• Fri, Nov 4 2011

When Grandparents Pick Favorites, Everybody Loses

There are two types of parents in the world: those who admit to having a favorite child, and those who find the idea preposterous. I go back and forth between the two. I love my girls with all my heart but on some days I like one more than the other. There, I said it. But here’s the thing: I would never let my children know this. Ever! I treat them with equal respect and love no matter what. If only that were the case with their grandparents.

Lately, I’ve noticed my own parents picking favorites when it comes to their grandchildren. Like the time last week when my father told my younger daughter, “Honey, I’m sorry I was out of town for your birthday. Is there something special you want to do this weekend – just the two of us?” My 7-year-old’s eyes lit up and they made some sort of plan (I think it involved hot dogs and mini-golf). We never firmed up an exact date and time but the understanding was that he’d call on the weekend and that I should keep Saturday open. And so I did.

Next thing you know, the day has passed and no word from my dad (he’s not answering his cell phone, either). Meanwhile, my sister calls to chat; she tells me she’s chilling out at home alone since her 9-year-old son is seeing a movie and then sleeping over at our parents’ house. “What?!” I ask incredulously, and I fill her in on our plan (or non-plan, as it were). She feels terrible, of course, but it has nothing to do with her and so I don’t blame her one bit. Instead, I’m just irritated with my father, who made and then broke a promise to my 7-year-old in favor of having his 9-year-old grandson spend the night. (It’s no secret that this boy – our family’s first-born grandchild – is his favorite. It’s been that way since the start.)

I don’t make a big deal but, several days later, I share this story with a friend of mine. She has two girls, both in their early 20s, and she tells me how her 23-year-old’s grandma picked her up the other day to buy a birthday present. While the child – we’ll call her Jess – was grateful, she could see that her grandma didn’t really want to be there – that this whole grandma/granddaughter birthday-lunch-and-present afternoon was more out of obligation than anything else. The grandma seemed rushed and distant.

But here’s the real heartbreaking part: Jess told her mom, “You know what? If this was Mia’s birthday [her little sister], grandma would have picked out the perfect gift, wrapped it in fancy paper and brought it over with a big smile on her face. She always does it perfectly for Mia. It’s always been that way.” My friend was crushed but she didn’t even bother sugarcoating the situation since Jess was absolutely right; it was clear to everyone that Mia’s the favorite. Always has been, always will be.

So the big question is: What’s a mom to do? Should she confront the grandparent or just leave it be? And, what comes first: honoring your parents or protecting your children? Usually I’d say the latter, but when it comes to hurt feelings vs. any type of true danger, should you just stay out of it?

I eventually told my own father, “You screwed up.” This was around the time my little girl remembered that, Wait a minute, I was supposed to play mini-golf with grandpa this weekend! He didn’t really offer up an explanation, half-apologized, then promised they’d do it another time. I’m not holding my breath.

Other friends have shared similar frustrations. One mom is particularly torn because her parents are always offering to take the eldest out for the day but they never offer to take the younger ones, and they’re starting to catch on. My friend has no idea what to tell them. It’s one thing to see for yourself that the grandparents are picking favorites; it’s another thing altogether when the kids start to take notice. That’s when things get sticky.

And, really, it’s no fun having to make up excuses on behalf of your own parents. They should know better.

(Photo: Jupiterimages)

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  • abc

    I feel your pain. This is happening in our family right now and it absolutely breaks my heart. My oldest, who is a wonderful kid, but not charming or eager to please, often gets over looked for her more sunny-natured cheerful younger sister by one grandma. Another grandma favours one cousin out of five so obviously it’s painful. Other grandparents to their credit make more of an effort to keep things more balanced and look for the good in every child. But I find this stuff really hard to watch and hard to deal with.

  • Andrea

    I have read about these situations several times. I think it’s probably true in most cases that the grandparents pick a “favorite” out of nowhere.

