• Thu, Aug 4 2011

The Ultimate Relationship Downer: Marrying A Momma’s Boy

My husband didn’t marry his mother. Not by a long shot. Not by a short stretch of the imagination, even. Get the picture?

For starters, my husband’s mother and I don’t share the same race. We don’t share the same physical proportions. We don’t share the same philosophies, ideals or first impressions. And, yet, the one thing that we do share is probably the greatest or terrifyingly single, most unifying, thing ever – and that is a love for my husband. (Notice I didn’t say her son, ahem.)

For what it’s worth – and trust me, I’m smart enough, and respectful enough, to know it’s worth plenty – she had him first, both literally and figuratively. By sheer dint of will or through the beautiful brush strokes of biology, they are, and will forever be, inextricably linked. Nothing says, “I own your ass,” more than giving birth to an ass. I kid. But seriously, as a mother, I know what it is to feel that immense other-worldly bond that giving birth creates. There is no denying or suppressing it. I won’t bore you with the details of my version because I have selective memory. And I know that each of us who has given birth, by whatever means, has a unique experience to call our own.

That said, I would postulate that a man who has chosen to marry a woman who is so utterly unlike his mother is a man who has successfully broken any semblance of Oedipal yearning. He is a fully e-man-ci-pated man. And, as it were, a man who has effectively extricated himself from “the clutches” of his first female love by coming into his own. Pause. Reflect. Continue. Unfamiliar with the Oedipus Rex story? It goes a little something like this: (Socially repressed) son walks into a bar, sees the back of an attractive older woman provocatively nursing a Cosmo, approaches and…cue music and ensuing family dysfunction!

What it boils down to has a lot to do with making and breaking emotional bonds so that (adult) children don’t become paralyzed with fear at the prospect of disappointing their mommies (or daddies). I know, tall order, right? But hear me out. If as parents we are doing our jobs “correctly” – according to whatever school of thought we’ve been inundated with this week – it means that we are often too (self) conscious about the kinds of emotional cues we are giving our children. And certainly, what we may or may not do or say has a lot to do with things like how girls feel about their bodies and the partners they eventually choose, for example.

With respect to mothering our sons, it may mean that among other things, we teach them that women are not foreign objects to be falsely admired or playthings to be discarded without care, but as individuals and equals whom they must respect. They also need to know that the girls they may end up loving (if it is girls whom they choose to love) don’t have to be “just like mommy” to be considered good and valuable. (And, yes, of course fathers figure prominently, too, but this post is about mothers and sons.)

At some point, a mother who has not successfully detached herself from her son emotionally becomes a meddlesome mother-in-law whose mission in life is to insinuate herself into her son’s adult life and relationships. As a result, said MIL acts wounded and jealous when she perceives, god-forbid, that the so-called Hierarchies of Love have shifted. This Momma’s Boy Momma will inevitably make your life (all about) her life, which means that your husband will likely have to choose for the sake of his life (and sanity).

Now, from where I sit, there is nothing more pathetically tragic than emotional blackmail. And, yeah, let’s just say that in the wise words of Scottish psychiatrist R.D. Laing, emotionally dysfunctional families are more common than you think. What’s important to recognize is that there is a period at which sons “need” their mothers – no, really – and a point at which they don’t. What matters is that both mother and adult son recognize when that point is and act accordingly – and appropriately, for that matter.

You’ve seen and heard it yourself. And if you haven’t, then permit me to share some observations, which are by no means the panacea.

A “Momma’s Boy,” a cringe-inducing term if I’d ever heard one, is likely to make constant, relentless comparisons between you and his momma in practically every facet of your relationship. Now if you happen to be clueless to this sort of emotional red flag, then mark my words, it’s the ultimate relationship downer. If you detect the slightest inkling of this (at any point in your relationship), you need to run, don’t walk, screaming in the other direction. If you haven’t successfully weaned your husband off this annoying tendency, don’t expect it to change “when you have children.” It’ll only get worse. And then, excuse my French, you’re fucked. Momma’s Boy’isms and behaviors are not, I repeat, are not self-corrective. If, however, you believe that mothering is innate and instinctual and “natural,” then god help you and your children for having a husband who insists that you parent “just like his mom.” On the other hand, there is nothing “wrong” with a man who worships his mother and fondly recalls her best moments with admiration and affection. In effect, I would hope that he does. It’s the level of hero-worship I’m “concerned” with.

