know the ones – muffin top, anyone?). CoolScultping, for instance, uses an applicator to target, cool and eliminate fat cells without damaging your skin. In other words, the FDA-cleared procedure gets rid of surface fat in a painless, non-surgical way (no knife, suction hose, needles or lasers). And it only takes an hour, which means you can sneak out on your lunch break or, better yet, while your mother-in-law‘s visiting the grandkids. Results can be seen as early as three weeks following treatment, with the most dramatic results after two months.

Be Detail-Oriented  Sometimes it’s the little things that can make all the difference when it comes to elevating our confidence levels. Which is why a killer manicure can make or break you (greys are hot for fall; we’re loving Galion by NARS). Or even a spray-on tan can work magic (people swear it gives them instant arm definition). Ditto a fresh new haircut or fall highlights. Yes, it’s hard to take “me” time while in constant mommy mode but trust us when we say it’s worth it. A confident/relaxed mom is happy mom and the ol’ cliche is true: Happy moms make for happy kids.

(Photo: Stockbyte)

This post was sponsored by CoolSculpting.

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  • Lisa

    “Observations of permanent fat loss in children who habitually sucked on popsicles lead to the description of cryolipolyis, the specific elimination of treated fat tissue.”

    (from: http://www.drfechner.com/coolsculpting-zeltiq.htm)

    Ah, CoolSculpting. Pioneered by kids with popsicles.

  • Lola

    That’s right ladies. If you aren’t creating bon3rs everywhere you go you’re worthless! Worthless!

    • Tina

      Agreed. The title is misogynistic, heterosexist and a little degrading.

    • Tiarao

      Degrading? How pessimistic of you. Instead of getting the message you just literally judged a book by its cover. I wish women were more educated instead of throwing around words such as, misogynistic, sexist, and even anti-feminist. How abused the First amendment is today.

    • Tiara

      It’s not about creating boners. You should open your mind. It’s about “feeling” hot. And getting your body healthy. If your ok with your body feeling and looking unhealthy that’s your perogative, but she trying to motivate women not to feel “blah” but like a “MILF!” instead of downing other women who are trying to educate and motivate others, you should get a hobby and get off your high horse. How reductive.

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  • Tiara

    How liberating! Thank you for the tips! Sometimes I get into the swing of things and I feel unattractive but I know installing self confidence in myself little by little is the key! Thank you!!!!