    But I want to pose another possible explanation, without getting slammed please. I wonder if it is possible that these were the types of parents that had to control access to the kids when they were babies so they could “bond”. I wonder if it is possible that the parents didn’t insist on the toddler being polite to grandma and insist that he had to give her a hug/kiss..or did they just make excuses and say “oh he’s shy, he needs time, he’s uncomfortable”. I wonder if parents allowed overnights when the kids were little and cuddly and cute.

    Sometimes I wonder if it isn’t the parent’s own doing that grandparents just don’t feel close to the grandchild. Those things I mentioned hurt older people and maybe they don’t want to make the effort and get rejected.

    Think about it.

    • RighttoWorkMom

      I actually think this is fair in many (but not all) cases. Our out-of-state relatives have not had nearly the time and bonding with our daughter that my dad and stepmom have had. They clearly favor their local grandchildren, and that’s okay with me. I think one of their local children perpetuates it (telling the grandparents that they need to spend more time with their kids even when my daughter is only in town for a few days), but I’ve made our bed, and we’ll lay in it. My dad and stepmom more than make up for it.

      However, I don’t think it can be that easily explained when the grandchildren are siblings and one is favored over the other. We are in the process of adopting a child of another race, and we’ve made no secret the fact that our children must be treated equally. If anyone is unable or unwilling to treat our adoptive child the same as our biological daughter, they should say goodbye to our biological daughter now. I won’t allow people to treat my children that way.

    • Andrea

      No it doesn’t explain it when it’s one sibling over the other. But I’ve seen it happen amongst cousins. When that happens, I think that it might be wise to look at our own actions.

      For instance. My own children were always very close to their grandparents because I encouraged one on one time, I encouraged drop in visits, sleep overs, phone calls, hugs, kisses, etc since they were very little. My sister did not and she has those type of children that won’t talk or look much less hug anyone that’s not their parents. So yes, my parents spend more time with my kids than my sisters. Like you said, I think she made her own bed.

  • Brandy

    We’re going through this in my own family too. And I’m going to call BS on the whole idea of the parents causing the grandparents to pick the favorite. I have 2 daughters and my oldest is clearly my in-laws’ favorite. She looks more like my husband’s side of the family and she’s doted on much more than my younger daughter. It’s disgusting. At this point (my daughters are 7 and 5), we’ve let it go because we feel that it’s their relationship. It is very hard to watch and I’m dreading the day when my 5-year-old catches on to what’s happening.

  • Sandra

    We are going through the same thing – my parents had agreed to come on a trip with us and our only child who is 5 and whom they see once a year at best. They bailed at the last second and ended up a month later going on a trip with their other grandchildren whom they see weekly. Luckily, our daughter didn’t really figure it out.

    Another time two years ago we were celebrating Christmas with them and our daughter’s stocking was almost empty while the other grandkids’ stockings were filled to the brim. At three, she DID notice.

    I haven’t said anything but I do not mention their planned visits until the flights are booked and they are definitely coming.

    My mother comes from a long line of moms who split their affections – one kid is the favoured one and one isn’t. It isn’t fair at all to my daughter.

  • CW

    I was my grandmother’s favorite and I feel really bad for my brothers and cousins about it. I was the only biological granddaughter and while I think it would’ve annoyed my mom and aunts if my grandma had favored the 2 granddaughters over the 8 grandsons, it absolutely broke my aunt’s heart that her adopted daughter was slighted as well. My cousin was just as much part of the family as the biological grandchildren and it was wrong of my grandma to treat her differently.

    • mischa

      My parents always knew that my grandparents had faves, looked in the other direction when my cousins were hurting us.
      My dad gives my aunts and cousins a lot of money.
      My mom has never confronted my aunts and uncles about there misbehavior.

      Its bad enough that my grand parents had favorites, but for my mom and and dad to not acknowledge that is worse.
      Such behavior depletes confidence and scars children for life.

