• Tue, Sep 13 2011

How My Abortion Enabled Me To Be A Better Mother

Kiddo was still asleep as the sun came up. I had to pee. It was time.

For the past two weeks, I had been feeling off. At first, I thought my period was on its way. All the symptoms seemed right. I was tired, headachey, and had tender breasts. But after about a week, things changed. I could not shake this exhaustion and lately my stomach had been giving me problems. I also couldn’t stand the normal everyday smells I was used to. The scent of my usual morning cup of coffee would almost send me running for the toilet. Not to mention, I still had not felt any menstrual cramps.

So, I made my way to the bathroom. I dug out the pregnancy tests I kept stashed behind my tampons and toilet paper underneath the sink. I read the instructions carefully, even though I had done this before almost two years ago. I didn’t want to be unsure. I unwrapped the long, plastic stick. I uncapped it, revealing the small strip that was my target. I squatted over the toilet, positioned the test below me and went. I kept my eyes closed, controlled my breathing, and started counting. Inside my head the same mantra kept repeating, “Please be negative. Please be negative.” My last, desperate prayer to whatever higher power was listening.

I opened my eyes and looked down at the strip. I stared at it for a while. My breathing was starting to hitch and my eyes began to tear up. It was positive. There was no mistake. That plus symbol was clear as day. I was pregnant. I was pregnant, recently divorced, unemployed, in debt, I had just moved back in with my father and his wife, and I had a nine-month-old baby girl asleep in the next room. This was bad. This was really bad.

I quietly wrapped the offending test in some toilet paper and diligently buried it in the bathroom wastebasket. I made sure it was undetectable. I stuffed the wrapper in my pocket and made my way quickly back to the bedroom. I sat down at my computer and started looking up a local address and phone number for Planned Parenthood. As I reached for my cell phone, I decided I should call him first. He should know. Besides, I still didn’t know how I was going to pay for this all by myself.

I chose his name from the contact list and hit the call button. Three rings later and his voice was on the other end. He was not quite awake.

“Hello?”

“It’s me.”

“Hey, you, “ he said. His voice was quiet, but he obviously sounded pleased to be hearing from me. My stomach did a flip and I took a shaky breath.

“I have to tell you something…,” I paused. My heart was pounding against my chest. How was he going to react? Was he going to freak out? We had talked briefly about such a situation when we started sleeping together about a month ago. He had reassured me that he didn’t want another kid. He was a single parent too. His daughter was younger than mine. Could I trust him?

“What is it? What’s wrong?” He was more awake now. I had tried to keep my voice calm, but I had apparently failed.

“I’m pregnant.” It was the first time I had said the words out loud. I could hear the panic in my own voice. I was on the verge of tears again.

There was a long pause. I could hear him breathing on the other end. I heard as he shifted his body and let out a sigh. “Oh, babe. OK. Let’s stay calm,” he said, trying to reassure both me and himself. I started to sob. “No, hey. It’s gonna be alright. Listen to me, babe. It’s gonna be alright. Tell me what you want to do.”

I told him I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t have another kid. I didn’t want another kid. I had Kiddo and she was perfect. I knew as soon as I had her that she was it. She would be my one and only. Besides, I was already unable to support her by myself. How was I going to support two kids? Christ, I was 24 and living with my parents again. I could not do this to her, to them, to myself. How utterly selfish and stupid would I have to be to have this baby? It would ruin my life. It would ruin Kiddo’s life and we were already off to a rough start as it was. Her father, my ex-husband, had walked out on us when she was only two months old. We had been married young and my birth control failed during the honeymoon. We didn’t even make it to our one year anniversary. Everything was crashing down on to me again. I could not do this.

For his part, Dave was amazing. He was supportive. When I told him I wanted an abortion, he asked all the right questions. Did I make an appointment with the clinic yet? Did I want him to come with me? How much was it going to cost? He didn’t even ask if he had to help pay for it. He simply offered to.

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  • so sad

    LOL at you people talking about “I’m so happy we have abortion rights, I don’t know what I would do if I was forced to become a mother at a certain time.” My only question to you is…who was FORCING you to lay on your back and open your legs? I don’t care how much birth control your on, or what brand of condoms you use. If you are having sex there is ALWAYS a chance you can conceive. If you’re going to have sex, you better be prepared to take care of a child.

    As for Ann, let’s just be glad your mother didn’t feel the same way about abortion you do. Due to that fact, the world is actually able to hear your sick, twisted, deceptive story of how this procedure has allowed you to be a “better mother” to Kiddo. Good thing she was born when she was, or else she wouldn’t have been around either. You have gotten your foot in the door, and now you’re making great money. With the way the economy is, let’s hope you still have your job. (Quite a few CFO’s, making $250,000+ in their respective positions, have been laid off in recent years). Money doesn’t last forever. Was it worth it? You could very easily go back to living paycheck to paycheck again. That would suck, wouldn’t it? The only thing worse than that is the fact that you wouldn’t have another “bloodclot” to blame your issues one.

    Finally, since this article is your argument for how abortion helped you to become a better Mother, please write another article on how your child reacts when you tell them that you killed their sibling in order to provide for that child and make more money. I’m sure she’d be thrilled….unless she doesn’t have a heart like momma.

    Have a good day

    • Cat

      Did you read the article? I’m pretty sure her mother DOES feel the same way as she does, since she took her to the appointment and cared for her and babysat Kiddo while she was taking the medicine.