A man who is not a Momma’s Boy is less likely to criticize you or the way you do things because he was never manipulated into believing that his mother’s way is the only way. Rather, he will have learned to appreciate women, and others, as individuals, as opposed to basing everything on how his mother and other women once did certain things for him. Men who are not Momma’s Boys, and who have chosen to get married and have children, are seemingly more invested in co-parenting – excluding the workaholics, of course – than the Momma’s Boys who were emotionally smothered by their mommies. I would argue that men who are not Momma’s Boys seem to have a better understanding of relationship balance and are able to give the necessary co-parenting support when needed.

Lastly, beyond the so-called obvious, do we really think that by continuing to lay claims to our children’s emotional health, when we as mothers “should know better,” we are helping then in later life, anyway? I think not. What do you think?

You can reach this post's author, Bolaji Williams, on twitter.
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  • Molly

    Lucky me my husband isn’t a Momma’s Boy! I do find a lot of similarities between my mother-in-law and myself, but it’s the differences that make him love me.

    • Rich

      Well… good for you!

  • Amanda

    Any suggestions on how to handle a momma’s boy husband? How to communicate with him that you are not happy with his this habit without it affecting your relationship?

    • xobolaji

      well, i’m by no means a “relationship expert” much less an “expert” at anything, but i think you have to trust your gut and your instincts.

      to be fair, we all need to be validated, and certainly if your “momma’s boy” is exhibiting behaviours that you feel compromise the integrity of your relationship, well then you need to take care of you. on the flip side, i would never suggest that you deliver an ultimatum because that may backfire against you. the thing is, once you open the door for criticisms against him [and his momma!] he will likely start criticizing you for whatever he perceives to be your shortcomings–which in effect he is already doing by telling you what his momma does.

      at some point, “momma’s boys’ need to cut the apron strings and get a real life–one that doesn’t involve reporting back to momma at the first sign of conflict and certainly without the emotional interference from momma.

      chances are if you’re asking the question, it is very likely that you know the answer. good luck to you!

    • huytongirl

      Mine used to run for home at the first sign of any trouble between us. Last straw was when he took all his stuff and didn’t leave me a note or anything – I just found out by looking in the cupboards. He’s 48 and still lives at home. Pays no bills, does very little of the caring for his elderly father. They are prepared to put up with anything just to have him there. And so was I, for a while. He’d run away, I’d ask him to come back – over and over again. And meanwhile not contributing to my bills, using any food I had and not paying for it – just like at home.All of us, worshipping him like an idol. Ugh. Well, he left his keys this time. He can go back and tell his family and friends what a bitch I am – I know he does this already, as he enjoyed telling me What His Brother Thinks Of Me in the past. Just more evidence that it’s best finished with. My last words to him were, “Run off back to mummy and daddy like you always do.” It was undignified. But sadly, it was all too true.

      I feel bitter and lonely. If we got back together again, I don’t think I’d have the strength to stop myself being a doormat again. It hurts a lot.

    • Rich

      Don’t take him back… if you want a shot at encouraging him to change, maybe you can say this to him: “I love you but I refuse to be your doormat again. I need a man, a husband, not a boy, and I have had enough, and I am ready to move on without you.” And see what happens… if he loves you, this will totally make him go nuts! If he truly loves you, time will go by and he will find his way to free himself from whatever keeps him coming back, he will find a way to grow in this area of his life. But you need to NOT take him back, and actually work on yourself, take a class, or do something that is important to you. Don’t focus on him, live your life and this will help you be empowered to maintain your ground while he gets a clue. It may or may not work, but at this point, you have nothing to lose. I hope it all works out as you want.

  • Kathleen

    I thought I married a momma’s boy until I read this!! Apparently, I did NOT marry a momma’s boy!!