  • Ashleigh

    @ Andrea : I don’t feel that reasoning is true at all. I have tried and tried and tried to get my mother in law to watch or have a fun day with my son since he was a baby but refuses. She always says he’s too young, funny thing is one of her favourites is only 2 months older than he is! It is heartbreaking to see her always being chosen over my son. Now that he is 3 and a half, he notices too. He always says “How come she can go to grandmas but I can’t?” Holidays, birthdays etc. are the worse too. Not that im asking for tons of gifts for my child, not at all. But he notices when his 2 cousins that are the favourite of grandmas get mounds of gifts at Christmas and Easter and he barely has 2 gifts to open and pretty much nothing in his stocking. Easter was the hardest this past year because the favourites had like 10 things to open and he got one. ONE! The poor thing was so sad. Like I said, it’s not like I care if he gets tons of gifts, but of course children can notice the difference like that. Im at a loss at what to do about the situation. Luckily my parents are great and make up for it, but why should my son only have a relationship with one set of grandparents?

    • Andrea

      I’m not saying it’s true all the time. I’m just saying that sometimes they may be better explanations other than grandparents are jerks.

  • Sass

    Oh man I so feel the pain here! My dad is recently remarried and his wife has been in our lives for over ten years. I am the only one of my dad’s kids who has given him not one, but two, grandchildren (one girl age 3, one boy age 2). On his wife’s side of the family, her youngest son has given her a grandson and her daughter is about to give birth to a little girl any day now. Despite the fact that they live in the house I grew up in, not even five minutes away from where we live now, we very rarely see or hear from them. Meanwhile Dad’s wife’s grandson (who is about 6 months younger than my son) is over there at least once a week, playing with the toys I gave to my dad to keep over there when my kids are supposed to visit. His photos are ALL over the house while our kids’ ONE photo is relegated to a bookshelf at knee level. Yet they expect me to believe that they don’t play favorites. Give me a break! This is how it is with my stepsiblings too – her kids get incredible piles of gifts every Christmas, and my brothers and I get pajamas from Kohl’s. My father has taken to secretly purchasing gifts for/spending time with my kids with money his wife is apparently not aware of, and he always says “Don’t let her know I gave you these or she’ll freak out.” But she can buy her grandchildren anything she likes, anytime she pleases, and doesn’t “hide” it from anyone. She wants to claim my kids as her grandkids, but she doesn’t treat them like they’re hers. At my daughter’s baby shower, they bought me some bathtime soaps and a onesie that was on clearance from Wal Mart. I didn’t even receive a gift from them for my son when he was born. And at my step nephew’s shower, they bought him a crib! And my step niece received a full bath set – infant tub, organic bath products, first aid kit, etc. I know it sounds incredibly shallow to compare gifts but it’s just another way of showing whose kids are more valued, no matter what they say. As the cliche goes, actions speak louder than words!

    • Andrea

      It is not shallow. I know it sounds like it is a complaint about “stuff” but it isn’t. It’s about affections. I know exactly what you mean.

    • ABC

      That’s a “step” family for you. Not blood related = no affection/jealous of you/wish you were never born. I’ve suffered the hurt growing up and I’ll be darned if I’ll let my dad’s current wife do that to my son.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      I’m sorry to jump on this here, but please, don’t generalise us step families.

      I have stepchildren and treat them as my own flesh and blood. I would lay down and die for my kids, and I do call them “my kids”.

      My mother, father and my own stepmother all spoil the kids rotten, buying them presents for Christmas and their birthdays despite their dad saying my family don’t have to.

      “Not blood related = no affection/jealous of you/wish you were never born.”

      I’m so sorry you had such a terrible time, but we’re not all that bad.
      My own stepmother treated myself and my brother like her very own, and when my sis came along, that never changed. She raised me to love kids no matter what or who they were born from, and that’s been passed to me in regards to my own kids.

      I am sorry you had it rough, but please, we’re not all that bad. =)

  • Heidi

    I know of situations very much like this. Sometimes there is a good reason like travel and distance. My grandma always bought my cousins more expensive birthday and christmas gifts because she lived with us and bought us just because gifts quite frequently!. I worry sometimes that the other grandkids will feel jealous of my own kids because they have both sets of grandparents close by and are the only grandkids that live here. But that isn’t real favoritism. What the author is talking about is unforgivable.

    I know this person who favours his grandson so much that he is actually aloof to his four granddaughters. They are half afraid f him because he can be quite cranky. And he gives fits to his grandson in front of the grandson’s sister even!