    • so sad

      @Cat, not sure if that is as much an indicator of her mom agreeing with abortion as it is her just wanting to be supportive of her daughter.

    • michelle

      @sosad alot of women are pro-choice, ie support abortion, and yet they have kids.

      I’m not sure how its revalant. Even if her mom agrees that women have a right to aboriton it doesn’t mean she herself has to partake in it.

      By your logic, no “pro-lifer” would ever get an abortion. Which isn’t true at all: http://mypage.direct.ca/w/writer/anti-tales.html

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  • Just a thought

    I know this is a radical thought ….but maybe these women are actually not murdering their babies….it is the abortionist. that yields the actual power to kill and takes payment to do so. We are ALL responsible for the blood spilled. The people we vote for to make these laws are directly tied to every voting eligible citizen in this country. If you are pro-life put your money where your mouth is and vote for lawmakers who can and will make changes. Otherwise you are a baby killer too by proxy.

    • Anna

      wow. you are scary. you have no idea how that pregnancy was going to turn out. It was an embryo when it was aborted. How do you know it would grow, or go to term, or not have any disabilities. it wasn’t a baby, never was and never will be.

      I am not going to argue with you becauise it is impossible to argue with people who hold an irrational point of view. I DO thank god that we as women have freedom of choice now. Personally, I probably wouldn’t have an abortion, but I certainly wouldn’t want to live in a society where I had NO choice.

    • Not Anna

      I would like to make a time machine and go back and get your mom to abort you. You are annoying.

    • Talon

      Dear Not Anna:

      How VERY Christian of you!

  • Gans Kerensa

    It would be nice if this topic didn’t get so heated so quickly. Maybe if we could respectfully share opinions, even when they differ, we could understand each other’s point of view better. Even if we never agree (but who knows, you might even change someone’s view)

    I personally wouldn’t ever decide to have an abortion but that’s my choice. I understand completely many of the issues that are behind the choice to have an abortion. I am a single mom of 3 and had my first while still a teenager so I understand completely the lack of support some women face, the worry about how to afford to raise a child, the worry about finishing school or getting a job, about lack of childcare, the stigma that comes with having a baby alone or too young. and about 10 million other worries that come with an unplanned pregnancy. For me and my life, all of the sacrifices I have made have been worth it and I would do it over again if I had the choice. My kids are happy, healthy and have everything they need including the option of furthering their education when they are old enough. I may not be able to take them to Disney World but I don’t think that’s necessary for raising a child properly.

    I do have questions though. First is for people who are saying things like “if you choose to open your legs then you better be prepared to take care of a baby”. Why do you so strongly think that if you make a baby you must raise a baby? You don’t ever mention adoption. Do you think adoption is wrong too? Many happy families have been brought together through adoption.

    The second is an adoption question for those who see abortion as the only viable option. I’m sure many of the women who’ve chosen abortion HAVE considered adoption and opted the way they did for one reason or another. I’m just curious what some of those reason are. The person who wrote this didn’t mention if it was considered and why it wasn’t the best option. Nine months isn’t *that* long and if your first baby is only 9 months old she wouldn’t even have to know you were pregnant.

    I know it’s really none of my business but I am curious and I am asking respectfully without attacking anyone or aggressively pushing my personal belief. I know people who were adopted, who have adopted, who have given a baby for adoption, I also know several who have had abortions, but this is something that I rarely have been able to ask and when I have asked the only answer I’ve gotten is “I don’t know”.

    • Jen

      @Gans Kerensa: I can’t speak for the post’s author, but I can give you some insight into my decision to have an abortion. I’ll first note that I’m only doing so because you actually sound fairly respectful and interested and I’ll be exceptionally disappointed if that turns out to be false. I was nineteen when I got pregnant and a Freshman in college when I got an abortion. I actually found out about my pregnancy before I had even missed one period because of how completely incapacitating my morning sickness was. I was literally unable to eat or drink anything and after two days I was dangerously dehydrated. I had also missed six classes and would miss another week and a half worth (even on medication the symptoms were only lessened enough to prevent me from needing a constant fluid IV; I still could barely move) before having my abortion. As a side note, when I was pregnant with my now nearly four year old daughter I had NO symptoms of pregnancy, but I did develop a blod clot that nearly killed me and led to me being unable to leave my bed for two months. The point of all this is that it’s not just nine months of getting a little tummy. It’s nine months of having hell wreaked on your body and there is not really any way to tell what that will mean for you until you go through it–even if you’ve already been pregnant before.
      I will tell you that Planned Parenthood made my options very clear. They offered to help me find resources that would assist me if I decided to continue my pregnancy and choose either adoption or to raise a baby. There was no pressure from anyone to go with abortion and there was a lot of emphasis on making sure I was totally comfortable with the choice and that I hadn’t felt pressured into making it by anyone in my life. While every woman has her own story, my choice was well informed on all the options and I did what was best for me. I have never regretted it and I can honestly say I am certain I would not have the wonderful family I have today if I had chosen differently then.

    • Gans Kerensa

      Jen, it’s interesting you say Planned Parenthood made sure you were well informed and offered support no matter what your choice was. I think many people who are pro-life have the opinion that because Planned Parenthood does offer advice on abortion that it is ALL they promote. Whatever choice a woman makes it should be made with all information at hand. I think both sides can agree there, at least.

