• Sat, Aug 13 2011

Extra-Curricular Activities Aren’t Always Worth The Stress

We all want to provide our children with the very best. Even if we can’t give them everything, most parents have a hard time saying no to educational opportunities. Extra-curriculars feed on this need to give our child every chance to follow their dreams and become an Olympic athlete or sign a record deal before they leave high school.

Alright, so maybe we don’t think that our children will all become superstars. But they might. They might be the most amazing swimmer since Michael Phelps or the next Martha Argerich on the piano. What if, by denying them the opportunity to start classes at a young age and develop their passion, we’re holding them back from reaching their destiny?

That’s a whole lot of pressure! But economists and psychologists alike say that parents need to stop putting so much weight on extra-curricular activities. The New York Times took a look at children’s activities and their adverse effect on their families. Bryan Caplan, an economics professor at George Mason University says, “A lot of parents are exhausted by their own overparenting. They make so many sacrifices and are so stressed out by driving around so much that they explode at kids for changing the radio station.”

Let’s face it, all those lessons and travel teams are expensive. In fact, they add up to be thousands of dollars a year. And economists like Steven D. Levitt from University of Chicago say that there’s no evidence that these expenses correlate to high academic performance. Realistically, we all know that our children might not become world-class in any given area. Those golf lessons might not make the next Tiger and a soccer team might not produce Mia Hamm. Now, we’ve learned that they won’t help academically. But we still want to create well-rounded individuals.

However, a balanced and connected family creates the happiest children. If all those activities leave little time for family meals and parents stressed about money and time, your kids really aren’t gaining anything. Extra-curriculars can be great for children. I took dance lessons my entire life and I just started my daughter in her first class. There’s a possibility that she’ll hate it, of course, and then we might move on to something else. But I think the lesson here is that these activities should not be your main priority. They shouldn’t come at the expense of your financial and mental stability.

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  • xobolaji

    phew! thank you!

    this is one of those “permission granted” articles where moms get to exhale knowing that it’s totally unnecessary to suppress what we feel from what we know intuitively without backlash.

    i just finished schlepping my girls, 6&3 to everyday 45 minute swimming lessons for the past 6 weeks. we “would have”, and “could have” continued right up until september first if the pool wasn’t being cleaned and serviced for the fall session!

    every day, a bunch of moms and their children–some with 1, some with 2, some with 3, some with 4!!! [i jokingly referred to her as my shero, the alpha-mom and thankfully she laughed since i meant it with respect and sincerity–would meet and discuss our busy lives. in fact, we all enjoyed it so much that we exchanged numbers on the final day. I’m not even going to get into the details of the crowded changeroom, and icky shower, etc. but suffice it to say that we moms made it work because the facility is has an incredible child-centered teaching approach and the general vibe is fantastically down to earth and welcoming.

    we’d often discuss how some of our children were “over-programmed,” while others were not, but the general consensus seemed to be that our focus was on “life skills” like swimming, and whatever else our children seemed to be interested in, we would pursue. The moms with older children had that wonderful demeanor of parents who had gone full-out with umpteen programs only to discover that their children weren’t interested. It was revealing to hear that as much as we think these things are “good” for our children, it creates unnecessary stress on all involved. i’m a bigtime fan of this new school of thought which places more emphasis on the quality of the programs we give our children than the quantity.

    thanks again Lindsay, i swear you are reading my mind! obviously, i’m reading yours!

    • Lindsay Cross

      Thank you so much! That’s awesome that you found such great friends out of the program.

      You make an excellent point that its not the quantity, but the quality of the programs that should matter most. If your kids find one thing that they’re really interested in, they should be allowed to focus on it. We don’t need to throw them in a hundred different activities just to teach them “well-roundedness”. And if their interests change, they can try something else. It really should be that easy, right?

  • xobolaji

    yes, it should be that easy. and as difficult or as simple as it may be, i’m committed to not making what my children choose or not choose all about me.

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