• Thu, Aug 11 2011

My Daughter And I Share A Bed. Judge All You Want

I’m not at all judgmental when it comes to how other parents raise their children. Because I don’t judge – and because I always give fellow mothers the benefit of the doubt – I was shocked to be judged so harshly myself recently. It all started when I wrote an article for a magazine in which I casually mentioned that I sleep in bed with my almost-eight-year-old daughter on the nights that my boyfriend doesn’t stay over. I explained that until he and I became serious, my daughter and I had been sleeping together nightly from the time she was three.

Judgment – or more like a slap in the face – was thrown all over the place in the “comments” section. Here are some of my favorite comments about the fact I still sleep with my almost eight-year-old child:

“Weird.”

“No wonder therapists make so much money! Firstly for no reason, except for the occasional absolute exhaustion, should a child sleep with a parent. Everyone should have his/her own bed and that’s where one should sleep. This situation boggles the minds on too many fronts but these people are in a lot of psychological trouble.”

“There has to be a delineation between adult and child.”

And my personal favorite:

“I believe you are setting a possibly troublesome precedent for the child’s future development. With the exception of the occasional restless night or bad dream, it is important for her own psychological self-development…”

While I do think that everyone is entitled to her own opinion, I also believe the opinions expressed in this instance are simply wrong. And stupid. Sorry! Even if you have a damn degree in child psychology and left one of those comments, I just want to say, “Seriously? Does that rule apply to all?”

Despite worries that kids who share beds with their parents will not hit certain independence milestones, new research reveals that as long as the kids are old enough to evade SIDS, they will develop just fine. “Parents can do what works best for their family and not feel guilty if they choose to bed-share, because there probably aren’t lasting impacts,” said Lauren Hale, who led the study.

I’d like to thank Lauren Hale for this, but, truthfully, I don’t take much stock in studies. For every study showing that sleeping with your eight-year-old is harmless, you could just as easily find another saying otherwise. Also, I never felt guilty sleeping with my daughter for all those years to begin with – and still don’t.

Now, unfortunately for you readers, it’s time for me to brag a little.  And this is mostly directed at the person who write, “I believe you are setting a possibly troublesome precedent for the child’s future development.” I’m pretty damn certain I’m not setting troublesome precedents for my child’s future. Here’s why. First, my daughter loves sleepovers. If she were invited to a sleepover every weekend, she’d go. She even went to overnight camp for a week this summer and had the time of her life. Next year, she wants to go for at least two weeks. Also, she has no problem visiting her father, who lives in another province, for sometimes up to three weeks at a time. At least once a month she sleeps at my parent’s house. So, is she too attached to me? Can she not sleep without me? I think not. Obviously she can sleep in other beds, in other homes, no problem.

My daughter was never one of those children who cried when I dropped her off at pre-school (or grade school). In fact, she’s one of the bravest people – yes, people – I know. No roller coaster, water slide, snorkeling, surfing or climbing wall scares her at all. So, yes, she can and is away from mommy and is very independent. With no pressure from me, she got into one of the best private schools in Canada and auditioned and got into the National Ballet School. The girl has no fear. Put her up on a stage and she’ll sing a Taylor Swift song from memory in front of 100 people.

More important (and, yes, I’ll stop bragging now), sharing the same bed with my daughter is “our” time. When I say that, I mean that it’s our time to really talk about our feelings and our days. She’s more open to me about her feelings, or things that bug her, or things she worries about, or telling me funny stories about her friends, or bad stories about her friends, while cuddling with me, and talking in the dark, while in my bed. Do I think this is a problem? Absolutely not! If my child is opening up to me, in any way, in any circumstance (even including in the same bed in the dark) then I think that’s an amazing thing.

When she wants to tell me something “private” when we’re around other people, she’ll say, “I’ll tell you in bed tonight.” Our mother-daughter bond is tight. Too tight? What’s too tight? Also, I’d like to ask the question, “Who the hell came up with this seemingly set-in-stone rule that you can’t sleep with your children?” I think the people who came up with this rule, or follow this rule, are either married and want some alone time to have sex; those who really need a break from their children who maybe annoyed them that day; those whose children move around a lot in their sleep and don’t like a leg wrapped around their throats (which I get); or those who are addicted to The Real Housewives Of Orange County and want to watch it without their children asking questions about “boob jobs” and “inflated lips.”