    • Jen

      Not only did they provide the information, they offered tangible help. If I had made the choice to continue the pregnancy the counselor would have assisted me in finding all the resources (adoption agencies, funds for paying for baby stuff, special doctors). PP is a wonderful resource for any woman dealing with an unplanned pregnancy no matter what choice they make.

    • Ashley

      Jen,
      It sounds to me like your body just not handle pregnancy very well. Not EVERYONE has such a horrible time when pregnant. SO it is not 9 months of having hell wreaked on your body. The woman who wrote this article is just a sorry excuse for human being for not taking care of her responsibilities which included not only her 9 month old daughter but the CHILD she was pregnant with.

  • Valerie

    This story just made me sad. It made me sick to my stomach. In my opinion, the bottom line is, if you aren’t able to care for another child, DON’T HAVE SEX. Yes, I know it must be hard, but have some self control and be responsible. Getting pregnant and having a child growing in you is a miracle and a gift from God that should not be thrown away. It just makes me sad. I too have had trouble getting pregnant for 7 years now and even though I KNOW that it’s not right for me to feel this way, it really makes me mad when teenagers get pregnant the first time they have sex or adults get pregnant even while they are on birth control and use condoms. I just don’t understand it. Why would God give me the desire to have children, but yet am unable to produce them. And then other people DON’T want children but they can get pregnant just by looking at a penis. I’m not saying it’s right for me to feel this way, just venting I guess.

    • Catherine

      Valerie, it sounds like you are very frustrated and hurt by your situation. I think it is healthy to vent, but it doesn’t seem productive to direct blame at those people who become pregnant accidentally. Do you maybe have any access to support groups for people dealing with infertility, near you or online?

    • Rick

      How very sad. Imagine that this article were written by my Mom who certainly did not have an easy life. I would not be here. My wife and kids would never know me. The fact is, it is a life and science now makes that hard to dispute. If it is a life then we can only mourn that a life was lost. That life could have been MLK or Lincoln or any number of leaders who have changed our lives. Even if that life was not a famous leader, it is still a life. It is still my kid’s Dad or my Wife’s husband. I do not think this person should be condemned but they also should not try to make it a positive thing. Can I post on an SPCA site that euthanizing a cat was great for my neighborhood? Probably not. I just think that we should at least have the same level of respect for human life as we do the life of a cat. I wonder what would happen if I called a vet clinic and asked where my cat can have an abortion because I just can’t handle another kid?

    • Ashley

      Valerie,

      It is completely normal for you to feel that way. I’m sorry you have had such a hard time getting pregnant. Maybe the reason God has not given you your own child is because there is a baby out there waiting for you to adopt him/her. I know it is not the same and I can’t say I understand what you are going through since I got pregnant and had two very healthy children. But I have to believe God has a plan for all of us and does things for a reason. I hate there are people out there like the author of this article and the sad thing is she already has a child she is providing a horrible example for. I’m sure it was very hard for you to read something like this. I hope you are blessed soon with a child whether it is through pregnancy or adoption.

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  • Christina

    This story made me sick to my stomach. I can’t understand this method of thinking. My mother was in a FAR worse situation when she got pregnant with me. I mean FFAARR worse situation. Against what most of her family and friends wanted for her, she chose to have me. Now, she is a granmother to three AMAZING children and we are BEST friends. I thank her all the time for making the difficult choice to have me. Yes, sometimes another child makes things a bit tougher in the short run (when the pregnancy wasn’t expected), but I can’t imagine ever saying an abortion was a good decision. I can’t imagine being proud of my decision to end the life growing inside of me – a life that was there only because of actions I had willingly taken. Choosing the hard decision of abortion doesn’t make you a stronger woman – deciding to take responsibility for your actions,having that baby, and being a good mother would make you strong.

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  • Chris

    Ann,

    You are despicable. I wish YOUR parents would have taken advantage of their right to choose. If you get mad at that, you’re a hypocrite. A REAL MAN would take care of his woman and help her raise their baby, not pay to have it torn apart. You are trying to turn selfishness and materialism into a virtue. You cannot give me one good reason why not to give your child up for adoption rather than killing it. You are not God, but you believe you are because you think it’s your right to decide who lives and dies.

    • Dee

      Such a great comment. Bless you… You have restored my faith in humanity.

    • Cait

      Annnnnd this comment accurately sums up exactly why the “pro life” movement is such a crock of shit.

  • Forsythia

    This is a very sad story. For the author to have found herself in such a predicament is heartbreaking. But aborting one child to care for another child doesn’t make one a better mother. May the author’s son, whose life was extinguished before he could even see the light of day, rest in peace and may other women who find themselves with unplanned pregnancies choose life.

  • Rachel

    Brave, so brave. Thank you for writing and sharing.

    • kelly A

      Brave : To Endure or face (unpleasant conditions or behavior) without showing fear: “we had to brave the heat”.

      There is nothing brave about murdering your own child.

    • JP

      She’ll have to be brave too when when she tells her other child that she killed their sibling so they can have a big house. Greed breeds desperation.

  • Patricia

    I think that people need to understand that getting an abortion is a personal decision. Whether someone’s mom or themselves got through a “much more difficult situation” and became great mothers is besides the point. Not getting an abortion was the right decision for you. Getting one was the right decision for Miss Kingsleigh. Just as I wish people would respect my decision not to get an abortion or give my child up for adoption, I respect the decision of the women who decide to get an abortion.