  • Heidi

    gifts* not fits

  • Becca

    I can say from experience that being the least favorite grandchild is absolutely awful. Since i was 12, my dad’s parents have had little affection for me. Over the years, it’s turned from criticism about me to my dad (usually where I could see or hear it) to outright dislike. It got to the point where they tried to ban me from the reunion (my parents defended me) and instead just banned me from their condo.

    I have a complicated and tense relationship with my dad. His enabling this behavior over the years led me to disconnect from his parents completely. I didn’t even care when my grandfather died. So my point to other parents: say something. Stand up for the unfavored child. Because we do notice and it really hurts… Until we’re just indifferent.

  • Kelly

    I understand completely. I was the one who was always looked over as a child. My sibs claim that I have “middle child syndrome” But even my dad agreed with me before he died that it was true… I was over looked. Now as an adult it’s the same thing with the grandkids. My mother babysits my younger sisters kids so much that they almost live with her. They spend the night with her all the time as well. My two boys rarely spend the night with her and when they do… their cousins are there for the night as well. They never get time alone with her. It’s the same with my husbands parents too. they always have the his sisters girl…. but never our two boys. I make sure our boys get equal love from both me and my husband. To make up for the fact that their grandparents are lacking in it.

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  • Kate

    My parents have 1 favorite grandchild out of the 7 they have. They have unfortunately missed out on a relationship with the other 6 who at this point (all grown now) could care less if they see them or not. Too bad for them, they really missed out!

  • Nicole

    Okay guys… I was the favourite grandchild…but it actually sucked!

    My cousin and I (I was the youngest grandkid and he was the only grandson) were totally favoured by my grandmother until she died. She used to ‘rent’ my room whenever she came to my parent’s house- she’d give me $20 and dote on me but didn’t do anything like that for my older sister! I always felt really guilty when we were at my cousins’ house with all the grandkids- I knew that Alex and I were the favourites and I knew that everyone else knew as well! We were teased and even kind of ostracized one Christmas by our other cousins… not that I blame them one bit!

    My sister was (still is!) the favourite grandchild on my dad’s side of the family, though. At least we both ‘got’ to have that experience…?

    I am so hoping that my parents don’t pull that stuff with our kids (when we have them someday- my sister is due any minute now for Baby #1!!!!)!

  • d2

    Been there and it doesn’t go away when the kids get into adulthood. Second marriage for both of us, each of brought kids into the marriage and we had one together. All are in their 20′s now. In laws (including childless, divorced, middle-aged sister in law) make it clear by actions, sometimes by words, who matters–oldest daughter (now with son in law, granddaughter, and 2d grandchild coming.) They have visited her in four states she’s lived in, but won’t go to see the two youngest, who live in the SAME college town oldest daughter did (and where they visited HER frequently.) In the past they have taken HER and friends on trips, “helped” her with a car in college (after we said no), and more. To visit their home is to see a photographic history of the oldest daughter/son in law/granddaughters’ lives, with one to two photos of the others located out of the way. The younger ones, bless them, are still very positive about their grandparents, but feel the pain nonetheless. I’ve only spoken privately with my wife about this, but the day to speak WAY up is approaching fast.

  • Meee

    I agree. Im posting here and Im only 12. Basically, my grandmother drives me, my mum and my sister to school, because my dad works constantly and mum cant drive.
    In the car, my grandmother talks constantly about my 3 year old cousin,Keiran, and im feeling it alot. I’m sick to death of her talking and favoring him.
    Its been this way for over a year.
    Im saying on behalf of all the un-favored ones, its awful. I have even noticed my 9 year old sister groaning and rolling her eyes when my grandmother starts. Its disgraceful. When I be a grandfather(if i will be, i do not know) I will treat my kids and my grandkids the same. Everyone is equal,Liz, not just Keiran.

