STFU Parents: Five Reasons Not To Discuss Your Child Potty Training On Facebook

Of all the types of parent overshare that exist, updates about potty training might be the most ubiquitous. Even my own news feed, which thankfully doesn’t have many examples of overshare, has been known to feature a sprinkling of potty training updates. I think the reason for this is two-fold: First, parents get really sick of wiping their little munchkin’s ass every day. And not just every day, as all you parents out there know, but multiple times a day. Diapers are a drag, and cleaning up poop is no one’s idea of a good time (and if it, then please just keep that information to yourself).

That leads me to my second point, which is that when kids finally get the hang of potty training, it’s cause for major celebration on the parents’ end. High-fiving, toasting with champagne and going out to a nice meal are all in the cards, and deservedly so. Knowing that from here on out your kid is going to consciously use a toilet is a great achievement for both parents and kids. But just because it’s a wonderful achievement that may or may not culminate in throwing your kid a “potty party” doesn’t mean your friends want to know about it. Especially on Facebook. Here are some reasons why:

1. The Sound

I don’t know what “fizz fizz” means (nor do I want to), but I can say for certain that no parent should quote the sound of his or her child’s poop, even as reported by the child. Keep that special secret between the two of you. Also, the word “plop” is just gross.

2. Baby Talk

What’s worse than stumbling upon your friend’s wacky Facebook update about her toddler potty training? Realizing that it’s written in baby talk. Sure, this parent doesn’t actually trade out her r’s for w’s, but her rambling run-on sentence, followed up with a “whoo wee :-)” just makes me want to hit the bottle. The whiskey bottle. And did we need to know that her daughter “strained” the eighth time? Good god, no.

3. Details

To steal a line from Melissa, I feel parents’ pain. Potty training can be a frustrating time. But you know what else can be frustrating? Hearing about it in excruciating detail. The highs, the lows, the prizes, the accidents, the “airing out”….these are all details that just should be discussed away from Facebook. And the “small stain in his underwear” bit would potentially warrant a de-friend from me. Sorry, Melissa, but if you’re this close to scaring MY bowels, then we probably don’t need to be Facebook friends anymore.

4. Facebook Is Not a Diary

This submission strikes me as a true symbol of how some parents view Facebook. It’s essentially an online journal, diary, “firsts” book and scrapbook all in one. And that is not the purpose of Facebook (by my estimation, at least). Not to mention, I don’t think Blue’s comment was meant to be interpreted favorably, considering that knowing smiley face. I’m pretty sure that was Blue’s nice way of saying, “Stop talking.” My version involves fewer smiley faces and more expletives.

5. Potty Pics

I currently have 25+ submissions that resemble this one. Actually, one-third of the submissions look like this, another third are pictures of smiling kids standing next to a poop-filled toilet, and the final third are just plain embarrassing pictures of kids sitting on the potty and looking everything from elated to horrified. Despite what some parents may say, I do not believe that every parent should have a “potty pic.” But if you must take one for memory purposes, please, for the love of Febreeze, don’t put it on Facebook.

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  • Bronc Drywall

    The “fizz fizz” line comes from the old Alka-Seltzer commercial.

    • STFU Parents

      I know it’s from the old Alka-Seltzer commercial, but my point is, what are we talking about here? Relating “plopping and fizzing” to Alka Seltzer is fine, but to poop? I am not a fan of this joke.

  • Carrie Jo

    One of my facebook friends whose kid is close in age to mine posted a pic of the urine her kid produced in the potty. Total facepalm moment. It’s like they think we won’t take their word for it, they have to provide proof to everyone.

    • Regan

      I blame MMOs–that whole “screen-shot or it didn’t happen!” business. Once you get in the habit of cataloging 100/100 rolls, major boss kills, server firsts, world event stuff, PvP exploits, etc., it’s hard to go back, even if you’ve swapped raiding, battlegrounds, ganking and epic lewt for diapers and potty training.

  • Lisa

    My only potty postings on Facebook are bitching about the kids/grownups in my house who miss the target and leave pee on the seat. I used to write a lot about installing a pee-pee-cam in my bathroom. While I agree the examples you share on over-the-top, I stick by me desire to have a pee-pee-cam.

  • Stephanie

    Hey guys! My 19 year old is potty trained! I totally waited until he was ready. WOOT! Gotta put it on facebook next (with pics!)! Geez. Don’t these people realize that their children WILL grow up and probably get a Facebook of their very own?

  • notorious

    B, I can’t see the pic for #4, and when I click “open image in a new tab” it takes me to gmail.

    Good article though. Toilets and the things that go in them do not belong on Facebook.

  • Frances

    I have three kids, and two of them are trained, and I don’t have one potty picture.

  • randomtask

    Bronc commenting on an STFU Parents article on Mommyish is like hot fudge on an oreo sundae. Fabulous!

  • Claudia

    Bottom line: your kid’s feces and urine is still feces and urine, which makes it disgusting by definition. Leaving it off Facebook should be common sense, and it’s horrifying to me that it isn’t.

  • PAmommy09

    There are definitely some things that shouldn’t be shared on facebook and pictures of things that belong in a toilet tops that list. I’ve been potty training my son for about 3 weeks and the only thing related to this that I posted was that he peed on the potty for the first time by himself. Yep, that’s it. No pictures, no details, nothing to make anyone cringe. That’s how it all should be.

  • ALicia

    Would love you to do a STFU post on just talking about kids on FB all together!!! I’m all for posting a pick once a a month, but enough already with the status updates on what little johnny did/said/went.

    I don’t care!!!

  • Michelle

    I hate Melissa’s (“Details”) comment, not only because she over shares way too much but because she still brags about her kid: he gets it, but he just doesn’t want to interrupt playing. He’s soooo smart. He’s MASTERED reading.

    Really? He’s mastered it? He’s reading novels at 4? I’m (obviously) not a mother, but my tip for Melissa is to hand him one of those novels, maybe a Dostoevsky, for those trips to the bathroom. Now bathroom time can be less like work and more like getting a head start on that PhD in literature.

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