But, for me, a single mother whose child is in full-day school, and who also has a part-time nanny, nights are when my daughter and I really have our time together. Sometimes we sleep the entire night holding hands. Words cannot possibly explain the love I feel for her when we sleep holding hands, or having my arm wrapped around her, or her throwing her arm around me, throughout the night. Another bonus is that I get more sleep when I go to sleep with my daughter. I usually pass out with her, which is good for me, because, like you know, there are a thousand reports that say sleep is so important for health and stress levels.

I’d also like to add that I bet these judgmental parents who think I’m doing psychological damage to my child are also the same people who would have criticized me for allowing my daughter to use a bottle until she was three. Guess what? She no longer uses a bottle! Are you shocked? You shouldn’t be. Have you ever seen a 16-year-old walking around with a baby bottle?

My theory is that I know my daughter is not always going to want to sleep with me. One day, just like how she suddenly didn’t want a bottle, she’s going to say, “I think I’ll sleep in my own bed tonight, Mommy.” And I will be sad about this. But I will never regret the years when she wanted to sleep with me. Whereas I think parents who have never tried to sleep with their children – because of their oh-so-strict-rules that children should always sleep in their own bed – don’t know what they’re missing.

Or maybe I’m just a judgmental bitch, too.

(Photo: Stockbyte)

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  • Angela

    If she is ousted from your bed when your boyfriend comes over, doesn’t that send her a message about her importance? She has access to you when someone else doesn’t want/ need it?

    • Nat

      I tend to agree with that, I am a single parent, since my daughter was 6 months old (she is now 13) and I haven’t even dated during this time – I am 100% mom. We share a bed and I would never want her to feel second best to anyone she is my number one.

  • Linney

    I don’t put a lot of stock in people who claim they never judge so I read this article with a grain of salt. However, you’re really defensive. If you like sleeping in the same bed as your daughter, own it, I guess but you come off sort of angry that anyone dare have an opinion on the matter (the comments you posted weren’t even mean). You wrote an article for a bunch of people to see and they had opinions about it. What did you expect to happen? To be honest, I’m more cocerned that you have a boyfriend who sleeps over sometimes and for that, you kick your daughter out of your bed. I find the whole scenario weird. It doesn’t mean I’m attacking you but it is not a lifestyle I would choose (the child in my bed or the come-and-go boyfriend). If you didn’t want to be judged, you chose the wrong job.

    • Dee

      Agreed. Definitely treading on the defensive side (why be defensive if people’s opinions don’t matter?) My personal favorite was the statement, “I also believe the opinions expressed in this instance are simply wrong. And stupid.” Since when does anyone have any right to say that another’s opinion is “wrong?”

    • B

      Wow you’re an over opinionated jack ass.

    • Dee

      I’d rather be over opinionated than not have an opinion at all. You seem to be quite okay with voicing yours, “B.” :) That’s okay, though.

  • Shoogyboom

    When I first saw the headline, I admit I was a little judgmental. My half-sister used to sleep with her mother, and whenever she came over to visit our father, she would cry and sob and wail for an hour if she had to sleep by herself. Eventually she got over it, but I always attributed the problem to the sleeping situation with her mother. In hindsight, I realize that the issue probably had more to do with the fact that her mother was a co-dependent alcoholic/drug addict.

    Now that I’ve read your side, I see sharing a bed with your child differently. For a few years, my sister and I had to share a bed when she visited because we didn’t have any extra beds for her, and we would talk for hour or so before we fell asleep. It was our special time together because we only saw each other two weekends per month and we were six years apart. Anyways, thanks for helping me understand that sharing a bed with your child can be a good thing!

  • rebecca Eckler

    When my boyfriend sleeps over, my daughter has a lot of warning. She understands. Also, I cuddle with her those nights in her bed and we talk there until she falls asleep. So we still get “our” time. Just in her bed.