  • Candy

    Me & my child live at home with my parents. Because we are a household we do things together. This causes a lot of jealousy & problems between me & my siblings as they feel my child is the favourite grandchild & there’s are left out. However it’s not my sons fault he lives with his grandparents & I feel when all the kids are together my son is singled out & can do no right. The kids clearly have favourite cousins & I feel this is due to the negativity they hear or see from there parent towards my son. One of my sons cousins actually said they favoured there other cousin over my son coz my son is a different race. When the kids are all together the grandparents treat them all equal. They are only more involved with my son because he lives with them. What would they like them to do ignore him?

  • Andrea

    My mother in law favors her first grandson in a very obvious way since the very beginning. Luckily the kids still don’t notice it since her “golden grandson” is a one year old and my daughter is a newborn. But I have noticed that when BIL’s wife was pregnant the woman kept buying expensive gifts for her baby throughout her entire pregnancy, whilst when I was pregnant she didn’t get anything. Then when she gave birth, MIL bought more fancy stuff for the child (clothes, toys, etc), but when I gave birth she got my child 4 pieces of FAKE clothes and told FIL who wanted to buy the baby’s stroller not to buy it…oh and on a laughing note, the woman as a gift started to ask her friends to DONATE their kids’ old baby clothes to us..wtf? lmfao, she totally lost it.
    Honestly I don’t see this getting any better.

  • xpressgirl

    I have seen this in my family and it is plain wrong. The grandparents who favored one grandchild over the rest hurt everyone. We were forced to go to their funerals and everyone was telling us we had the best grandparents?? I told one lady that I didn’t see them except for holidays. She was shocked and walked away. Didn’t shed one tear.

  • mearcatt

    no kids in our house, yet, but my inlaws already do this. they hate the first daughter in law and take it out on her child, who is the first grandchild, number 2 came along last year and number 3 is right behind, both from the same set of parents and my inlaws gush over them and even post on facebook who the favorite is. it truly makes me sick. i finally couldnt hold it in anymore and said something to them. i am protective of children i dont even have yet because i want to know where they will be ‘ranked’ since the favoritism is so blatant. they dont even try to hide it. what was the response? “i’m glad i could help you get that off your chest, i hope you feel better.” well, i feel better having decided you will have no relationship with my children, thank you for making it easy.

  • Upset

    Sadly I have a MIL that favors her ‘perfect’ granddaughter from her perfect daughter. She favored the daughter over my husband (her son) since they day they were born. My husband admits it and accepts it. I hate it. All my kids hear about is how good ‘granddaughter’ is and what awards she wins and how talented she is (my kids are very talented artists as well, one is graduating from art school!). MIL even has ‘perfect’ granddaughter bring her prom dress over to house so she can get someone to hem it. They live 1 1/2 away!! They can’t find someone in their own town??? really?? Now its on to colleges. While ‘pgd aka perfect granddaughter) is accepted to prestigious art schools that’s all we hear about. Oh and my daughter is graduating with her MFA this spring and then on to get her teaching degree. My MIL had the nerve to tell her that she would celebrate her graduation when she gets her teaching certificate (in a year) What??? Are you FOR REAL?????!!!! What a disappointment!!! She celebrated her ‘perfect grandsons’ graduation even though he’s going on to graduate school. Oh bother, I’m just upset. Have been for 24 years. It’s really sad too because my mom passed away 15 years ago so she never really got to know my kids. I never got the ‘you are doing a great job with these kids!’.
    Did I mention that when we used to ask if she could watch the kids she would always say no she was busy until FIL (whom I really like) steps in and says they can watch them. BUT she has always watched ‘pgd’ whenever it was needed. If I had it to do all over again, I’d move far away and just not care what she thinks. hmm..Maybe I will move far away. Like a remote island.

    • Sara

      I completely understand how you feel. Know matter what I do or accomplish my grandma still likes my “perfect” cousin (troublemaker and high school dropout) more. Luckily for me my mom’s parents were wonderful grandparents. Sadly neither will see me graduate college, get married, have kids etc. My grandma has ALS and my grandfather recently passed. Things may have been different if they weren’t sick, but I know that they loved me unconditionally and would have done anything to support me in whatever I wanted and been at every milestone in my life. Because that’s what they did until they couldn’t any longer.