    Amanda, relationships have no room for anything but a straight up honest talk. Tell him flat out that you will not be compared to, or put up against his mother… period. She is his mother, you are his girlfriend.. completely different, if he cannot see that and you cannot handle that, move on!!

    When I first met my husband, he would treat his mother (just like my brothers treat my own mother) with kid gloves and a lot of white lies. I convinced him to be honest with her (in a respectful way) and now we all have a great relationship and now she comes to us for advice! She knows we love her and respect her enough to tell her the truth!!

    • xobolaji

      this is good advice. honesty is always the best policy, you’re right. i say baby steps. you can’t go from never discussing an issue of this magnitude to giving buddy his walking papers in one fell swoop! especially if that’s not your personality, and particularly since you’re dealing with a sensitive issue.

  • Vivian

    My husband is definitely a mama’s boy and unfortunately for me he worships the ground his mother walks on. She thinks I don’t deserve her son and she is always trying to break up my marriage. Every time my husband and I have an argument he leaves and stays with his mother till things settle down. I have discussed with him how bothered I am by all this but he just doesn’t get it.
    I also wrote a short blog about this issue, see below:

    • xobolaji

      hi vivian: i so appreciate your sharing this story. i just read your post and if i didn’t read this directly, i would have thought this was a sitcom storyline, or something straight out of dr.phil.

      having said that, my intention is not to be disrespectful to you, or to make light of what appears to be a very serious situation. as i’ve mentioned previously i am not an expert, however i think that you know deep down what you have to do. no two relationship situations are alike, but the marital problems you describe seem to have deep roots, none of which you should be forced to navigate, and certainly not alone.

      considering that you had this momma/drama at the BEGINNING of your relationship and you went into it anyway, you need to think about what’s important and what you value. it appears to me that your husband is not mature enough to sustain a marriage much less participate in an adult relationship. this situation screams “couples therapy,” and it seems like a long haul considering that your husband seems to have some psychological/emotional issues where his mother is concerned. that said, you need to have yourself evaluated and validated. what self-esteem issues are you dealing with that you would accept your husband going to stay with his mother when you and he have an argument? If you don’t value yourself, your husband won’t either. his marrying you “against” his mother’s wishes might have seemed like he “chose” you at the time, but the fact that the first person he turns to when you and he have a marital spat is his momma, means he will always place her first.

      know this: love isn’t a battlefield. resign from the drama and live life! sometimes the writing is on the wall, we just have to be willing to read the script! good luck to you, and remember to take care of YOU!

    • nawtij

      Funny you didn’t mention the kids once. O.o

  • Adriana

    My husband and I are in my eyes, newlyweds. We’ve only been married for three months. I have to have him put his Mom on speakerphone when she calls because he tends to not tell me most of what she says. The only two times I’ve heard what she says to him angers me. She says, “Oh no, you don’t have to tell your wife..” or she’ll nag him for literally ten minutes saying “You haven’t called me for weeks. Did you forget about me? I don’t understand why you haven’t called! I wait for your phone calls all the time.” Keep in mind my husband attends a university, plays baseball for the university, works and still has me to give time to. So he tells her, “I barely have time I’m so busy and I have to put my wife first” and she says, “Ohh, is that why you don’t call me? Because you’re married?” And it drives me insane! Then my husband asks me “Why do you hate my Mom so much?” And no, I never said I hate her. I simply said i didn’t like what she said. On top of that my husband refused to listen to me and let his Mom borrow a thousand dollars. We’re not well off either, we’re barely getting by. She wants to pay us 2 months later than she said originally and my Husband thinks it’s fine even with the explanation of our bills and budget. I need help…

    • guest32

      It sounds like his mom is just a nag. A major pain in the butt. Their relationship is not healthy, but she is the bigger problem here. If your husband was truly a momma’s boy, then all money would be going from her to him, and he’d have a lot more excuses for his own lazy and annoying behavior towards you from her, rather than a bunch of extra expectations placed on him from her.
      Your MIL sounds like she is emotionally & financially needy, like a child, and your poor husband has always been the man expected to take care of her needs, rather than the other way around. It’s a dysfunctional relationship, yes, but not exactly momma’s boy in the way I tend to see that term.
      You need to help him break free of her controlling & manipulative grip. try to be patient with him about it though. This is all he knows.