  • Impressed

    Good for you! Really refreshing to hear from another Mom who is not afraid to admit she is close to her daughter and would spend all day with her! I am always baffled when others judge on an issue like this. My personal belief is that the child will become more confident and independent due to the support at home, and the fact that your daughter will share her thoughts with you at the end of the day is lovely! I bet she cherishes those times, more so because its not every night!

  • Abigail

    Good for you! My older son sleeps with us part of each night, and then we take him back to his bed when he falls asleep and often comes back during the night. I want him to feel like our room is a safe, cozy spot that he can come when he’s upset. When I was growing up, my parents had an ABSOLUTE, set in stone rule that we couldn’t come to their bed, and it left me terrified, often throwing up sick in my bed, wondering if I should go get my parents at all. No six year old should ever feel that way. The important thing is to do what works for YOU and for your family, not what works for Suzy Q down the street.

  • Susan

    Thank you for posting this. My 7 and 1/2 year old daughter sleeps with me as well and for all of the reasons you mentioned above. Don’t let anyone judge you! Just like you never see a 16 year old walking around with a bottle, you don’d see 25 year old sleeping with their parents. We all make decisions that are right for us and for our children. I say screw the ones that judge this harshly and enjoy! They will be teenagers soon enough and then we won’t be able to get them to sit near us let alone share a bed!

  • Crystal

    I grew up with a single mother. I am 29, very successful and live on my own in a condo in Toronto. My mom loved telling the story of how one night I woke up and kissed her on the nose as a little girl and then went back to sleep. I’m here to say that I slept with my mom and then with her and my stepdad until I was in grade 4 and I’m not a weirdo. I still have sleepovers with my sisters and we’re all well adjusted, educated people. Trust me Rebecca, your daughter relishes this time so tell everyone else to bugger off.

    • B

      I bet most of these people making the weirdo comments must have their own bed but still manage to talk like weirdos themselves. I bet that most of the comments like that are coming from lonely people who are okay with their pets sharing their bed but not the kids they have/had/or don’t have therefore have no real business commenting on what they know nothing about.

  • Jenn

    I’m a single divorced mommy to the most beautiful nearly four year old boy. And majority of the time he sleeps in bed with me. It’s comforting for both of us and there is nothing inappropriate about it. He won’t be doing this when he is a teenager or even an older child, but right now we need each other and we’ve been through a lot. I don’t see the harm and I think you’re right, it’s awful to judge another person simply because you don’t agree. Once everyone can say that they have personally walked a mile in the shoes of each and every individual on the planet, then my all means jibber jabber away…but until I meet that person, I’m fine with cuddling my wee one at night!

  • Amy

    my husband works overnights,and on those nights (3-4 a week) my 6-year old daughter sleeps in my king sized bed with me.It’s the same deal,she ends up
    revealing aspects of her day that would not come up anywhere else.It’s lovely.I think a lot of Americans over-value some notion of “autonomy” in young children.That, and people maybe are afraid of physical /emotional intimacy unless it’s a grown-up your in a sexual relationship with.Which is sad.

  • Dee

    I already stated my opinion (gasp! Yes, I think the entire scenario is weird– so sue me) below, but I also have to ask: Is the swearing really necessary?

    • rebecca eckler

      Oh, D. Are you saying that jack-ass is not a swear word? Just curious. Have a wonderful and happy day!

    • Dee

      As a matter of fact, I DO consider “jack-@ss” swearing. Not sure why that matters to you, though. This is the first time I’ve posted on this site, and it’s obvious in the two– three, now– posts that I’ve even bothered with that I do not swear. It’s simply unnecessary, not to mention unprofessional.

      And I did have a very wonderful and happy day, thank you very much. I suggest you try to do the same.

    • robin fraser

      Dee, stop acting like a jack~ass. Such vitriol from such a “perfect person”. Get over yourself.

  • Erin S

    I hate the sloppy journalism of writers who quote research that has nothing to do with their main point. Did the author even read the Reuter’s article?

    It was centered on up to the age of 3; so there’s no reason to use it as scholarly backup. It doesn’t apply.