      Your mother I’m sure would have loved spending more time with your kids. I am sure she was proud of you and them. Some people just have a different way of showing it.

  • Sara

    I completely understand. My cousin Brody has always been the favorite. He is a month older then me and gets himself into so much trouble. I on the other hand have never done a thing in my life- no detentions, no curse words, nothing. I always got better grades and did more activities. (We are 20 now btw.) But, my Grandma still loves him more. Its clear to see. She even decided to go to her book club instead of my high school graduation. I still to this day am upset with that one. Even though I acknowledge this and it’s clear, it still hurts. Thinking that this person will never love you as much as they could is heartbreaking sometimes. I try to remember that it’s her lose. Also, I try to have hope that one day it will change. Whether it does or not, I know my parents love me and I love myself, which really is all that matters.

    Nevertheless, it is a sticky situation and one that will always be hard on children. Being there for them and loving them unconditionally is all I think a person really can do.

  • Sara

    I completely understand. My cousin Brody has always been the favorite. He is a month older then me and gets himself into so much trouble. I on the other hand have never done a thing in my life- no detentions, no curse words, nothing. I always got better grades and did more activities. (We are 20 now btw.) But, my Grandma still loves him more. Its clear to see. She even decided to go to her book club instead of my high school graduation. I still to this day am upset with that one. Even though I acknowledge this and it’s clear, it still hurts. Thinking that this person will never love you as much as they could is heartbreaking sometimes. I try to remember that it’s her lose. Also, I try to have hope that one day it will change. Whether it does or not, I know my parents love me and I love myself, which really is all that matters.

    Nevertheless, it is a sticky situation and one that will always be hard on children. Being there for them and loving them unconditionally is all I think a person really can do.

  • Sara

    I am 20 now and lived with my mom’s parents for 14 years. (3-16) My grandparents always loved us equally as I could see it. All of my cousins knew them 10 years or so longer than us. So I think it was fair. Though, when my grandfather passed in January I couldn’t help but feel that my brother and I would miss them the most of all the grandkids. We grew up with them and they really were like second parents. I think that your siblings are upset because they want their kids to spend more time with them and are jealous that you see them everyday and your child spends the most time with them. What they will never understand is how hard that can be on you. My mom essentially lost years of her life caring for her parents when they lived with us. It was stressful for her and her siblings were always telling her she had to do more. But, they would never know how much she truly did.

    In my opinion who cares what your siblings say. You live with them. Case closed. Clearly things are going to be different for your child. If they have a problem with it then they should visit more/ plan more time with them. Its not your problem. And I think every child has a favorite cousin. I know I do. It doesn’t mean that you don’t like the others, just that you get along with and relate to one more. I don’t think it should be an issue. Some people just click better.

  • aly84

    gosh things are certainly getting worse the great grandma is part of it too!! She’s evil seriously she takes toys away from my kids that belong to my brother in laws kid btw I caught my father in law doing the same just a few days ago… Yesterday the great grandma yelled at my little girl for opening their refrigerator telling her she had no business in it … My little girl was so sad I’m seriously sick of it what consoles me is that were moving far and won’t have to deal with these situations again!!! But must admit it really hurts

  • Jane901

    I’ve hear this topic talked about on radio. The recommendation is to have your child the
    one that is not favored to ask Grandma or Grandpa about it and for the child to tell Grandma or Grandpa how it makes them feel.

  • Sammy

    I understand and am going through the same thing with my parents. They say it is because my step sister and her child live with them. However even when all the children are together she is the only child they pay attention to. My father even ignored his own 2 month old blood related grandchild while screaming and crying to comfort his step grandchild who is 3 years old. In a way im glad it wasn’t my kids, because they have ruined the 3 year old to the point that no one can stand her tantrums. All I can say is that’s life, and I don’t need my parents in order to show my children love.Yes it is very sad but I am an adult and I am proud to provide my children with everything they want or need without help, it’s all I can do. If my sister has no shame living off her parents and allowing them to dominate her motherhood, she isn’t really gaining anything from the favoritism either. Her poor child is 3 and wont ask for a thing, this child screams at you if she even sees you eat something she wants. When she does that my dad runs to her and picks her up and gives her whatever she wants…Yeah like I said I do have complaints about the favoritism however it turned the favorite kid into a little bit of a brat in this case. More than a little bit actually. So im glad its not my kids acting like that…its really embarrassing!