    • Pineapple Cowgirl

      Their relationship is not healthy!!! She is the
      biggest problem here. If he were truly a momma’s boy, then all her money
      would be going to him, and he’d have a lot more excuses for his own lazy
      and annoying behavior towards me;Rather than a bunch of extra
      expectations placed on him from her. BTW, in my case he was never lazy or annoying to me! .
      His mother,Jo as he calls her, is emotionally & financially needy, like a child, and now Bud is
      the man expected to take care of her needs, rather than the other way
      around.She has always used men- she told me so! She told me she was never faithful to a man- not even her son’s father! It’s a dysfunctional relationship, yes, but not exactly momma’s
      boy in the way I tend to see that term.
      He would have to break free of her controlling & manipulative grip. I
      am trying to be patient with him about it though. This is all he knows.
      Should I just let him go????

    • Hell the the no!

      Put your foot down and don’t give up…ever!!!! Support yourself emotionally as this shit is really hard but DO NOT GIVE UP. I got out of this by sheer will power and now are no contact with ALL toxic extended family. FREEDOM!
      You can do it!!!

  • Em

    Not sure where I fit in…not sure if it is Momma boy syndrome or just a twisted MIL.
    She would address me by his ex wife’s name for about two years…when I finally opened my mouth ( mentioning it to my husband) well guess what…that stopped.

    Compliments are abundant but not for me…only for ….well everyone else.
    She called me a F***ing lazy bitch in front of my children, who were 14 and 7.
    This happened after being invited for lunch on a Sunday ( second time ) and it does not happen often, and there was no lunch prepared. Sending out my husband immediately to grab fast food…while he was out, she began telling me in not so nice terms, maybe I should not sleep in and maybe I should prepare lunches. MIl has been claiming RA for a while….ever since she was suppose to begin baby sitting her daughter’s one and only child. Do I think she exaggerates…hell yes.
    Back to my story..so by the time my husband gets back with the food, we are in a full blown argument, she not only tells me…that I sleep in…and maybe I should be making my own lunches for my kids, but states in ( and I swear it was the devil’s voice) YOU are a lazy F**cking B**ch, looks at me in a most disgusting and sinister way…repeat…repeat, I tell her..when I invite people over to my house..at least I have lunch ready for them…and then I say to my husband who is telling his mother to shut up in horror….GET me and my children out of here and don’t ever think I will step foot here again.
    This isn’t even half of what it was really like…and I could never give it justice.
    This MIL is a manipulative woman and her son is beginning to lose my respect also.
    In case you are wondering, I do not sleep in, I am not lazy, I am very hard working, and can cook up a storm each and every time…for one or 20, it would not make a difference.
    I could go on and on but this situation will never get better…I actually think it’s Karma…I was married before and thought that my ex MIL was mean…she was a piece of cake- compared to this BITCH. My ex’s mother had her moments but pale in comparison to this EVIL and self absorbed maniac, who lies and manipulates her son to no end…and who is likely one main reason for her son’s first marriage failing.

  • Em

    I thought I should give you more information, as I read my post- I thought that it really doesn’t cover all of my angst. it. My MIL stopped calling me by my husband’s ex’s name- after two years of doing so….I let it go for so long cause it took me that long to realize how fake and manipulative she was….and I was right, because no sooner did my husband tell her…she stopped. She has since been a back seat driver in our house hold. They have conversations in private, he will leave the room to speak to his mother. I was unaffected by it…this has been going on for over 10 years. I never bothered with it because I am busy and don’t want to get into it because, well frankly I had other things to focus on…
    This woman sat her grandson down ( my husband’s child with his first wife, and my MIL explained to my stepson who was all but 10 years old (and in front of my son (same age) how his mother and her family caused marriage to fail, how his mother was nasty etc. etc. My stepson did not come around for over 5 years!!! My husband’s ex was told all of it and well you can figure out the rest! My MIL had the nerve to follow up with me during that time, and say that perhaps my stepson was not coming around anymore because my husband spends too much time with my son!!!! It’s worth noting that we were not privy to the conversation MIL had with the boys…until my son told us what occurred when we left them at her house….that last weekend.
    My husband and I rarely discuss his mother and I think it’s because we both know where it will go..
    I have likely visited her home three times since she called me a Lazy Fing bitch in front of my children and I never will have any meaningful relationship with her.
    The other day – my husband and I argued and I expressed some sentiments about his mother, ( since he felt the need to make some comments about my family) , and he finally said it…finally…..he says well you got mad at her and she has arthritis, she is sick……the horror is still plastered on my face, and this happened two days ago.