    Here’s the thing: do what you want. Live your life. Justify it however you want (and boy, you justify this choice an awful lot).

    But don’t write an article about how you choose to violate a socially accepted practice and then get hissy and snarky when people tell you how they feel about your choice.

    Lastly, “Sometimes we sleep the entire night holding hands…we sleep holding hands, or having my arm wrapped around her, or her throwing her arm around me, throughout the night.”

    I’ve a background in child development and I know you’ll get all hissy about this but: this is SO COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE. For so many reasons, on so many levels.

    It’s SO WRONG.

    • Mindy

      No, Erin, it is not. Not at all. I have two daughters, ages 16 and 13. Both of them slept with me, my youngest til she was almost 12. It wasn’t weird, it wasn’t wrong; for us, it was just the right way.

      Cultures all over the world sleep in family beds, all together, til children reach adolescence – and from an emotional health standpoint, I’d say that many of those cultures are in far better shape than we in the West are.

      My 13 yr. old is one of the bravest, most centered, delightful people you will ever meet. My 16 yr. old, as I type this, is spending her junior year of high school in China as an exchange student. Both girls are emotionally healthy, amazing people, well-liked, good students and with phenomenal senses of self-control, right and wrong, and the kind of fortitude and inner strength it takes to say no to peer pressure, stand up to bullies – all of it. I couldn’t be more proud of them.

      Did sleeping with me help them? I think so, but I certainly can’t prove it – and they’d likely be the same wonderful people had they slept in their own rooms earlier. But it sure as heck didn’t hurt them in any way – so lose the judgment.

      Why on EARTH would holding your child’s hand, having your arm around her – ANY of that – be “SO COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE”?? That’s not only entirely and completely wrong, to say so is insulting and only proves that wherever you got your ‘background in child development’ didn’t do a particularly good job.

      If I found out that either of my daughters slept that way with another adult, well, sure, I’d be concerned and think it inappropriate. But with their mother?? It’s no different than your kiddo falling asleep on your lap. It’s cuddling and loving in a VERY appropriate, parent-child way. When my youngest hit 11 or so, that kind of contact started to fade. She began to sleep separate from me, and that was fine. I respected her boundaries entirely. She’d still sling a foot over my leg now and again, but mostly, she stayed on her side of the bed. I suggested she sleep in her own room, and it took a few months longer, but she started doing that, and by the time she was 12, she was more comfortable there than in my room – it was her time. She is now the coolest teenager I know, and neither of us would do it any differently.

  • Sarah

    I’m turning 21 in a few months. I’ve had many friends in my life, been involved in dozens of activities and have ambitions almost too high to reach. I slept in the same bed with my mother until I was nine. My mom is my closest friend, and I wouldn’t trade my relationship with her for the world. This doesn’t mean I don’t have a boyfriend or best friend, and I live hours from home, only seeing her once or twice every few months. Our relationship would have been different if we hadn’t shared time together like that at night. Everyone who thinks it’s strange, that’s their opinion, and it might not be right for them, but I believe that if this works for your parenting style, there is nothing wrong with it.

  • joanne riven

    good for you! it sounds like you 2 have a great relationship and that she’s a happy, independent well-balanced child.

  • Sarah

    Thank you so much for this article! My 4 year old son has been sleeping with me since he was born. We’ve started implementing a weeknights “his” bed/weekends “mommy’s” bed rule because my son has gotten so big my husband has been sleeping on the couch because he knows how special this time is for us. I’m tired of being criticized and treated like a bad parent for something I believe benefits the both of us. Plus my husband gets to watch tv in peace!

  • parent

    Beware.

    I had my child sleep with me because I couldnt manage to get them to sleep in their own bed since they were a baby.

    I tried everything they just cried all night .

    My child dominated my life wouldnt let me have a boyfriend etc etc

    No they are older (13) I am isolated have no partner and they are off living their own life and want to sleep in their own bed and I’m the one who is not coping now!!!!!
    \
    So watch out tables turn quick!

    • Mindy

      Sad that you blame your children for your being alone. I’m guessing there is more to the story than that.