    I applaud any woman who has the courage to speak so clearly about abortion. So congratulations to the author.

    • Ashley

      Patricia,

      You might as well be applauding Casey Anthony for killing her daughter (I don’t care if she got away with it) and every other mother who has done so because it was no longer conveniant to be a mom. Please tell me how a 6 week old baby WITH a heart beat is any different than a 6 year old child with a heartbeat!

  • Ashley

    You are a despicable human being.I have a GREAT idea, you don’t want a kid? DON’T HAVE SEX!!!!!! What kind of person are you to be having sex with some man so soon after your divorce while taking care of a baby? You obviously aren’t spending ALL of your time looking for a job if you had time to get knocked up again! If you didn’t want the Child because that’s what you KILLED, a child, then you should have giver her/him up for adoption. Don’t tell me it had the POTENTIAL to be a baby, he/she had a heart beat. And SHAME SHAME on you for acting like KILLING a baby made you a better parent. I hope the only role model you are for your daughter is what NOT to be like when she gets older!!! You made CHOICE to have sex so you should deal with what happens after that! You can’t CHOOSE to kill a child! And you want to talk about women’s rights? What about the man’s right? what if he had decided he wanted the baby? Would you have killed her/him anyways? What if he didn’t want it but you decided to have it anyways and go after him for child support? So exactly where does the man get the right to “choose” or have rights? You have the right to NOT have sex when you have a 9 month old baby at home you are SO worried about feeding and taking care of. You have the RIGHT to use birth control pills and condoms which are available free at your local health department! I bet all you freaking liberals would be MORTIFIED if I gave an abortion pill to my dog or killed her puppies because I couldn’t afford to take care of them. Grow up! and realize if something has a heartbeat it is ALIVE and you KILLED it!!!!!!!!

  • Madison

    I am 15 years old and pregnant. My boyfriend of two years has moved in and we have started a family. I’m working 2 jobs, plus my core classes at school and I have the most loving and supportive family and parents in the entire world. Do you know why? My mom had me when she was seventeen. She had me three days before her junior graduation test. She went to summer school. She broke up with my daddy because he had a drug problem, so she was all alone. By herself. She now has 1 other child and he is 8 years old and is super excited to be an uncle. My daddy has 3 other children with his wife and they are happy as can be. They are supportive too. My daddy was 16 when I was born. And you can’t get any better than that. So in all honesty the word “abortion” makes my heart hurt. My daughter, whom I am naming Kimberly (after her grandma) I can’t imagine living without her. I can’t do adoption either. I give full props to the women who make the selfless decision to give their babies a happier life, but not by killing them. How are you not thinking, today would have been her birthday? I would kill myself if I lost Kim. I love her do much and I would never do something to hurt her. But I guess the past is the past, and I’m glad you and your daughter are doing well.

    • C

      Maybe we can all learn from Madison…while many people would be concerned about the outcome of being 15 and pregnant, she has made her decision based on her beliefs. She has acknowledged that she doesn’t share the authors beliefs. Yet she has the civility to show kindness to the author!! Imagine a world where we all did this! Kudos to the author for sharing her story, without shame. We all need to be able to make the decisions that we need to make.

  • Dawn

    Conrats on taking the easy way out. You wanted just the one child? it’s called birth control. You messed up and didn’t want to claim responsibility? I, along with many other infertile women, would have gladly given that BABY a home. yes, I said it. BABY, not blood clots.

    • Jen

      You being infertile is NOT someone else’s responsibility. If you really want to give a child–not a fetus–a home there are already a ton languishing in the foster care system in the USA and in orphanages the world over. Forcing a woman into continuing a pregnancy that could damage her health and destroy her ability to care for her (actual, existing) child is selfish and quite frankly not the kind of mentality I would want to see from a potential adoptive parent anyway.

    • Blaine

      “I, along with many other infertile women, would have gladly given that BABY a home. yes, I said it. BABY, not blood clots.” You silly ingrate, adaption agencies are over flooded with babies for women like you who are infertile. Who are you to judge if it was a “child” or “potential to become a child”. Get outta here with your “My beliefs are right and I know it for sure because i’m perfect” BS. You don’t know nothing about anything beyond this physical reality. Get a life! Enough Said

    • Rae

      I am a infertile woman and I would love to have a child and most likely will adopt one day. That being said, I AM pro choice!