    • nawtij

      Didn’t you already share this!?

  • sal butoni

    this type of momma is mostly useless…truly a waste of womanhood.

    • Guest

      I agree.

  • Gabrielle

    Thank you so much for writing this article. I am in a foreign place with no family and friends, only with husband and in laws. It’s not fun. Last Saturday his mother was in the garden and he decided to mow the lawn eventhough he’s been saying all week how he would hire someone to mow it. And he did this split decision after we discussed the chores he was going to help me do around the house and he had agreed to them.

    We sleep in separate bedrooms because he needs to wake up at 3am and he snoozes his alarm four times before he gets up, while I’m awake on the first alarm and get cranky all day for waking up so early (I’m pregnant).

    We are good flatmates, but I need a husband! There is no romance, passion or even husband/wife love around here! On the flip side, I’m glad we’re getting on well, that’s a start, i guess. I always come in second to “mother”. I am thrilled I am pregnant, albeit unplanned. I sometimes feel like a single pregnant woman with a nice flatmate who drives her to the doctor.

    So sorry for whinging!! I have never gotten this out of my chest except right now, and I feel better. Thank you again for your article. It tells me that I am not alone in my struggles.

    • Aniya

      I completely understand! I often tell my bf that I feel as if I have a teeenage roommate, not a MAN. And how many times do I have to tell him that I’m supposed to come first, this is OUR home, OUR family, OUR life, not his mamie’s! And she doesnt make it any better telling me to be nice to him about arguments that he and I have had, which he obviously discussed with her. Infuriorating!

    • guest32

      Do not marry this dude. You will regret it.
      My brother is a momma’s boy and I can tell it eats up my sister in law the way it always bugged me when we were kids growing up together (with him and his needs always coming first in our home).
      Mommy thinks your bf is worth his weight in gold. You, not so much. You will never win her approval and you will become a virtual slave to him because his mother thinks that’s fair. Just ditch him. Life is too short.

    • http://www.facebook.com/FaerieWonderland Denise Marie

      This is exactly what I’m going through

  • idawmn

    Ten years ago I moved 2200 miles (different country) to end up marrying not only an alcoholic but a momma’s boy. He is now 63 years old and his mother is 82. He is actually the biggest instigator between the two of them – running after her rear end. He admits that since his father passed away in 2007, his mother has shown favouritism to the other family members, she threatens to cut him out of her will (for no reason) making up all kinds of excuses. The stuff goes on and on, enough to make your hair curl. My plans are to leave in the Spring – 5 months from now (I’m getting a UHaul and will not attempt to drive across country in snow). I’m really looking forward to getting out. If only I knew then what I know now. My advice? If you suspect you are hooking up with a momma’s boy – RUN!!!

  • thien nguyen

    Run, don’t walk!!

  • http://twitter.com/AshNorrisToBe Ash

    Nothing sucks more than having to possibly lose the love of your life because be loves his mother just a little bit more.

    • http://www.facebook.com/FaerieWonderland Denise Marie


    • Pineapple Cowgirl

      He has been guilt ed into it… to love another woman more would be a betrayal of his loyalties taught him by Jezebel Mom!

  • huytongirl

    Another thing I wonder – I tried googling this but I couldn’t track it down – what happens to mummy’s boys after their parents die? Do they go back to women like me? “My mother’s passed on so I can’t run back to her any more so I’ll stay with you” – is that what happens? And do women like me make excuses to ourselves about how It’s Different Now and At Last He Loves Me Most? That’s the thing I have to face here – how I lied to myself for so long, how I kept smiling and saying, “No, I don’t mind, it doesn’t matter,” until I just exploded. Yes, they are inadequate. But so are we, so long as we cling to them. This is early days for me and I’m fighting to stay strong. He’d probably come back if I crawled in the mud enough. Part of me is so lonely that seems fine. I must not act on that impulse.