      Sacrificing for your kiddos is part of being a parent – I’m sorry for you that your life isn’t where you want it to be, but if you blame your kids, that resentment is going to poison your relationship with them. Find someone to talk to so that doesn’t happen, for all your sakes!

  • Paris

    This sleeping with children outside of infancy and particularly into puberty is indulged purely for the adult.
    The child’s acquiescence subsequent dependency concealment and self deception are all part of their abuse.
    Its abusive at the very least if there can be such a thing because it is an intimacy that isn’t the norm and holds the child as different to their peers. It is the parent’s need for a bed companion and nothing other. As admitted above the sex partner comes along and the child is outed as the parent finds comfort elsewhere ……..and please don’t tell me there isn’t any drama from the child when this adult partner usurps them.
    Consider the psychology that comes with their rage (which maybe silent) at being removed and then tell me how good it is for them ?????

    • Mindy

      Paris, I love that you believe you have some amazing psychological knowledge, but I’m telling you from years of experience that you are flat-out wrong. Sure, I imagine somewhere there is a parent forcing a child to sleep in the adult bed and of course that is wrong – but the nonsense you have spouted here, under the guise of some expert opinion, is unfounded.

      Do you know anything about other cultures? You know, the ones around that world that are surpassing the US in just about every way? Co-sleeping is the norm in many. Children sleep with their parents, the whole family sleeps together. Normal.

      Do you know anything about children with attachment problems? Co-sleeping can be an enormously therapeutic method of healing for many of these children, and it can foster closer attachment in adopted children.

      My daughters are now teenagers. Neither of them sleep with me any longer, but both did. They transitioned quite naturally out of my bed when they were ready, one of them earlier, the second as she neared puberty. Both of them always had the option of sleeping in their own rooms or with me, and sometimes they’d give their own rooms a try and then come back, and I let them decide. When they were ready to move on, I was happy for them. I missed snuggling with them, but I would never have “made” them sleep with me – that’s ridiculous. And I quite enjoyed having my room to myself again.

      Your attitude is simply judgmental, but you cloak it in psychobabble as if you are an expert – and that could be quite damaging to anyone who is questioning their decision. If they are encouraging co-sleeping for their own reasons, that is one thing, but if it helps their children sleep, you have no business telling them they are hurting their kids. Shame on you.

    • robin fraser

      wow, you frighten me with your scientific cold view on mothering. every, and i mean every parent i know who has that same view are terrible parents and the kids grow up so neurotic with all these problems. Then they ask me how I do it, my kids being so polite, and loving and thoughtful of others and their feelings, and the respectful way they treat their dad and I. What do you say to these type of parents, like Paris? Nothing. You just thank you’re lucky stars you are the way you are………and tell your kids how lucky they are as well.

  • Marnie

    Thank you sooooo much for this article! My boyfriend and I have been arguing about this very subject and I do believe it is going to break us up, after a year of dating. Matt cannot accept the fact that my boys will occasionally sleep with me…he isn’t there on those particular nights. lol
    My children also slept with their Dad and I while we were together. It was mostly my youngest son though. We never told our kids they couldn’t sleep with us. If they fell asleep with us, it was very sporadic. My youngest, who is now 13, was born premature and on an apnea monitor. I am sure you have seen the research on the benefits of such a baby sleeping with Mom. Now the youngest is 13 and prefers sleeping alone (yay) lol. The problem now is that I am divorced and have a lack of space that I use to have, so when kids are with me (we have joint custody) one, two or none will sleep with me. It just depends on the night. My 18year old son recently slept with me and my boyfriend could have turned me in to the Police or something, he was so shocked lol. I can count on my left hand the times in the past couple of years that my now 18year old has slept with me..My sons have NEVER cuddled me too closely or anything perverse, they just love having me nearby I believe. I am sure there is discrimination when it comes to sons and their mothers. Let me also say that my 18year old was breastfed until he was 15mths old.I believe that plays a part in this as well but that is a whole nother topic lol He is more sensitive and shy then most boys his age and actually just had his first date at 18 and I am very proud of that! He has been accepted into Texas A&M University and is just a wonderful boy! I know people reading may think he/me is weird for sleeping with Mom once or twice a year so I am trying to tell people that he is a perfectally normal teenager..
    I attribute all of my boys being so well behaved and well adjusted to occasionally being allowed to sleep with Mom/ Mom& Dad…None of my sons (4 of them) were ever cryers and are all just very perfect and content with themselves. They’re wonderful!
    My boyfriend’s 8year daughter is extremely shy, scared to do anything and just VERY unsure of herself. I attribute that to her NEVER being allowed to sleep with her Mother or her Father because they both just think it’s so horrible..I wish they could see the benefits in letting their daughter be closer to them. The little girl just needs a parent who is sure of themself and of their parenting ( aka me lol) and she would grow into a more confident little lady :) wish I could help with that.
    I LOVED your article and I agree 100% with you! Your daughter sounds like an amazingly, well adjusted little lady :) good job MOM! Thanks for letting me vent! Sorry for the grammer but am on my iphone :/