  • Nix

    Hell, where does a person begin here….I’d first like to comment on those stats of apparent crimes that Pro-lifers have been involved in….right so a few got crazy and got a bit violent. It’s funny how the fact that Pro-choice people kill over 3000 people a day just in the US alone was left out oh so conveniently , oh and I find it funny how it was left out how violent and rude and just unnecessary Pro-choice people can get as well. Yeah we all go a bit crazy to fight for the things we believe in and it’s not acceptable for either side to go around killing each other when all it takes is a little bit of common sense and understanding – from both sides sometimes. I’ve heard pro choice women refer to the child they were pregnant with as an ALIEN, right, so unless you had SEX WITH AN ALIEN you cannot be pregnant with one, from the moment of conception you are pregnant with a human life form – you can argue oh its a clump of cells, but what are we made of it not cells? The cells we are made of makes up people, makes us human. Oh yeah, when you really get down to it, religion has bugger all to do with whether you are pro life or not, I’m pro life and you know what? I refuse to be part of any religion whatsoever but that doesn’t mean that I suddenly need to lack all common sense and go around killing babies. A life is a life, no matter what age. Saying you are a great and fantastic mother because you killed your 2nd child so your first could be more spoilt is well, just utterly ridiculous. You were young but not that young and naive that you didn’t know what unprotected sex leads to, when will woman just take some damn responsibility for their selfish need to fornicate stupidly whenever they get the chance. If you loved your daughter so much you would have put her first, not your sex life. Yeah you deserve relationships but mature one’s that don’t threaten to destroy any part of your life. While we can all call each other names, it doesn’t solve the problem in the end that adoption agencies aren’t doing their job, PP refers maybe one mother for an adoption for every 400 odd abortions they provide, abortion is their business, it’s what makes them money so they honestly do not give a crap about why you are coming for one or if you just want some helpful advice. The whole point is that we live in a society with a culture that say’s you can just get away with being selfish, irresponsible and quite honestly it makes it all to easy for people with these traits to go around destroying what inconveniences them even slightly. Abortion is the cowards way out no matter the situation, don’t want to burden other people with your silly decisions? then think before you act, it’s not that hard..really

    • Jen

      Where to begin here. Please, please, please stop burdening the world with your inaccurate, hateful lies. PP is the most caring, kind organization I have ever had the pleasure to deal with. Unlike anti-choicers they actually care about women.

      I am glad of one thing, your casual dismissal of the deaths caused by anti-choicers just proves exactly what we’ve been saying all along. You are NOT “pro-life” as you all try and claim, you are anti-women through and through. Stop pretending otherwise.

    • Serena

      So if someone doesn’t abort her baby, she is anti-women? More great logic from the pro-death crowd. I guess your mother and every other woman that has ever given birth is anti-women then.

    • Amy

      Jen never said that women who do not get an abortion are anti-woman. She said that she does not like how pro-lifers tend to look over violence caused by protests. If one was truly pro-life then all life should be respected and unharmed… not just unborn baby.

      One of the great things about living in this country is the freedom to make your own choices. People should not be “lectured” for their choice and they should certainly not be physically harmed.

    • Aron

      Planed Parenthood founded by Marget Sanger because her belief in eugenics. The organization that was founded on the hatred of minorities and the poor. The wonderful eugenics movement that followed atheist and evolution to its natural end. The ideas fully embraced by Hitler.

  • nix

    Jen,

    PP cares about the money all the woman bring in, that’s the be all and end of all of their “caring for woman”….It’s amazing how you would disregard all the women who actually worked at PP or were abortionists themselves who have left there and said that PP is nothing but a money hungry death-loving business. You are obviously one of those woman who is quite happy to find any excuse for having dealt with them and will defend them tooth and nail because you wanted what you got, you weren’t left hospitalized etc because you were rushed into a life changing decision.

    If PP cared soooo much about women wouldn’t they then not abort female babies? Wouldn’t they then not even offer abortion as the first choice to a so called “problem” and instead offer counseling and other CHOICES?

    I also find it funny how any other choice a person chooses that is not abortion is not considered a choice to you.

    I sure as hell do give a damn about women, while i’ll be shocked to find a pro-”choice” person giving a crap about anyone but themselves, as long as you get what you want right? As soon as someone says no to you all you do is throw a tantrum and say the same childish things over and over again.Women hater..that’s honestly your best argument and you don’t even have any good reasoning behind it…

    I did not disregard the deaths caused by anyone, I just added that pro-choicers have killed people too, but of course you won’t comment on that will you? I did not say I approve of killing, I don’t approve of the violence either, by anyone whatsoever.

    But yeah, as long as you have someone you think is trying to “control” you then you get all uppity about it, if you are so obsessed with having control over your own body then how about having a little self-control first.

    Pro Life is not about finding excuses to argue with people or getting pissy about anything we don’t like happening…we aim to educate people and help protect the lives of innocent young babies who had no part in making the mistakes you make, we don’t force our beliefs on anyone, no pro-life person is trying to force jesus or God on you lot as you all so often claim we do…all we are trying to accomplish is getting a little common sense into the heads of people who clearly don’t have any

    • Jen

      I’m done arguing with you because you are obviously a liar and a jerk. The only reason I am responding at all is to tell everyone reading this: Do NOT believe this person. PP is a wonderful, women-positive organization. They offer FREE pre- and post-natal care and FREE Ob-gyn services to make sure women and their children are healthy. When you enter a PP with an unplanned pregnancy you receive counseling from medical professionals (not people lacking even a high school education, like with those anti-choice vans) about ALL your options. They give you information about adoption, information about organizations that provide services for young parents without financial resources and information about abortions. They take pains to make certain that whatever decision a woman makes is her CHOICE and they fully support that choice regardless of what it is.

      I have NEVER met a pro-choice person who has railed against a woman for choosing to carry a pregnancy to term. I’ve met plenty of anti-choice who have called any woman who has terminated a pregnancy–for any reason–every name in the book. They threaten violence. Nix openly admitted that (s)he doesn’t care about anti-choicers murdering abortion providers and women who receive abortions. Violence is their bread and butter and anti-choice groups make WAY WAY WAY more money for their leaders than PP and other abortion providers that actually provide services for women in need.