  • Pineapple Cowgirl

    I just broke up with the proverbial Mamma’s Boy… he and his closest friends say i should not have made him choose- well his Mom is the one who did that , not me. As this article states it is not self correcting and I must just run in the other direction- I tried to reach his Mom and him but now I am the enemy. He needs his moms approval, she is his primary love interest, I was only his mistress- she will never forgive me for calling her out and he will never be able to love me now. … This was the best article I have read yet to describe this most unfortunate circumstance which I found myself in…thank you for putting it in words! It helped me tremendously. I have been told it is my fault and been sentenced to death by his mom…it hurts, but at least now I am free from her intrusion into my life…her poor son- clueless and broken- thanks Mamma Jo!

  • disqus_dlITwHd5jN

    my mother is a bitch. totally wears the pans. I’m studying accounting- I ask my dad if I can see his tax return. He says ‘I have to ask mom’. I say: “Why do you call her mom, she’s no your mom. He says, I dunno. Does I several more times. Later, I ask her, she doesn’t say “We have to ask your father”- let alone “dad”. This just one item, one example from years of observation and suffering. Sadly I’m 31 and living at home- I hate my situation but I came back from travelling the world, teaching English, now I’m studying full time and working full time- in a sugar factory- thank you very much, its fun. So I sucks living at home, and I need o break free, because only financial independence will give emotional and other forms of independence. But I notice bitch always probes for information- and I give it to be nice, or not be a jerk. She is importunate so I yield. After all, I am human, not a stone. Played, I was played again. She is fucking NOSY as fuck. Fuck you talk about this other worldly bond mothers have. Fuck that shit- when I see a natural mother- like I sometimes saw in California or Germany- you know the hemp wearing breast feeding in public mother- especially if she has 3 or 4 children!- I want to cry with joy- I want to identify with her son, I wish she was mine, instead of commanding bitch of the “Smith” (pseudonym) household. But no, I’m thinking my father actually married her for these traits. I’m thinking HE’s a mama’s boy. Or else maybe he’s gay- because I don’t see any sexuality in him. No work spirit either- he retired young with daddy’s money. HE has opinions on all sorts of political issues from listening to talk radio (fine- I agree with many conservative values, that’s not the point)- but what the fuck has he earned? Mother- she feels this stupid bond or something. I do not. Yet I feel helpless- which is what needs correcting. Yeah I think constantly how I need power in my life. I feel she would want to steal credit for my success if I ever became really successful, and that makes me not want to be, but I want to avoid this whole thing and be successful anyway, for myself. I want to love lots of women, and then maybe settle down with one and have children. I star to panic sometimes, because time is ticking. I feel wounded in my deepest levels. She even mutilated me as a baby- how can a mother mutilate a baby’s member? What the fuck!!! We’re not even jewish. What the fuck! She is sick in the head and totally corrupted, and then she likes to lecture. She loves lecturing. She loves saying “listen”. She loves giving little tiny commands. I hate her. I really don’t like her. You see I hate my situation. I need money. I need a scholarship. I’m too old to be financially dependent, which breeds other forms of dependency. I need to stay on track, to break the curse, to design my own universe. Does she think I’m like my father, get confused and treat me the same way? Does she think I’m like my brother? She has laid curses on me but give me the means to break them and I will be free, and have love in my life.