    • Mike Stone

      i could not agree with you more . ill admit that it is not the norm in our society , but the people who immediately turn their thought to sexual activity make my stomach turn . in my opinion the only people who could think of parents and children sexually are the sick people who have those thoughts themselves . i would kindly thank you for keeping your disgusting thoughts as far away from me and my daughter as possible .
      the only appropriate relationship to have with your child is the one your child feels is appropriate . in my home we are very open with nudity . when my daughters got uncomfortable with me being naked i covered up . when they grew out of it i no longer did . my daughters talk openly with me about sex and sexual issues , and trust me completely . as they should , i am their dad . they have all slept in my bed with me on occasion even now .
      the only persons opinion who you should be concerned with is your spouse and most importantly your childs .

  • Marnie

    When one of these supposed ‘happily married women’ gets dumped by the hubby or decides to go out on her own she may better understand the ‘boyfriend’ situation…..you know these ‘happily married Moms’ can be somewhat judgemental :)

  • Dixie

    I am so grossed out by some of the comments I am seeing here. It’s sleep people! Is it wrong for a mom and daughter to sit on the same couch? Or ride in the same car? Or eat at the same table? They are just sleeping on the same mattress. Whats the big deal? What’s funny to me is that the people complaining about this arrangement are the ones who sound as though they are riddled with neurosis, and security issues. GET OVER IT! It’s a little girl falling asleep on the same platform as her mother. It’s a little kid being able to be a little kid and enjoy the security of it for as long as possible. It is anti-abuse. This kid will grow to be self confident, secure, and independent. Unfortunately, all of the children who were forced to endure the Ferber Method, and “self-soothe”… ie cry them selves to sleep, scared, and alone so that mommy and daddy can have selfish time, will be the ones with security issues. You people act like the bed it’s self is some sort of sacred alter. It’s sleep folks. It’s going to be okay. I promise!

  • http://www.facebook.com/Joc267 Jo Smith

    Children in countries such as Vietnam, china, Africa etc all sleep with their parents well into their teenage years. Despite the reason because they don’t have a big enough house or extra beds, they all grow up to be independent adults who get married and move out, have babies. Thus continue the cycle with their children. Just because people can afford to have individual beds does not mean they must sleep alone and those who don’t are doomed. Please remember this ‘weird’ practice is in fact normal and default in other places of the world

  • Nat

    I feel like I have just read my life!! I am a single parent and my daughter and i sleep in the same bed – she is now 13 and loves having that time together to talk and confide in me. She is a wonderful young lady, very independent, outgoing and confident. She is a straight A student, and has lots of academic and non academic achievements. She and I have a very close relationship, and therefore we are very open with each other which means there are no secrets eg her friends lie to their parents, date boys etc my daughter can’t understand why they would lie to their parents. I am so glad I am not the only parent who has such a close bond with their child.