    • Jen I killed my baby

      Hey Jen you killed your baby….deal with it and shut your baby killing mouth.

    • Talon

      “Shut your baby-killing mouth” How eloquent and refined. How persuasive. How intelligent. I think…I think I’ve just changed my entire perspective on abortion with those simple words!!

      Wait…no. Sorry. I still believe women have the right to make their own medical decisions without the rest of the world weighing in.

      Go JEN!! *blows Jen kisses*

    • Talon pumpkin pie

      Refined as in ripping a baby apart? LOL let’s hope you don’t procreate . Let’s stop the damaged dna from reproducing. Precious girls who have CHOSEN to kill your babies. You know you can’t sleep at night no matter how much you try to convince yourself you did nothing wrong. Blowing you a kiss Talon.

    • new name for article

      How my abortion made me a murderer.

    • Talon

      “By new name for article

      How my abortion made me a murderer.”

      I’m sorry to correct you again, as I understand your capacity for comprehension is limited, but I must point out that the author cannot, by definition be a murderer. Murder is illegal. Abortion is not.

      I am sorry if you cannot understand that, it is the simplest way I could think of to explain it.

      Peace to you.

    • Talon

      Hmmm. I wonder where my other reply went. Well, it is a big, busy site. If it doesn’t show up later, I’ll merely re-write it and re-post it.

    • limited capacity

      Talon- we will await your comment in breathless anticipation.

  • aron

    How sick how about stop having sex with random men or get your tubes tied. Its nice to know murdering your child work out for you. Nice to know money means more than your child’s life.

  • aron

    @Jen Civility goes out the door when your talking about murdering your young. Just because its not against the law doesn’t mean its right. So killing Jews in holocaust was fine because it wasn’t against the law? That is life in the womb its murder.

  • Hayleo

    Carrie and the author, I applaud you for being upfront about your experiences.
    I saw this at a rally once, a young girl with a placard standing next to an old man with a pro-life placard. It made my day.

    “it’s easy to be pro-choice when you aren’t the one being killed”
    “it’s easy to be pro-life when you aren’t the one being pregnant”

    • Not getting it

      It made your day? Wow having Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte makes my day. Being pregnant made my day…aborting a human life….not so much. I bet you love Hitler AND Santa Claus!

  • HB

    To the author of this article: What if your wrong? What if you would’ve loved your second child as much as your daughter? What if it would’ve been worth it to go through an extra few hard years before being in the same place you are now? What if you could see your daughter playing with this sibling and enjoying the benefits that come from having a brother or a sister. Can you imagine your daughter and giving her the joy of being a big sister? If ending this pregnancy, with pain and a “blood clot” was a good choice, how much better would it have been to end it with pain and a baby. If I’m wrong, then I have wasted much time in my own life, trying to defend the unborn AND their mothers. But if your wrong…if all pro-abortionists are wrong…then this generation has slaughtered more innocent lives than any other.

    • Jen

      You’re wrong. You’re not your. And you’re also WRONG. I’s not a matter of it taking a few extra years, it’s a matter of never being in the same place she is now because an extra kid means three times the time, money and issues. And, the idea that abortion rates picked up AFTER abortion became legal is incorrect. Countries that have no legal abortions options have roughly the same number of abortions, they simply have A LOT more death of women. Keep it legal, keep it accessible, keep it safe.

    • I might be wrong Jen ..but you’re so much more wrong.

      If I was a woman who had submitted to a procedure which resulted in the life of my unborn child being ripped, torn, vacuumed, from my body I would feel it was indeed something of great importance. Maybe more important then correcting grammer?

    • Jen

      You should probably also correct your language. It’s a fetus, not a child. And in most cases (something like 80% of all abortions) there isn’t so much tearing as passing a teensy blod clot. But you guys are as concerned with facts as you are with women’s lives–that is to say not at all.

    • Jen

      ok. let’s just go with the vacuumed if that makes you feel better?

    • Jen

      Nope, no vacuumed either. God, you guys are like allergic to the truth aren’t you. I guess if you had to acknowledge facts it would make you realize how incredibly ridiculous your stance is. Thank goodness lies work so well for you, like that whole “pro-life” thing.

    • Jen (aka blood clot)

      Jen, If I may ask you a very bold question. Do you feel that you have a soul?

      And I know you do… when did you choose to enter your blood clot? When did your soul become worthy of making it to the next rounds?

    • ALevy

      How do you know wat Jen feels about the existance of souls? Or anyone else, for that matter? This is America. It is unconstitutional to set policy based on religious beliefs. If your best argument for your position is that an embryo has a soul, then your argument is completely invalid in the eyes of public policy. Feel free to pray for whomever & whatever you choose, though.
      BTW, why has everyone decided to make their username “Jen?” Is it an attempt to dig at her, or humiliate her? If so, that’s even weaker than your anti-choice arguments.