    I wanted to comment on something you said

    “With respect to mothering our sons, it may mean that among other things, we teach them that women are not foreign objects to be falsely admired or playthings to be discarded without care, but as individuals and equals whom they must respect.”
    This is really hard for me to hear, believe, etc. You might think you want that, but do you get wet for a guy who is like this? Maybe you do maybe you only think you would. I’ve had women- not as many as I could or should have, but I still struggle with it, especially with local women, because of my issues. It is primarily me. I always did my best with women when I regarded them as playthings and objects- and I think some of them want that. Maybe you are writing about what you want, how you want to be viewed. We are all different after all.
    From what I wrote above in he first paragraph, would you say I’m a momma-s boy. Would you want to avoid or not date me- for that reason alone (excluding any other thing I might have said which is a turn-off for you? I’m very afraid of being a mommas boy, also being a failure in life, my life having been wasted, being seen as lazy or unfocused. I think work should be number 1 in a man’s life. Women should be number 2 at best- and hmm maybe a particular woman should be number three. That sounds really low but fuck, catering to a woman makes a man a total loser, doesn’t it?

    • Rich

      Man… I’d say, you are not a mama’s boy, but you have some serious anger issues and hatred toward your mother. It seems you have a lot of hatred toward women in general. I would not be attracted to you because of that. You say that work should be #1, but I just want to share something with you: In a research it was found the Top 5 Regrets of the dying, 1) I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself. Not the life others expected of me. 2) I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. 3) I wish I had the courage to express my feelings to my loved ones. 4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 5) I wish I had let myself be happier.

      The truth is, if you want a meaningful relationship with a woman, who will truly care for you and love you, you need to provide the same quality of love. If you just want to live through life jumping from meaningless relationship to meaningless relationship then you don’t need to change anything.

  • Me-Me

    I married a mommas boy. Reformed now though. I wouldn’t trade him for anything but had I known that it was that bad, I might’ve thought twice. 6 yrs together now. The first 4 or so was kinda horrible-in my MIL way, not us. My God that woman! I told hubs ‘shes your mother not your lover’. It got creepy. It took several years for me to tell hubs this. For many years I wasn’t sure where I stood and if it came to it, if he would choose me. I didn’t want to risk it. He was so blind! The way that woman treated me. For. No. Reason other than I was in his bed and she wasn’t. The things she said to me and about me. Cruel things she did to spite me. But I will have the last laugh. Cuz guess who ISNT going to come live with me, ever. Shes been hinting. Hubs told her its not going to happen. Said we don’t get along. She plays dumb. I told him if she ever did come by us, we would be getting divorced. He finally saw the light when we had to stay there while waiting for our apartment to open. Saw and actually noticed this time, first hand how she treated me. As soon as I realized I was what he wanted, not her, I gained so much. I don’t HAVE to talk to her if I don’t want to. I am always respectful. I don’t respect her, but I respect my hubs and that she is his mother. I get my digs in. I say what I need to but I can never be accused of being mean. She is a bitter, angry, manipulating, backstabbing, gossip whore who can lay a mean guilt trip. She is so nosey. I told hubs last year that if he told her what our taxes were, I’d give some to MY parents! She treats him like hes 3 not 43 and a grown ass man. I don’t credit her for raising him. Hes nothing like her. I give him credit for becoming who he is on his own. When she texts him ridiculous things like ‘make sure you bring your SS card and ID to the tax place.’. I say We know this. She says make sure you get your money back from gieco. And then I ask hubs, why does she know about that? Follows up with did you get your money?, This sounds petty I am sure. I didn’t even get into the good stuff. I will wear pink and release balloons at her funeral

    • Hell to the no!

      Good for you!!!!!!!!! I’m with you – we’ll all get our own back and the playing field always gets levelled eventually. :

  • Jayjay

    I have a question. Not sure if my boyfriend is a mommas boy. I have been dating him for over 2 years, he is 26. He just recently moved out of his parents and got his own house. He is always looking for the opportunity to go to his parents house. He goes about 3-4 times a week. On 2 days he stays there for over 2 hours. His mommy calls him everyday to see what he’s doing and it just drives me nuts. She has even called me to see if he’s with me. That time I told him and he got furious at his mother and he said he would talk to her but it’s still the same. She still calls him at least once a day and he does too. I don’t live with him but every time he’s with me his mom has to call. I have talked to him about him and his mother but I can’t even touch the subject because he gets mad and we argue. Please help!!

  • gordo

    My husband is a COMPLETE momma’s boy. I was able to tolerate it until the kids grew up & moved away. It would take me a whole week to tell of the shit I’ve put up with.