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  • Lynn

    It is heartbreaking. As the 3rd out of 4 girls, I knew I wasn’t the favorite or the most “needy” and was easily forgotten. As adults we have suffered a great loss when our dad died and everything and everyone fell apart. In the last month our mother made a point to be at 2 of her granddaughters birthdays!, it was high priority! Tonight was my daughter’s 7th birthday and no one even called to wish her a happy birthday. Bottom line, It is much more painful to see your child sad because Grammie didn’t even call!

  • Danncass

    I’m 16 and my grandparents (particularly my grandmother) have favoured my older brother over me my entire life. She has not his it at all, and often confronts me about things that are beyond my control. She has even said to me before when I was about 8 that I was the reason that my mum and dad split up…when I was less that two at the time… I say to parents say something, because I’ve been plagued with this my entire life and it’s horrible. I feel like I can even go out with my family because they just won’t say something, and that, in my eyes, is like them saying they agree with her. I love my mum, don’t get me wrong, but I feel like it has gone too far, and now it’s too late for her to say anything, but growing up without a dad and with my own family blaming me for it and finding any opportunity to argue with me to show how awful I am to my mum is the worst thing in the world and I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy.

    • Danncass

      And also, my brother knows full well that he is the favoured one, the golden boy, and he uses this to his advantage all of the time, and uses it to manipulate my grandmother into hating me and giving him anything he wants

    • Danncass

      And also, my brother knows full well that he is the favoured one, the golden boy, and he uses this to his advantage all of the time, and uses it to manipulate my grandmother into hating me and giving him anything he wants

  • Cherries

    My grandma does things like this all the time. She nit picks at me about everything how I’m dressed, what kind of music I listen too, and the fact that I am not following the latest trends. But my cousins who don’t do anything for her she won’t say anything to them. At Christmas time they each got $50.00 and I got $25.00. We have a home movie from another Christmas when I was 4 or 5 and she was singling me out for being “bad” and “uncontrollable” while the same cousins were doing the same things and she just brushed it off.

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    My husbands sister, Sue, married my first cousin, thus, making our children double cousins. At any rate, my husband, Reece, wasn’t the favorite of his mother’s 6 children. However, Sue was one of the two favorites. SO, needless to say, our kids weren’t the favorites but Sue’s kids are. Now, to make matters worse. Sue only lives about 7 houses up the street from us. Reece’s mom, who’d done too many horrible, heartbreaking and incredibly evil things where her grandkids are concerned to count, would even go up the road to get Wayne, Sue’s son who is the same age as our daughter Syndey, and take him to school passing my house where my Sydney was waiting on the bus. She would wave at Sydney…WAVE AT HER…on the way past our house! That would have been horrible enough if the kids were simply at the same school. But, not only were they at the same school, they were in the same grade and in the same room!!! YES, my mother-in-law would let my daughter ride the bus and then walk in with Wayne! Most days, my head would spin around and I’d take her myself making it a point NOT to speak to the old Battle Ax. As I said, that is only one of many, many, many unbelieveable stories. I could write and book on the horrors of having a horrible mother-in-law picking her favorite grandkids. But, after my children got bigger, they saw for themsevlves what a COW she is. I am glad. They dont have to go on what I say. They saw it first hand. And, now that she is elderly, they have no love or desire to see her. My husband dealt with that since he was a child and he swears that he wont shed a tear when she passes away. He has nothing to cry for. Neither will out children. And, now having two grandkids of our own, I can’t imagine loving one more than the other. Even if I did, I’d never be as obvious and hurtful as she was. She deserves the way my family feels and she deserves to rot in Hell for all the tears I have seen her cause my kids and my neices and nephews cry…well, the ones who weren’t the favorites.