    • TWITALIVY

      You ignorant twit…read the US constitution….if you must. You will find the word GOD several times. Amen

    • ALevy

      From http://www.usconstitution.net:
      It has often been seen on the Internet that to find God in the Constitution, all one has to do is read it, and see how often the Framers used the words “God,” or “Creator,” “Jesus,” or “Lord.” Except for one notable instance, however, none of these words ever appears in the Constitution, neither the original nor in any of the Amendments. The notable exception is found in the Signatory section, where the date is written thusly: “Seventeenth Day of September in the Year of our Lord one thousand seven hundred and Eighty seven”. The use of the word “Lord” here is not a religious reference, however. This was a common way of expressing the date, in both religious and secular contexts. This lack of any these words does not mean that the Framers were not spiritual people, any more than the use of the word Lord means that they were. What this lack of these words is expositive of is not a love for or disdain for religion, but the feeling that the new government should not involve itself in matters of religion. In fact, the original Constitution bars any religious test to hold any federal office in the United States.

    • Twit

      My bad regardless you are a Godless twit. Look at the US currency if you have any left after all your abortions that is. IN GOD WE TRUST is on there I think,

    • ALevy

      Yes, it is there, along with E Pluribus Unum. What’s your point?

  • SP

    I myself would never have an abortion, it would wear on my soul. Maybe it is better this young lady got one, if she would have treated her new baby like a burden who was holding her back. Now her baby is with God, who will love it like she couldn’t, despite what some people say, I believe it’s a baby. You can say embryo, fetus, zygote, whatever medical term you can come up with. If left alone a beautiful child comes out in nine months. Anywho, I have seen too much in the news of abusive parents, or killing parents, maybe this is better for all in the long run.

  • God Loves All

    It’s a travesty people are on here in the name of God and Christian values arguing with and attacking this woman for so openly and candidly expressing her opinion. God loves all people- those who abort and those who don’t abort. God is not a badge of honor someone wears to make him or herself feel better. It was a choice this woman made and her perception was that she was aborting a ‘potential life’ and a fetus. If you feel so strongly to not abort, than don’t. But don’t call this woman ‘murderer’ and ‘baby-killer’. She clearly outlined her reasons for getting an abortion and it was with her and her daughter’s best interest in mind. Getting an education, providing adequet and quality nutrition, raising her alone without the help of a man AND under her parents’ roof. It was not a decision she took lightly as a form or birth control or any other means. Funny thing is…the majority of you calling her names (which shows your level of maturity) would be the same ones to no-doubtedly look down on her and shake her head – “Divorced. Pregnant by another man. Living off her parents with two children”. She made a decision to be autonomous and independent. She has to be the provider for her child, no one else. I don’t presume to know all of your political beliefs or your religious affiliations but I don’t know that the majority of Pro-Lifers tend to be Republicans. And I find it beyond hypocritical how the majority of Republicans cry for smaller gov’t, less taxation of the middle and upper class for the benefit of the lower class, less tax payer’s money to welfare, etc. Yet we want to deride this woman for having an abortion. She chose not to bring a child into the world that she couldn’t adequatey provide for. Instead of dumping her child into the fostercare system or having tax payer’s pay for her children to eat she took matters into her own hands. For the record, anyone can get pregnant using birth control and abortions are no new fad to appease feminists and cut down on world population. Abortions have been performed since ancient Egypt. So clearly, there is a need for abortions and women have been wanting them from the dawn of time. Therefore regardless of protestors, Pastors, or otherwise women who want abortions because of any reason (single-parent, teen pregnancy, can’t provide for the child, raped, incest) is going to do it regardless of whether it’s legally sanctioned or not. So since, I don’t want women dying at the edge of wire hangers or in back alleys where abortions were performed under sub-par conditions…I’m going to have to vote Pro-Choice. Regardless of the fact that I doubt I would ever choose to get an abortion for myself. I’m still working out my own beliefs as to whether I feel it is a child or a woman should abort. All I know is that women will abort – legal or not. And one woman sharing her candid story, shouldn’t make her vulnerable to a barrage of verbal attacks. ‘Baby-killer’ – come on what is that? Are we all fifth graders here? God loves all, and regardless of whether or not you think someone else is a ‘sinner’…are you less of a sinner for judging and piling on guilt and pain? Regardless of whether you think someone is the vilest of all sinners – didn’t Jesus eat with corrupt government officials and hookers (not that I’m comparing Pro-Choice advocates to such)…But in your own Christian zealousness – doesn’t it go against Jesus’ teachings and all your moral beliefs to unintelligently berate another with insults? Educate yourself on true religious teaching or decide not to use it as a basis for future arguments. Thank you, Jen, for sharing this open and honest account of the difficult choice a woman had to face and one that made with resolve and logic for her circumstances. Much love, and God bless.

    • kelly

      Jesus did change the lives of hookers and tax collectors. Then they became blessed.

    • Zoe

      It’s not just ancient Egypt. Women from many cultures all over the world – Africa, Australia, America, Britain, Asia, Europe etc – would gather a combination of toxic plants which, if prepared properly, would induce miscarriage. This was practiced for tens of thousands of years during times of extended drought or other hardships if the baby would have a low chance of survival due to lack of food and other resources; and also in nomadic cultures the clan would usually have to be on the move during those times, and a pregnancy would impair the woman’s ability to travel. In those situations, the well-being of the woman was the most important consideration. When times improved, she would be ready to conceive and bear healthy children; rather than having her life endangered by a pregnancy during times of starvation – likely to end in miscarriage anyway – or expending her valuable time and energy caring for a sickly infant which would probably not survive. Most of the time she would have children already, and it was important that she keep herself alive and in decent health to care for them effectively. In modern times, resources and maternal health are still the main consideration when a woman terminates an unwanted pregnancy. All that aside, I have never had an abortion, but I know women who have, and I keep my opinions to myself. It’s none of my damn business.

