So Long, Bladder Control! I’m A Mom Now

I have a confession to make: every time I skip rope in my weekly boxing class, I pee in my pants. (We’re talking a full-on Depends moment here, ladies.) Ditto brisk walks, light runs and, oh, just about every time I sneeze.

If you haven’t already guessed, I’ve given birth twice (vaginally). Which means I now have zero control of my bladder. Pilates-trampoline class, anyone? Save it for your c-section buddies (trust me, I’ve been there, and things got sticky).

When my friend A. endured two emergency c-sections with both her boys (now ages 8 and 5), she was heartbroken. Like many moms hoping for the more traditional vaginal route, she felt robbed of the “natural” childbirth experience (yes, because pushing an eight-pound watermelon out of your vagina is natural).

Years later, as we v-types are secretly examining our damaged goods in the mirror, A. is laughing all the way to the bedroom. Why? Because she’s got the vagina of an 18-year-old while her friends are, well…let’s just say it ain’t pretty.

So, yes, emergency c-sections suck. They’re scary and dangerous and the recovery time is long. But, if you’re forced to have one, look on the bright side: you’ll save thousands of dollars in panty liners (and, hey, you might even run a marathon one day).

P.S. Kegels are a myth.

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  • Lindsay Cross

    Kegels aren’t just a myth. They are an unobtainable, completely false, evil idea that has been spread.

    And I would like to hear more about this pilates-trampoline class.

  • Stokely

    C sections really don’t look that bad now, all considered. And I’m saying this as someone birthed a relatively teensy 6-pounder. Next time, I’m going to planned C-section/shoulder massage/mani-pedi package ; )

  • Stokely

    OMG, please disregard my horrific sentence structure (above). I have a sick kid hanging out on my lap.

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  • Kara

    Well poop, I got the super cr@ppy end of the stick then. I had TWO c-sections, the first I tried for 8 hours to get that giant kid out before it was slice and dice time, so I never considered vaginal for the second. And you know what, just the pushing left me with droopy bladder issues! Oh, and the giant kids sitting on it for almost 18 months.
    It was so bad that at age 37, 11 months after birthing my second, I had to get a bladder sling surgery. The nurse examining me before the surgery, clucked her tounge and said, “oh honey, this just isn’t fair.” The doc called in a student to see the wonder of my unhinged va jay jay. Good times.
    C-section, Schmee-section!

  • Jennifer

    Shawna, I hear you! When I run on the treadmill now, I’m not sure what’s going to give out first – my knees or my bladder. Makes me feel old. That, and I feel 40 this year. Ugh.

    • Jennifer

      Oops I mean I *turn* 40. See what I mean? Old.

  • Heather

    Research also shows that you’re nearly 3 times more likely to DIE during an elective c-section, and c-sectioned babies are more likely than those delivered vaginally to die during their first year of life.

    Not to mention it doubles the risk of having a stillbirth with the next pregnancy, increases the risk of future uterine rupture, and babies born by elective (unnecessary) c-section are twice as likely to have health problems that land them in neonatal intensive care. All of these risks increase with multiple c-sections.