  • Immy

    I used to sleep in my mums bed up until about 9 years old, when I started to get older. But I loved the time spent with my mum and still look at that fondly. I grew up healthily mentally and physically. I had plenty of friends and wasn’t worried about not sleeping in my parents bed. I’m thirteen now and still have an amazing relationship with my mum. I tell her everything, while my friends tell their parents nothing. I see my mum as my best friend that I can go to and seek guidance from. I’ve grown up knowing I can talk to my mum and trust her. All of these comments saying its wrong for kids to sleep in the same bed, you’re wrong. I have a much better relationship with my mum for it and have also matured.
    I know you like to believe you’re great at the physciology of children, but have you actually seen a child who’s slept in their own parents bed for a longer period of time? No, they’re no different socially and mentally from any other child. Perhaps even better than others because of strong family bonds.

  • SingleMom86

    I am a single mother and my daughter who is five sleeps in the bed with me. She has been sharing the same bed with me since she was 7 months old. The only person who has a problem with it is her dad. I do have a beautiful bedroom suite for her in her own room but she would rather sleep in my bed. She is very smart and well rounded. She sleeps well in her own bed if needed. I did feel pressured to make her sleep in her own room but after doing some research I learned that it can actually benefit your child. Thank you for posting this I found it very informative and sweet.

  • Nicole

    I agree with you 100%! Both of my children sleep in my room. My four year old son and I talk about everything before we go to sleep. I treasure the time I have with him. I love knowing he’s safe. My daughter sleeps near us in her crib. I seriously can’t imagine feeling ok with my kids in separate rooms. It would feel unnatural to me. So right on, do what you know is right. And do what works best for your family.

  • J

    I’m 16, going on 17 this year. I sleep in the same bed with my mom, (though I sleep on the other end of the bed because its right next to the AC) and I just sleep there because its the only cold room in the house LOL (I can’t stand the heat I get sick real easily) My dad sleeps in the room that was mine, because he doesn’t mind the heat, nor does he mind sleeping by himself. (He used to talk about my mothers snoring anyways) So I mean??? Does it really matter who sleeps where? LOL I have this room with my mom and we kinda just do our own thing, I have my side with all my posters and things, and she has her side. I’m the one who’s always in the room anyways.

  • fattyoro

    I know this was written a while ago…..but I still love it!!!! I know exactly what u mean with the whole bonding with ur child…..I’m soo glad I’m not the only one

  • broken

    I think it depends when you stop. eight, nine, thats not weird at all. it seems like a loving and special relationship. however i am a 28 year old girl whose extremely overprotective (and i realize as an adult, narcissistic with sociopathic tendencies) mother would not allow her her own room until she was 18. thats right, 18. i was allowed to spend the night in a different room sometimes if i begged. ‘my’ room was a plain white walled room i wasnt allowed to decorate, where i did my homework and had (mom supervised) phone conversations – my father slept there at night. yeah, theyre still married. i remember begging her to let me sleep in my own room the night before i started college and being berated terribly (‘what do you want to do, touch yourself?!’). needless to say, this is clearly a matter of my mothers mental state and overprotection issues and not just about co-sleeping as a kid at all. i just wanted to leave this comment for all of the many other mothers like mine that may exist out there who think co-sleeping is okay in a kids teens: i still dont know why my mother forced me to sleep with her for so long. sometimes i wonder if she sexually abused me and i blocked it out. i dont know. what i do know is that i have extreme social anxiety and panic attacks, depression, high blood pressure, off and on issues with bulimia and alcohol abuse. my romantic life is extremely stunted – ive only had two long term relationships in my life, both of which were ended by the other party because of my ‘neediness’ and codependence. needless to say, my confidence is completely shot, and constantly feel like a freak. sometimes i have to make up bullshit stories about ‘my childhood room’ just to seem normal. im convinced i’ll never be married although i fall in love maybe too easily, because really, whos gonna wanna marry a woman with as many problems as me? i even dread having or adopting children because i dont wanna mess them up, or worse for their grandmother to. if your child has hit puberty, even if youre just a lonely parent who doesnt want to accept their child’s impeding adulthood, for the love of god and the sake of your child let. it. go.

  • Jean Rose Palacio

    I sleep with my daughters (16 and 10) when my husband’s away for work. Period. These girls have their own room, but we simply feel that the nightly talks and sharing before sleep has made our bond stronger.

    Let the judgmental do the judging.