    • Talon

      To God Loves All and Zoe…well said, well spoken and thank Kami for actual, intelligent, ACCURATE comments!! I may not be Christian, but I DO admire those who actually do their homework and walk the walk, not just spew the vitriol.

    • Aron

      I highly doubt your Christian if all you got out of the Bible is God loves so live like a devil because who cares. If God loves the way you say He does shouldn’t I just judge everyone and hate everyone different than me because hey God loves, so he loves me too regardless of my actions. I want you to know that God is a God of love but, He is also a God of Hate, Righteous, Holiness, Justice, and Mercy. A perfect God is always perfect as in He won’t at the expense of His justice ext. If you love you must also hate if you love people you hate murder, injustice, theft, ext. Psalms 7:11 God judgeth the righteous, and God is angry with the wicked every day. If your the type that ignores the Old testament how about. Romans 1:18 For God’s anger is being revealed from Heaven against all impiety and against the iniquity of men who through iniquity suppress the truth. God see’s actions of all mankind do you think He just smiles at our sins. He see’s children kidnapped, raped, tortured, and murdered. Do you think He just smiles at that? He see’s a baby He created for life on this planet sucked out of the mothers womb do you think he loves that. He see’s all our sin our continued hatred, lying, theft, and the biggest sin of all our unwillingness to love God with all our heart soul mind and strength. The true religious teaching is how can a righteous God forgive man. It is one of the 3 truths God has given all humanity but it can also condemn us on judgement. God showed his love for mankind by sending His Son to die on a cross and pay for the sins of those who will believe. The Son He promised at beginning of Genesis to save fallen man. The “loving” Jesus warned the people around Him of hell. The “loving” Jesus also showed the standard at which we will be judge in the sermon on the mount (none of us has done it.) The “loving” Jesus also ate with sinners because He said he came to help the sick. He came to forgive all who were willing and believed but He also warned that many would not listen and will be damned on judgement day (the parables fig tree ext). The “loving” Jesus also spoke of the day when He comes back to judge the world. The scariest verse’s in all the Bible spoken by Jesus on the day when He judges the earth.

      Mathew 7:21 “Not everyone who says to Me, “Lord, Lord,” shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in Heaven. Mathew 7:23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me you who practice lawlessness.

  • Manda

    I think you are disgusting. If you didn’t want to get pregnant you should have either been on birth control or abstained from having sex. Why should some poor child (that’s right, not fetus or “blood clot”) be murdered because you’re an irrsesponsible douchebag? Geez.

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  • Jen

    This article makes me so sad. Sad for the “mother”, sad for the baby, and sad at her justification that she was not actually killing her child. I have so many great friends who have struggled with infertility that would LOVE to take on this author’s inconvenience. No, raising a child that you do not want is not a good idea, but allowing another couple to raise that baby is. Sigh.

  • Domino effect

    Women have the right to make choices everyday… But deciding wether to have the baby or not to have it should not be something of choice..there should be a strong understanding that deciding to have sex generally mean you feel you are ready to have a baby with that person. There is no such thing as safe sex as the author proves and as I’ve seen throughout my life.. Have sex when you’re ready to have a baby…better yet, what ever happened to babies coming from the pure love that the parents share together?… Making a wise decision is only wise when all options have been thoroughly analysed before anything takes place… If people would think before hand, abortion wouldn’t have to be argued.

  • ThankfulReader

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have been numb since I discovered i was pregnant and this article allowed me to open up and have a good cry. Your courage has given me the courage to make the decision that has been in the back of my mind for days. Thank you so much.

  • K

    I just found your article. I am in a similar situation, except that I am married, we both work, and we own a home…however, we can’t financially take care of a second child right now…not to mention, we don’t want another. We want to fully devote ourselves to our daughter. We want to be able to take her to Disney World, help her with college, pay for her wedding…all things we would have to give up with a second. Thank you for being brave enough to share you decision to help others in similar situations. Blessed Be.

  • Aron

    All this story showed was all that is wrong with this godless society. Two people who used each other for personal play things. How the love in most has gone so cold that lust is just used in replace of love and the gift of a child is thought of as a burden and a “thing” to be loathed. But hey keep pushing this beliefs on to the young and we wonder why most marriages end in divorcee and the children are the ones damaged the most either by being murdered or born into walking tragedies. But hey just have sex its naturally no ill effects will happen “safe” sex is really safe. But hey lets keep pushing this liberal propaganda. I mean the liberal cities only about half the kids have an incurable std by the age of 18. The notion pushed by PP and liberal sex ed kids get here’s some numbers from the CDC condom use 18% failure rate And the magic pill 9% failure rate don’t worry about sudden death from a blood clot. (2 girls I went to school worth died suddenly of) FYI: small school 400 people or so. Also ignore the breast cancer it causes. I mean its October and after all the Coleman foundation doesn’t want that to get to the press. Considering they give money to PP to give these cancer causing pills out to people. I’m sure the pill that stops menstruation will have no lasting effects I think it was called Yaz btw it was banned. The truth is PP wants women to get pregnant early and often because there’s a lot of money in an abortion. The people who helped legalize abortion admitted it and they also laughed that pushing it as women’s rights worked.

  • whatever

    Amazing thank you for sharing your story. I really needed to hear this right now.